When my grandson died......?

Question

On the morning when my grandson Dylan died at age 3 months (crib death) I received a call from my daughter screaming that he was not breathing, I live only minuts away and took half that time to get there, to find my daughter screaming and wailing in a corner and my son in law giving CPR to this lifeless body. Very shortly after that my parent (very strict Catholics) arrived, my mother took one look and went straight to the window, did the sign of the cross and stayed there tearless praying. It has taken my family a long time to come to terms with such a sensless death. For my parents, tears were not shed, just words of encouragment that the lil man is now in the arms of God. What about my daughers arms, our arms. To me my parents had and have no reality with so many things because their beliefs are so obessional. My question is...... Do you think in some way people use their belief in religion as a way of not dealing with some real painful and reality based things that happen

Answer 1

First, let me say that I am extremely sorry for your family's loss. I'm a mother myself, and I know how such a tragedy would affect me. This must be so difficult for you.

You answered your own question with your last sentence dear. For many people, their beliefs are the only way they can handle adversity. Without them, they'd fall.

Difficult as it might be to do so, I'd just try to look past the behavior and understand that they did the best they could. Their reaction to this wasn't what you had expected, but I promise you they were crying inside.

Answer 2

I have no doubt religion is a comfort to some people. It's a coping mechanism sometimes, a way of making right of something gone wrong.

Even me, I'm not religious exactly, but I have a spiritual philosophy that helps me make sense of things. I do not deny it helps me cope with some painful emotions sometimes.

I am really sorry for your loss. I know words are inadequate, but I really wish I could give you a hug for this. I hope you have some future grandchildren to brighten up your life again.

Answer 3

I am deeply sorry to hear about your grandson.

Unfortunately, that's the way some people react. My grandmother didn't shed a single tear when my uncle died. This was really bad for her and I believe she had a heart attack later for holding her grief so much. I am not sure if this has anything to do with religion. I am religious and I am not like that at all.

Answer 4

Oh, this is so very sad. I am so sorry for your family's loss. Yes, I do think that sometimes people use their faith to blunt the reality of a situation and also to deal with their grief as you've suggested. My mom (who is also strict Catholic) said something like this 'I just don't know where your grandfather went after he died, he was an atheist'. I was absolutely devastated by these words as I was an adult already and very close to my grandfather and had been with him at the time of his death. I think it was her way of shutting out pain even though it caused me pain to hear her say it. I hope you continue to heal after such a horrible loss. Many blessings to you. (buddhist)

Answer 5

I am so sorry to hear this, as I too am a grandmother. My parents are also catholic and act the same way. This is why I renounced the catholic religion and became a born again Christian (follower of Jesus) and yes, we have true feelings and will sit with you and pray with you and cry with you. It is a not normal if a person does not take time to grieve the loss of a loved one. Even in the Old Testament, followers grieved when their leaders died.

Answer 6

I think that yes, some people (with emphasis on "some" here) do use their religious beliefs as a way to not deal with the painful aspects of life.

However, I also believe that other people use their religious beliefs in quite the opposite way - they use it as a way TO deal with the painful aspects of life. For some of us, it helps get us through tragedy when nothing else will. Yeah, we don't often have answers as to WHY something bad happens, but that doesn't mean we're in denial.

Answer 7

I think there are as many way of dealing with grief as there are people grieving.

My sincere sympathy to you all for your very sad loss.

Don't go against anothers way of dealing with this pain - we all do what we have to do.

Is it so very wrong to believe that your loved one is now in a better place? We don't know any different for sure - and no-one has ever come back to tell us.

So in the absence of a answer to 'why'? - go with what you hope is happening.

And know that all is as it should be. Try to attain peace through good thoughts. Grief is a process that we all have to go through - don't make it any harder on yourself than you have to.

I wish you and yours peace - it will come in time.

Answer 8

i'm incredibly sorry on your loss. it might desire to be of a few convenience to you to appreciate that his death substitute into exceptionally much definitely painless. Oxycontin in overdose supresses the respiration means and the guy is in simple terms no longer alert sufficient to respire. He substitute into already asleep, deeply so, while the respiration ceased. speaking with the coroner would desire to be the suitable thank you to get solutions that are incredibly precise on your grandson's case. that's the two against the regulation and a tragedy.

Answer 9

I do believe people turn to religion as a crouch to help them get over a loss, but people also become atheists, commit crime or just become BITTER ,so can I ask what is the better way of dealing with a loss, my opinion is that it depends on the individual, everyone has to do just what works for them till their pain slowly begins to fade and eventually goes.

Answer 10

I pray that God will comfort you and sustain you through this terrible loss. However I cannot see WHY all the Thumbs Down are given to people who care and are trying to give you words of comfort. Only God can help you in your grief and sadness in this time. You will never *get* over this, BUT with Gods help you will be able to overcome the tragedy of your sorrow in time, it will be a long time I am sure, but know that one day you will be rejoined with your Grandson never more to part again.