hard questions for that idiot christian president bush?

Question

Dear President Bush:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's
Law. I have learned a great deal from you, and try to share that knowledge
with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the
homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of
debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God's Laws and how to follow them...
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male And
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
her period of menstrual uncleanliness Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is,
how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates
a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my
neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I
smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are
there 'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some
wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the
hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden
by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? - Lev. 24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn
themto death at a private family affair, as we do with people who sleep
with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can
help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal
and unchanging.

A Concerned Christian American

Wow - good sense of humor christians. If there was a god he would have smited me a long time ago for something like urinating on the cross, etc. Instead I've been blessed with a big house, great wife, tons of $ in the bank, etc. Maybe it's the devil - but I'll take him for the life I have. go back to your apartment complex or manufactured home and pray for forgiveness

Answer 1

1. Canadians are poor workers, and god wants you to get the biggest gang for your buck.
2. $850. Anything less would be morally wrong; anything more would be greedy. God doesn't like greedy people.
3. Ask them upfront; if they are dishonest, god will punish them, not you.
4. Yes.
5. It is your obligation. Get to work.
6. Their is an order. From worst offense to least:
Wearing different fabrics on the Sabbath.
Eating shellfish
Worshipping a false idol
Everything else is a tie
7. Get Lasik surgery, or you are surely doomed.
8. Hot pokers or stoning.
9. Yes, but only because footballs aren't made from real pigs anymore. But most of our Hall-of-Famers are doomed.
10. Sorry, but the whole town needs to participate. Anyone who denies participating must join your aunt and uncle.

I'm just glad to see you trying to do the right thing in the eyes of the lord. He will be most pleased.

Answer 2

Why ask Bush? He has moved onto bigger and better things. At least he understands the laws. You on the other hand, keep doing the laws that you are so desperately trying to keep. That's what they were intended for after all. Maybe a time will come when you realize that. Then you can come and participate in what Jesus did for you. But I think you need a lesson for now. Keep up the good work.

Answer 3

Isnt it fun to post things that sound like a good argument against Christianity?

There is a difference between purely Jewish law and universal law in the OT. Some of the laws were destined to be characteristic of Jews only and some are universal. (True for all people all time) It doesnt exactly take a Bible scholar to see the differences. Of what we read in the NT, things like sexual sin are STILL forbidden.

Disobediance against God is sin anyway you slice it.

Answer 4

I'm no fan of President Obama, but George W. Bush was an utter failure as President and deserves no medal. He should be happy with the ample pension he does not deserve.

Answer 5

i would imagine many parts of the Bible were changed; the fact that it was (assuming so) doesn't negate the big picture.

nevertheless, just because most people tell you the literal interpretation and THEIR interpretation of the Bible is the ONLY correct version, doesn't mean it is. why can't the Bible be interpreted metaphorically? Jesus often spoke metaphorically, there's no reason not to consider that many teachings are metaphorical.

my point: don't take everything you read in the bible so seriously/literally even if conservative christians do.

Answer 6

Im not going to bother reading that, but I do have an objection to one part of your question, you mention the idiot christian president on one line. I read a couple lines of what you said and I am a christian, I am NOT an idiot, I do NOT agree with what the president has chosen to do, and please do NOT group me with him because he claims to be a Christian, he says this to get votes, not because he actually follows everything God commands.

Answer 7

You missed a very important part of scripture. It is for the BELIEVERS. That means that Mexican Christians AND Canadian Christians can own YOU!

But don't be too concerned about it - If you don't have Christ as your savior, you've got more to worry about than us owning you. Worry about Satan owning you.

Answer 8

Why are you quoting Mosaic Law to a Christian living in the age of grace?

You confuse me.

Answer 9

I find you to be a very intelligent person, and should join me some day in a tearing-down of gods perfect word..

Answer 10

You have entirely too much time on your hands. Secondly, I doubt that you are concerned, christian or American. But that is just my take.