This girl I have been seeing for a couple months has kind of backed off here lately. Things were going real good then I made her a candle light dinner, then the following 7 days she has not come around saying she didn't want to move that fast. I told her I understood....... Today I get a phone call and she is telling me she doesn't want to date but she doesn't want to lose me??? Should I just cut her off and leave? What do I do?????/ Thank you
2007-04-16 13:21:59 · 27 answers · asked by Eric O 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ahhh... the old wants her cake and to eat it too.
This is girl speak for "you're not the right guy". There is actual science for this. Women are referred to as FIFO (first in - first out) in relationships and men are LILO (last in - last out). She liked you at one point because she encouraged you to pursue her, but now you want more than a casual attraction and this doesn't fit her plan. She'll let you hang around until she finds what she wants, hurting you in the process.
Hit the eject button. You be thankful later you did. If, in fact, she does care, and is just scared of commitment, she'll come after you anyway after you pull away. Pursuing at this point will do nothing to help your situation.
2007-04-16 13:34:07 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. Know-it-all 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to make up her mind. She can't have her cake and eat it too.
You might want to try and sit down with her, and see if you can get to the bottom of why things are bothering her. She may have been hurt before, or rushed into doing things she didn't want to do. So talk to her, see what her needs are (have her define "slowing down"), and decide whether that pace is okay with YOU, too. If it is, go for it. If you'd rather not slow down, you may want to find someone else.
You sound like a really thoughtful guy, to make a girl a candlelit dinner... She also may be falling for you faster than she intended! Sometimes, that can be really scary. So just talk to her, and see what's going on.
2007-04-16 20:27:40 · answer #2 · answered by *huge sigh* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask to set down and talk. There maybe something that she is afraid of. Maybe things are just moving to fast for her. Find out what is directly pushing her away. If you care about her and want a stronger lasting relationship I would at least make the attempt for a nice chat over dinner. Maybe it will help resolve some unsaid things
2007-04-16 20:26:10 · answer #3 · answered by WillsBroncoGal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
has she been hurt, lately? relationship-wise? because I had my heart broken in 2 horrible ways in january, and a month or so later started dating one of my brother's friends. he's probably the best guy I have ever dated, and did his best to see me even though he lives about an hour away. we were together for around 2 months when I broke up with him. my ex had called, and i realized something. not exactly that i was still in love, but that I wasn't ready for love. I thought about the 6 months i was with my ex, and how amazing it was. I'm not ready for that, and looking at the future, it looked like it was going to happen. try to get her to talk to you, she may be feeling something like this. the guy i was with for 2 months still calls everyday, and we are still good friends and going to prom next weekend, but im just not ready. if this is the problem, you just have to understand it. don't cut her off, and stay in touch, but give her room. good luck, and I hope this helped!
2007-04-16 20:29:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a girl.. I will say that this girl is not into you and the reason why she said that she does not want to lose you is because she knows that you like her a whole lot and she does not want you to feel that way towards another girl. I know that it sounds weird... but lots of girls tend to be envies! Just let her go, it's not worth it. Start going out and have fun!!! I'm sure there is a whole lot out there waiting for you. Don't stress it!!! Move on!!!
Good Luck!!!
2007-04-16 20:28:19 · answer #5 · answered by WiseGirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me like your girl is a bit confused.
she probably isnt as into you as you are into her but she still likes you and doesnt want to lose what you have over something stupid. by not dating you, she has the chance to figure out what she actually wants without actually breaking your or her own heart and your friendship in the meantime and end up losing something she actually didnt know she wanted..
you should just give her space and let her figure things out. im not saying you cant date because she did officially say that you werent dating....but it would be best to probably wait awhile to be considerate and let her know you still care. if possible after awhile, ask her whats going on and if she is still on the edge about it...move on. also, if she automatically starts dating someone else...you can too.
good luck =]
2007-04-16 20:29:25 · answer #6 · answered by allydally 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your self if she's worth it. This is probably going to be very complicated, but if you really want to be with her, then you have to pursue it. So number 1 - if she's not going to be worth a lot of work, let her know that you guys can drop the relationship, promise to stay as friends, yada yada, and the whole 'friends' thing can possibly happen. Number 2 - if she is going to be worth it, let her know how much she means to you and find out why she wants to drop the relationship. It could be anything, and it could be something you could fix immediately and you could get things back on track straight away! However thats not extrememly likely, and if you do find out whats wrong, it may be a helluva lot of work to get things back on track. But anythings possible, and its really up to you now - whether you really want to keep this going or not.
2007-04-16 20:29:09 · answer #7 · answered by tinkluvsyou114 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She can't see your a good guy? Forget it then. There are other women that would love a candle lit dinner. Tell her she lost out then. I am sure God has someone better for your future. Read Jeremiah 29:11-14 you will understand alot after you read this chapter in the Bible.
2007-04-16 20:26:32 · answer #8 · answered by Denise K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't cut her off. that's her way of saying, things are going too far too fast and she wants to make sure you understand she's not completely interested in a relationship with you right now. if you really like this girl, just give her time. she doesn't want to stop seeing you (as a friend) but, doesn't want to start really "dating" as in together. she's probably scared.
2007-04-16 20:27:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Basically she is telling you that she isn't ready for a relationship and when you asked for one she was frightened by the thought of a relationship. But she does sound like she likes you and doesn't quite want to give you up as a friend.
Unfortunately it doesn't work. If you are ready for a relationship you have to face facts that she isn't and you have to move on. It is not her fault and it certainly isn't your fault.
But you should continue to look around for someone who is ready to date and if you click is ready to commit to a relationship.
You need to move on. Believe me, if you are ready for a relationship it will not take you long to find a girl who you click with and is also ready for a relationship.
2007-04-16 20:50:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋