Drinks not included at the wedding?

Question

My dad asked how much the reception was. I told him $ per person and drinks were additional. He offered to pay for the reception but not for the drinks. I know the only reason he isnt paying for the drinks is because 1) He doesnt drink. and 2) My mom has a drinking problem. My dad is bringing his gf and probably doesnt want any drama. How do I tell everyone that they have to pay for their own drinks? Is that rude? Should I just pay for it myself? My mom is paying for everything else. And I kinda spent the rest of the wedding money already.

Answer 1

you pay for one glass of champagne for each guests to toast you and don't worry about the rest, the guests can buy their own drinks. Don't have bad feelings or a confrontation with your dad, for other people. Don't talk bad about your dad to your mom, she is the one with the problem-- she is the one who would ruin things for you, it isn't his problem. I think he is very wise.

Answer 2

You could have a short cocktail hour just prior to your reception (usually while you take your wedding photos) and limit drinks to beer and wine, which would keep your beverage costs to a minimum. My feeling is, the reception is a celebration not a kegger so alcohol isn't the focal point. One option would be to hold your reception at a hotel that way you can be received in a banquet room (with no bar service present) and guests can grab a drink at the hotel bar if they are dying for booze. They may be less inclined to get sloshed if they are paying out of their own pocket. Depending on the time of day that you hold the reception and the level of formality, drinks may not really be necessary and guests can go out after your wedding. Another option would be to provide a limited amount of champagne that is served just for the toast. You could also talk to trusted family/friends to address this issue with potential drunken revelers before the wedding and then have them help keep an eye on 'big drinkers' and have wait staff give them watered-down drinks. No one wants a big scene on their special day.

Answer 3

Cash bars can be a controversial subject. In some circles they are considered acceptable, but some guests will consider it tacky or even rude. You do have other options. You can not serve alcohol at all, or you can limit the alcohol. Rather than having a full open bar (which can be quite expensive) many brides only serve wine and beer. Buy an amount you can afford and when it is gone, switch to serving only non-alcoholic drinks. That way everyone who wants a drink can have one, but you won't go broke paying for everyone to get drunk.

Answer 4

I don't think there's anything wrong with providing a cash bar if you don't have the $$ to provide an open bar. Regarding how you tell people, you can note it on the invitation so that people know to bring some cash. It is true, however, that receptions with no alcohol or cash bars tend to be shorter.

If you really want an open bar, you might want to only provide beer and wine or provide open bar for only a certain # of hours and then switch to a cash bar. Both of these options will save you $$.

If your mother has a drinking problem and she is still drinking, you'll want to really think about whether providing alcohol is a good idea because it's your day and you want to reduce the possibility of there being any drama - not just for your father, but for you. If you provide a cash bar, you'll still need to have a conversation with your mom about how you expect her to behave. Even a cash bar won't keep her from drinking.

Answer 5

In my case, my family does not drink. My finaces family does not have any get together without alcohol. Most of them have lived in France for a while. My husband and I bought the alcohol that we served.

However, according to Emily Post, Miss Manners and most other etiquette guides--cash bars are rude. I know in some northern cities it's become the custom, but it is rude. You are the host. As such you are to provide the food and drink. You don't have to provide expensive wines. It is up to you what you wish to host--but to have it there and then charge a fee is really quite improper.

Some posters said you can't have a good time without alcohol. Well we all know that is not true. And in your case, risks your mother doing an embarrassing display or getting too drunk she doesn't remember her own child's wedding.

Knowing that your mother is an alcoholic, I'm sure you don't want her to embarrass herself at your wedding either. It is my recommend that you just do a champagne toast. It's classy without the guilt associated if people get drunk and disorderly at your wedding.

Alcohol is completely optional. See if you can budget it. If not, consider a champagne toast. Otherwise, don't have it and don't worry about it. As another poster said, they came to celebrate your wedding, not to get drunk. No one cares if alcohol is not provided. But if you dad choices not to pay for it, that is completely his right and I'm proud that you are not upset with him for limiting the money spent. So either pay for it yourself or have a great wedding with no alcohol. No one will notice they will be so busy noticing the beautiful bride!

Answer 6

I wouldn't say anything- if your dad doesn't want to pay and you don't have the funds yourself, just have soft drinks and call it a day. A cash bar is an option, but.... most people should be willing and able to go for a few hours without a drink. Just have champagne for the toasts.

Answer 7

If your mom has a drinking problem and you can't afford to pay for it, then don't serve alcohol! People should be there to celebrate your wedding, not to get drunk. If you really feel that it's necessary to have alcohol during the festivities, plan an after party at your favorite bar.

Answer 8

I would do a Champagne toast and then have a cash bar. If you want to go a step up from that with out to much cost add a glass of red or white wine with the meal. After that people will need to buy what they want to drink.

Answer 9

Not to be rude, but if your mother had a drinking problem, why are you serving drinks?

Just have a dry wedding. I've actually never been to a wedding with drinking before my own. Peolpe really won't care, I know I never have.

Answer 10

The easiest solution would be not to serve alochol. I would have champagne for the toast, other than that, I would have punch or various sodas.

I think it's rude to expect people to come to your wedding and have to pay for their own drinks and could be an embarrassing situation if someone goes to get a drink thinking its free and is told they have to pay.