I've been dating an LDS boy for about two years now. I study Buddhism, however, so our relationship is obviously short-term. He turned in his mission papers last week, but I'm worried about his past habits with me. I know that premarital-sex is a major, major no-no in the LDS religion and we've never gone that far. However, we done pretty much every thing in the book except that. I've allowed him to set the boundaries because of his religion.
I don't want him to break down during his mission because of past regressions. I know that he hasn't formally repented this acts because we still do it regularly. How can I help him fix this, because he obviously isn't?
2007-04-16 16:03:31 · 15 answers · asked by Robin H 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Would it be too much to talk with his bishop or parents?
2007-04-16 16:13:37 · update #1
You have to talk seriously to him and tell him that he has to talk to the bishop or mission pressident. As I can see he is not being honest so things are not going to do well if he still hiding what he has done. I think that missionaries should be temple worthy and if he has been having sexual behavior outside marriage he is not temple worthy and HE knows it and he has been lying.
If you truly love him, tell him that it would be better to stop that behavior, tell him to he honest, talk to whom he has to talk, go to his mission and concentrate on it and then when he come back you two can be together forever if you tro get marry. If you are not mormon you can't marry in the temple, but you can marry by law which would be marriage until death but if you marry in the temple you are married for eternity.
PS.: if he insist on not telling his bishop, parents or mission president then yourself will have to do it... maybe he will hate you because of this but it is going to be better for him because then yes, he will regret for not being honest and not saying the truth and mission is something serious he has to be honestly worthy.
2007-04-16 16:27:23 · answer #1 · answered by Love Yahoo!!! wannabe a princess 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You are right about it being a problem. Thank you for being so respectful and aware. I also respect the tennets of Buddhism. It is a hard question to answer, but I'll give it a go.
I can't think of why he would want to go on a mission when he is still indulging in what you say, unless it is a way of pleasing his parents or conforming to the norm (not good reasons to go on a mission).
Encourage him to make the facts plain to his Bishop/Stake President (both of whom he will have an interview with as part of the missionary application process). Honesty can be inconvenient at times, but it is always the best policy, in regards to spirituality.
If he doesn't confess to his Bishop, etc, I suggest you tell the Bishop, as the Bishop will keep the information confidential so it won't embarrass him... although his family are bound to suspect if he is not approved to go on a mission.
2007-04-18 10:49:05 · answer #2 · answered by Trying to protect my emails 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talking to the Bishop is NEVER to extreme. They're there to listen. I've gone in and talked to my Bishop about things that seem really small, but they'll listen and help.
If you guys are going against his beliefs you probably are hurting the both of you as most everyone else has said, but there's no reason you can't work on that now. Make sure he's praying and reading his scriptures as much as possible. It really means a lot to LDS people (or at least me) when a friend sho is not a member is making sure that I keep my standards. Make sure he's fasting too. Make sure that he knows he can get a blessing whenever. There are always worthy Priesthood holders who are willing to give a blessing in time of need. Just help him become as spirtitual as possible.
I know that you aren't LDS, but maybe reading the scriptures with him would help, or praying with him. Praying for him too. Just make sure he is choosing the right.
I hope this helps.
2007-04-18 16:58:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can see that you love him and this is amazing even you are not a mormon you respect his faith and that is just great.
You can help him, not doing it anymore, if he is going to his mission with those sins he will be really hurt because the regrets and he will feel in deep sorrow and shame, If you love him (I'm sure you do) help him to fix it.
I served a mission and I can tell you, after being apart (of this world, not talking litterally) and past through the temple, he will see a different world and will realized that he is not worth it and regrets will overwhelm his soul and heart and the pain will be so deep and strong that he will suffer as you can't imagine.
I didn't have this problems before my mission but I did commit mistakes and those hurt me even though I repented and those weren't big ones, but my Savior healed me and i did fix everything before fill my papers out.
2007-04-18 11:38:10 · answer #4 · answered by Dragonik 2 · 7⤊ 0⤋
I think talking with his bishop would be an excellent idea. He may not realize the seriousness of how those acts may be for him while on his mission. Talking to his parents about it may be a little much. Too embarassing for you and him and them. But his Bishop can keep a confidence and can discuss it with him (IMO it's none of his parents business, but it does need to be addressed). Set the boundries with his bishop in a polite manner (as I'm sure you will) as his Bishop may be concerned that you (as a non-member) may be trying to get him to not go on his mission. You might try explaining that you understand the seriousness of the issue, and why you are coming to the Bishop instead of going to your boyfriend. Approach it from an adult pov and treat it with respect and maturity and I'm sure the Bishop will treat you in the same way.
2007-04-18 09:56:53 · answer #5 · answered by Tonya in TX - Duck 6 · 8⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest you talk to him about it first. Find out where he is at in the process of changing and preparing for a mission. Ask him what he would think if you did in fact talk to his parents about it. As you process this with him, talk about what would be the best mutual way to resolve the concerns.
Hopefully he would be open to your input and suggests. In the event that he is not, I would discretely approach his parents about it. Find out what their input or suggestions might be.
You are doing the right thing. Do not feel that you are over stepping your bounds. You are being appropriate in your concerns. Helping a young man be ready for a two year commitment in ALL areas of his life is only helping him.
2007-04-18 10:21:18 · answer #6 · answered by Kerry 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Talking to his parents or bishop is the right thing to do. If he leaves on his mission with these sins present in his mind he hurt himself and others.
Help him know that repentance is possible and the right thing to do for both of you.
2007-04-18 10:34:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Why don't YOU set the boundaries? Why not show him a higher standard rather than let him compromise his own?
I'm not LDS. Just thought the question was honest and wanted to give an honest answer.
2007-04-16 16:07:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do for him and you would be to try not to be alone together, encourage him to speak with the bishop and repent. Boundaries become more easy and more easy to move/cross the more they are approached...
Encourage him to pray about his feelings and be supportive when he finally does repent, help him stay "clean."
2007-04-18 10:18:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to him and tell him to talk to his parents or Bishop. Tell him if he is going on a mission he has to honest with himself first.
2007-04-16 17:54:27 · answer #10 · answered by J T 6 · 10⤊ 0⤋