How can I help my 8-year-old deal with death?

Question

Two weeks ago, one of my daughter's former Sunday School teachers died (from 1st grade). She heard about it in Sunday School before I did and told me. She was sad (I was too) but he was not a big part of our life. She talked about it a little, expressed sympathy for his wife (her other, more involved teacher from that year), moved on. Today on the way home from school she told me her teacher would not be in all week because her disabled 5-year-old grandson had died. We knew this little boy some. Met him the day we met the teacher over the summer because he was at school with her. He was an occasional classroom visitor and went to kindergarten at the same school. Always smiling in his fancy motorized wheelchair. As far as I know he was mentally and intellectually normal. I don't know exactly what his disability was, but he had not been expected to survive toddlerhood and my daughter knew this too. Still a bit of a shock and now, though she seems okay, need to help her deal.

Thanks for all the answers so far. I'm leaving it open so I can get as many suggestions as possible. I should add, she has had pets die in the past (2 hamsters, 2 guinea pigs, and 1 cat). She dealt with these normally. This is just her first personal experience with human death, other than our very ill 80-something-year-old neighbor last year. She has been bringing up the teacher's grandson several times a day, and said her heart was broken, but she did not cry or act out. She truly seems more concerned about her teacher (Yes, I am proud of this). It just seems harder to explain because he was just a little boy, not an elderly person or even an adult. I can't even explain it to myself! We do attend church and she obviously goes to Sunday School, and it does help to imagine teacher's grandson out of the wheelchair at last.

Answer 1

I am going through the same thing with my 6 year old daughter. Her grandfather passed away suddenly two weeks ago. She went to the funeral because she felt she needed to be there for her grandma. She says she is okay with the death and believes her grandpa is in heaven with her friend that died three years ago. However, she wakes up crying that she misses him. I have just let her know that it is okay to cry and ask questions. We talk about grandpa everyday and share our memories of him. I let her do a balloon release at the cemetery and she liked that. Death is a hard thing to deal with for anyone, especially children. They just don't understand it. Be there for her. She may be okay with it right now and then one day it may hit her hard. Or it may not affect her much at all. Just let her know that she can come to you with questions about it that she may have. I think that's really the best thing you can do for her right now.

Answer 2

We faced this when my 4 year old daughter's great-great grandfather (George) died, and again when my daughter's 2nd grade classmate was killed in an in-home accident.

First, you can't hide from it. Death is a natural part of life. If you are Christian, you can discuss how Jesus has assured us that when we die, we will go to be with Him. Other religious traditions have their own philosophies about the afterlife, although I assume your "Sunday School" reference indicates a Christian one.

You also have to assure her that healthy, young people, such as yourself and her father, generally live a long time, and she doesn't have to worry. Little children live even longer, so she should have no immediate fear of her own death either.

I don't know what sort of problems she's having to "deal" with, the best reassurances you can give her are that she is ok, and the people closest to her are OK, and everything will work out for the best in the end.

Answer 3

Bless her heart.....that's alot of emotion to work through in a short time.

When a relative died last fall, I went to the bookstore and got some kid-friendly books for my 8 year old daughter that talks about death. It seemed to help quite a bit. She loves to read, so I'm sure that helped.

I bought mine at the Christian bookstore, but if you don't believe that way, there are some good ones that aren't God-centered. Also, your public library should have something to help.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Just be there if she needs to talk. I think kids are a bit more resilient than given credit.

When I was a child the sister of a church friend passed away. I really liked the sister a lot it was sad and it seemed a bit surreal to me. But I was able to work through it fine without a lot of problems.

She'll be ok.

Answer 5

Actually it sounds as if she's dealing with it quite well. Just let her know that if she feels the need to talk you are there, if she asks for help in dealing with it tell her she can write a journal expressing her feelings. Don't go pushing your help...she may not need it. We all grief differently and it sounds as if your daughter has a very good grasp on the reality of death.

Answer 6

we are contained in the comparable authentic boat. we've an 8 twelve months previous female, spayed, declawed cat. We have been given her from a guard 3 years in the past and ever for the reason that we had a new child 2 years in the past, she has systematically peed on each little thing our daughter owns, beginning with all her toddler blankets the day we introduced her domicile from the well-being midsection. we like and adore this cat, have tried each little thing decrease than the sunlight, yet we've self belief that through fact she's been declawed, the only way she will mark her territory is thru peeing. we've finally come to the unsettling expertise that the main humane element to do is to place her to sleep. we've stumbled on our daughter fiddling with urine soaked toys and we won't be able to keep the cat contained in the domicile anymore. If we carry her to a guard, she's extra desirable than in all risk going to sit down down in a tiny container for a month, scared out of her recommendations by using the sounds, smells and close quarters. no person is going to undertake an 8 twelve months previous cat with a peeing concern. the alternative to place her down will unavoidably fall on the top of one of the techs. If somebody does undertake her, we've surely in basic terms ruined their domicile and that they could no longer be as forgiving and variety to the cat as we've been. i think of it relatively is appropriate to stay away from that torturous stay for our cat so as that her final thoughts are a heat, loving domicile, no longer a noisy, chilly, unfamiliar cage.

Answer 7

My daughter was 6 when her Grest G-pa passed away. We took her to see the body & then to the funeral. We talked to her about her feelings & reasured her that Great G-pa was in heaven & that he was in no more pain. It was hard on her because Great G-pa is the first person that has passed away since she has been born (that she knew real well). I wish you & your daughter the best & hope that you can get the help you are looking for.

Answer 8

well.....hmmm she(ur daughter) should understand that death "appears" around u almost every day for example on the new or on the newspaper u can see that someone died because of ...... recently. so there nothing much to be affraid of. Everyone will have to face death some day its just that u don't know when.

Answer 9

hmm well i think the best way to get a child deal with death is if u get them a pet then they would get use to it and they would underestand it better ! and these days just be with her and make sure that she knows that u are there for her when she needs u!

Answer 10

When I was young my grandfather died, it helped me to write about it. Take her to the funeral(s). They might help as well.

What every do don't do that stupid thing about celebrating death.