Should I let my daughter?

Question

Should I allow my daughter to go to an unsupervised party where her boyfriend of 6 months will be.

I know other people will be going so there not going to be alone.

My husband has his own opionion but i would like your input.

Shes 15 so is he

Answer 1

I'd assume your husband said "No!" with maybe some profanity! I know mine would have! I've often thought about what I'd do in that situation, my daughter's only 3 now though (thank god!). I wished my parents would have let me. I think it all depends on how much trust you have with her. If you think she's going to do some things that you will not stand for (kids do bad stuff at parties and some things are a little more acceptable than some..like making out is alot better than getting high or having sex, ya know) don't let her go. But if you think she's gonna behave in a way that you more or less approve of, let her go. So, my opinion would be:
If you trust her...let her go.
If you don't trust her or are a little skeptical...don't let her go.

You know, going to parties are kind of like a "right of passage" for kids. Not going will make her feel left out and for lack of better wording, not cool. When we were younger, we either had or went to parties, some unsupervised. Kids act horrible at them, and some don't. While, we as parents, may have that "you're not doing something to be cool" or "i don't care if it makes you look uncool" attitude towards some things, kids that age do care. And it really does matter to them. When you were her age, did it bother you if you were "picked on" for being a dork or uncool? I'm not saying to let her go out and have sex and get all kinds of tattoo's and piercings. I just think some things, minor of course, we should let slide every now and then.

Personally, I would have prefered if I was able to do some things when I was younger. I may have had more friends or not gotten picked on or whatever. I think if I would have had a little more control, I wouldn't have made up for it and THEN SOME when I was older.

Maybe you can let her go this time, but if she messes up, THAT'S IT.. no more. ya know, just an option.

Answer 2

My opinion just coming out of college is it depends on how old she is

younger than 12 >no

12-14 >Maybe, I would talk to her about her relationship and what the party will be like. Why her/his parents won't be there. What kind of things could happen at the party. I would ask her if she believes she should go to the party. I remember going to a 'party' with my 'boyfriend' but what I meant by party was my friends was there (no drinking) and when I said boyfriend I meant boy that I held hands with once and called 2 times.

15> yes, the younger she is I would explain your feelings about it and tell her what you think is right or not and why. The reason is she did not lie to you that her parents will not be there. I fear that if you say no she will start lying about it. Another reason is because of how close she is to 18 years old. When she is 18 she will be on her own and you will not be able talk to her about decisions. I knew so many people in college whose parents were very strict. When they first were in college drank all the time and went to parties. Where as I thought it was no big deal and nothing to get excited about. The reason, because my parents and I talked about how much of a waste of time drinking was and I never did. Let her make the decisions so she can face the consequences with you around.

By the way, kudos for being a wonderful mom and keeping an open mind with your daughter.

Answer 3

No, it's an UNSUPERVISED party. It doesn't matter if she's with other friends you trust because teens have raging hormones. My mom used to let us do anything we wanted almost as long as we were in groups and not alone. We still had sex! In dark rooms we had 3 couples at a time going at it. And the party is unsupervised so there will be plenty of opperotunity if she wants it. You must also consider there will be plenty of chances for a boy to rape her as well. I am 24 and remember everything I did when I was younger, and I wasn't a bad kid. I had sex, but with the same guy and he later became my fiance, but then things were pretty wild between us! And other teens as well, but some ventured out and tested all the waters way to early and fast and became hoes.

Answer 4

Not if it is unsupervised. Anyone under 18 has no business at an unsupervised party. Also if this will be held in someones home I would suggest talking to the parents to find out why they are allowing this even if they won't be around.

Answer 5

I say "no" for 2 reasons...

1. Whether her intentions are good or not she will be in a situation where things could or may likely happen...peer pressure is tough. I was in a situation like this as a teen and my Mom said NO WAY...trust me, although I was disappointed I was more RELIEVED. I knew the party wouldn't be a comfortable one.

2. You are opening a door. She is only 15 and you say "yes" to one unsurpervised party. You will likely be opening yourself up to be asked if she can attend more...Picture yourself saying "Yes, you can stay out until midnight THIS time..." You will have a pretty weak arguement saying "15 year olds shouldn't be out until midnight" in the future. Don't open the door. Stand solid now and only make the decision to open that door when you are fully positive she is able to make the right decisions. This will likely be 17/18 years old.

Answer 6

Ummm. tough question. It really depends on so many things.
1) Do u trust her to make safe choices?
2) Are u aware of any sexual activity?
3)Does she have access to the pill or condoms?
4)Do u trust this boy, and other kids at the party?
5)How will u ensure she is safe?
These are serious issues that someone who doesnt know your child cant answer. Just take some time and consider it from all angles. Maybe if u let her go make her phone in every hour or so. to ease ur fears. good luck

Answer 7

I don't think your daughter should go to an unsupervised anything. Mine's 14. I've taken her to a punk rock concert and let her go off with her friend but I knew she wouldn't leave or do anything stupid...and I could see her from where I was sitting! Your level of trust in her has alot to do with it but if there are going to be others her age-how do you know you can trust them? What if they drink and decide to drive somewhere? I wish you luck whatever you decide but I'd say "sorry hon, maybe at 17 if you prove you can be trusted."

Answer 8

How old is she?
You state she has a boyfriend, then it is important to know how old he is, how mature he and his friends are.

If you are worried, you should talk to her about why you worry.
As the parent of a teenage daughter that I raise alone, it is (just) my opinion that you and your husband need to have more dialog with her. Getting advice from us strangers (even those of us in similar places in life) is not the way to really approach this.

That fact one or both of you is not comfortable speaks volumes on this. It is merely my opinion that you say "no" and then explain to her why you felt it inappropriate to allow this at this time. If you can't sit down and give her a valid reason, then you really have no reason other than your own insecurity or discomfort with her being alone around this young man.

As a parent, you duty isn't only with your child, it includes their b/f or g/f too, and you should be comfortable enough to discuss these things with him and especially his parents. This is how they did things in the good old days.

Good Luck

Answer 9

How old is she? I went to unsupervised when I was teenager (13-17 years old) and not all of the kids were but some of them (majority of them) were having sex, drinking, and doing drugs. I do not think my experience was all that abnormal either. As I recall some of thees parties had parents there, and they just didn't care. You are the only one who can answer this question because it depends on her background, her boyfriend and her friends.

Answer 10

well im 14 and i have hhad the same bf 4 a year and i've been to a few unsupervised parties. but it all dpenendsz on the relationship w/ ur daughter and if you trust her. just set some ground rules