Is it fair or unfair to tell him now?

Question

Well heres the soap opera that is my life. My b/f and i broke up for a short while a few months ago. In that time he slept with his ex g/f. She got pregnant. He and i got back together before anybody knew she was pregnant. When he found out she was pregnant, he decided he should try to make things work with her. A few weeks back he came over to talk, it became very emotional, and we ended up sleeping together. We both knew it was wrong, we agreed to never put ourselves in that position again. Although I've been on the pill forever, I'm pregnant as well. I feel like, they've been together for the past 3 months and he chose her. I feel like I should just not tell him, and go it alone. I'm 30 and financially stable. I feel like if i tell him, he'll think I did it on purpose, which i did not. It's a fluke that it even happened. Should I tell him?
They just bought a house together...

BTW, I'm also a widowed mother of one. My son and I've been on our own since my son was 3 years old. i'm not new to parenthood

Answer 1

definately what i would call a soap =] things get easier. no woman NEEDS a man in her life to help and support her, they are just nice accessories ha. Whether or not you want him in your baby's life he is the father and deserves to know. Just be like listen, I'm pregnant but I'd much rather be a single parent. if you want to see him or her on occasion thats fine but im going at this alone. as for his other relationship, its not going to work out. you cant work a relationship out 100% forever for a childs sake, its better for the child, actually, if they just shared custody than to live in that kind of environment. everything will work out in the end just the way its suppose to. I wish you more luck than words can say. Stay strong- its hard, I know, but you can make it through (and come out shining!)

Answer 2

Oh goodness... well, you were right about the soap opera.

Guess you'll have to decide what you want to do. If you want to have the baby, do you want him in your life? Honestly, that question should be paramount. If you don't, don't tell him. And yet... my daughter has a 14-year-old friend who had a baby when she was 39 (last chance kind of thing) and never told the father. Now all the girl does is fantasize about finding her father. It's heartbreaking.

I have 2 children with my ex-husband, whom I had less attachment to when I became pregnant with my first and caused our marriage. And it's heartbreaking, as well, to share your beloved children with someone who has married someone who villifies you simply because you were there first, and refuses to include you as a co-parent for your own child.

All these things can happen. Painful journeys, both, for everyone, including you. But if you think he'd be a good father, and deserves to know, or if you believe you will need financial support, tell him. For that matter, she probably deserves to know, too. I'd want to.

Sigh. Good luck.

Answer 3

Even if he is continuing his life with his ex and they are having a baby, you still need to tell him that you are pregnant with his baby as well. It would be wrong if you didn't let him know. You and him made this mistake and the unborn child should not have to suffer by not knowing his/her father. Just tell him, and exlpain that you don't want back together and you can financially support this child, and that you just want him to be a father to it. Every child deserves both of their parents.

Answer 4

Well....I can understand your position....but the bottom line is....unless you think the man is a pervert or an abuser....your little girl has a right to know her father. It doesn't matter what he thinks...it took two to tangle...it shouldn't have happened but it did...you could just as easy say he knocked you up on purpose....but that would be just as ridiculous as him thinking you did this to try and trap him....who wants to impose that kind of mountain on themself...my thinking is the most important thing is what is best for the child at this point. Sorry but you are tied to this man now for years to come rather you want to be or not.

Answer 5

Are you more concerned about what he will think than the idea that you could be depriving your unborn child the eventual right to know his/her father? Have you considered that your financial stability today could cease tomorrow due to a freak accident or surprise health issue and your child would have no other means of support besides you and your social security disability check?

Whether your feelings are hurt or you are concerned what he will think you now have to think about your child as well. I hope you do. It will be messy for a little while, yes, but you owe your child the best you can give him/her within reason. Starting with honesty. Take the high road.

Answer 6

wether or not you want to be with the guy you should tell him he does have a right to know that he has two children on the way and needs to responsible for both. im not telling you to so that you can get him back now he is responsible and pluse you owe it to your child to let him/her have that bond or relationship with the father. If he decides to be an *** then let him be but just tell him that you are pregnant i mean come one you dont want your child going up to him 18 years later and saying hey your my dad and im sure he doesnt want that either (the guy your pregnant from) let him stay where he is at just let him know what the situation is even if you financially stable he is financially responsible and should pay you some kind of child support and if you are that stable to where you wouldnt need it then you could save it for your child to get a car or go to college. please tell him!

Answer 7

Yes... I think you should tell him, but at the same time let him know that although he is the father.. you don't care to have him back.
Sooner or later, it will come out because eventually your baby is going to want to know their father. He also has a right to know.
This should not have happened in the first place, either time, but it has and it can't be changed now. I wish you and your baby all the best.

Answer 8

NO...go it alone! I took my first born with me and didn't tell his dad for 2yrs. I NEVER asked for anythng from him except for him to MEET his son. NOPE, nothing to do with him. He has NO other kids either. Anyways, my son & I are VERY close b/c of this. You don't want that man and his wife to have visitation with YOUR kid! You won't have visitation with HIS kid...you'll be without your baby every other weekend & in some states it's here one week his the next week...so don't do it! List NO father on the birth cert. I had seen a lawyer at the time I had my son...he told me NOT to list the babies father so the dad could't get visitation. Now if you go tell him he's the daddy...he can have a parternity test court ordered! Just leave him OUT of your life! You got your "love child" just be satisfied with that. Your probably the better off woman! She is stuck with a lying cheat and YOUR NOT. Good luck

Answer 9

well i think that you should.
because if it is his baby he has a right to know and he will find out sooner or later and if he finds out to late you might be going to court or sumting about the kid.
tell him that u didnt do it purpose coz uv been on the pill and tryd not to get pregnant and ask him if he wants anything to do with the child.

i realy hope that helps i realy do .
dont be down your not alone there are people that you can talk to even me if u want sometimes it helps to talk to complete strangers bout serious stuff ok im here for you.

Answer 10

Yes tell him, she knew you guys were together before all of this happen right, seems like she's the one who tried to get pregnant, so she can have him, and he's doing all of this because he wants to be a good dad to his kid, well guess what! you are having his kid also, even if you and him doesn't get back together he still should know about this......