Is this normal?

Question

I've been living out of my parents house for over a year. And before that I lived with a friend for a little while and then went back home with my parents, to make them feel good. Well, I live four hours away, and I have a good job and am well...just good. If I don't call my parents within 3 or 4, God forbid even FIVE days, they go nuts, and call my phone and leave me messages to make me feel guilty in a passive way. Sometimes it feels like a chore to call them, because I know I have to call them in 2 or 3 days, or I feel like the worst daughter ever. I'm not perfect or anything. I'm the second and last child. I want to want to call them, but they even give me a chance to miss them. Its been like this since last June, and its mostly on my dad's end, and my mom just follows along. By the way I'm 20. I know its normal for my parents to feel whatever they are feeling, but is it really necessary to call them so much, just to please them? Its getting tiring.

I meant to say...they don't even give me a chance to miss them. The wording was funky.

Answer 1

beh I don't know if it's normal but my mom is like this. I live an hour away in a dorm and if i don't call they start leaving me messages about how they think I'm dead. My mom also told me that if I get my own place "before I have a husband to go with me" that I am out of the family. At least you aren't the only one.

Answer 2

During the first year I moved from my parents home, I would bike over several times a week for a visit. If only for a few minutes just so they'd know I hadn't forgotten them. It was never enough. Didn't matter if I stayed 10 minutes or hours, whether it was 1 day a week or 5. I felt like I was banging my head against a wall. It took me a little time to realize some parents have separation anxiety. Give them time, they'll get over it and don't let the guilt trips get to you!

Answer 3

That is a bit excessive. It sounds like they're having trouble admitting to themselves that their baby's all grown up... I have two daughters, 4 and 7, and I still look at them like they were tiny babies just yesterday.

Maybe it would help if you sat down with them and very gently put to them that you're an adult now, and would like a little space. Explain that it's not that you don't love them, just that you need a chance to really experience this whole "adult" thing. A good compromise would be to set some time limits on their calling - maybe set a once-weekly call up so that they know you'll be checking in, and then relax that to once every two weeks from there?

Good luck!

Answer 4

I don't know if one day you plan to have children. But, years later your words could come back to haunt you. I'm a parent and that's what parent do is worry about there children. Even, me now being 33 years of age call my mother everyday, I do this why, because I love her, and if I don't call she calls me. Darling life is too short, and no one is promised tomorrow. I know your on your own and want your space, but please try to make time for your parents. There are many people out there now who don't have a parent due to death, or maybe they don't even know who there parents are. There are even some people out there who parents don't care whether they live or die. So instead of looking at it like a curse, please look at it as a blessing. You are so blessed to be loved by your parents. I hope in the future, if you decide to have children, your daughter doesn't harbor the same feelings you have for your parents. History has a strange way of repeating its self.

Answer 5

Would they go for a time for you to call? How about suggesting that you will call them on Wednesday and Sunday? You should stick to whatever days you choose so that it does not give your parents any chance to worry at all. You can try to get them to settle for a once a week call and see if they will go for that.

Things will get better after a while.

Answer 6

Parents!
Talk to them and let them know how you feel, let them know you want to miss them but they are making it very hard on you let them know how much you love them and you love the fact they care sooooo much about you but it is time to let you be the independent lady that you are and it is hard to be independent and to grow as an individual when they don't let you grow without them. Maybe set up a day like Sunday and tell them Sunday is a good day for you a day you have time to talk a relax so every Sunday they can expect a call from you without them calling and calling you. You need to set up boundaries this is your life.

Answer 7

Just entertain them and call. I promise that one day you will understand. No matter how old you get, you will always be their baby!

Enjoy it because as they age and things change with them or even when they die, the phone calls would have seen very minor.

Enjoy being loved by your parents. I know a whole lot of people who would love to be in your shoes.

Peace Be With You!

Answer 8

they just want to have a close family,and want you to be reachable,of course you are their daughter.I'm 18 soon to be 19 my parents treat me worse than a 13 year old girl,they tell me to come back home before 10 ,on weekends,lol.they also call my cell phone when I'm out with my boyfriend,like where are yo?,are you at his house?,come home early.I'm like what,let me grow up please,lol.i cant go out or do anything without telling them,yeah suck.hopefully they get the message soon and let me spread my wings.i don't have a problem if they worry so much but constantly calling and pressuring me feels like I'm incarcerated or house arrest,ha ha

Answer 9

Just tell them the truth. Tell them you love them, but not much happens from day to day. So tell them that "no news is good news," so if they don't hear from you in a couple weeks , you're really busy and not to worry. But make sure they understand that you love them very much, and if you ever need help for any reason, they'll be the first to know.

Answer 10

I got it to work for me by telling mother I would phone her Sunday evening at 8. Pick a day and time, and stick to it. If you miss a call, you lose your credibility. It they have e-mail, you could also send a quick, one liner once a week as an extra, but don't let them start expecting it every Thursday morning ... Good luck.