Are You A Gay Person Who Has Been Turned Straight Through Ex-Gay Movement?

Question

If you have please answer and tell me how exactly it works.

My younger sister is married to an ex-gay and she is experiencing SEVERE marital trouble. She constantly complained to me how unfulfilling their love life is. They did manage to have two kids though. He eventually became very depressed, distant, verbally and emotionally abusive. Then he cheated on her with another man recently and is back in "gay rehab". I have to accept that my sister made her choice and must carry the responsibility for it. On the other hand, what if her choice was influenced by FALSE information? Many people do not know all the facts nor that medical professionals condemn these programs. Her husband and his church convinced her that it is TRUE. I am sure others as well.

Personally I am VERY skeptical and I disagree STRONGLY that gay people should be encouraged to marry straight people and bring this kind of turmoil into their lives. How exactly do you change from gay to straight?

Answer 1

Okay I am not gay or claim to be an ex-gay. Sorry.

I just wanted to say: Your poor sister! She is not the only person this has happened to unfortunately. As long as this ex-gay movement keeps propagating this unprofessional and unfounded claim which has been denounced by EVERY SINGLE recognised national and international medical body, there will be victims like your sister. It is even worse when you add children into the mix.

The people behind these conversion ministries prey on self-hating gay people who are afraid of the rejection and discrimination they will face if they live as their nature dictates. They give them false hope and NEVER tell them that it is VERY possible to live a happy, spiritually fulfilled, successful and accepted life as a gay person (in the right community) and even havea love of your life, a family etc.

More and more straight women will suffer from having gay men as husbands and also risk contracting HIV/AIDS when these repressed gay men stray (studies show men in the closet engage in the MOST risky, unprotected sexual activities) and more straight men will suffer when their lesbian wives cannot keep up the pretense any longer.

Either way it is robbing people both gay and straigh of the chance to be LOVED 100% truly for who they are. Sad!

Answer 2

I know of nobody who has been able to "convert" thru any religious program (of any kind). People are who they are. Your brother-in-law will continue to have troubles until he can finally accept himself for what and who he is. It's a shame that he and his wife (and the children) are suffering, but this is what happens when people allow other people to manipulate them into believing that they must change and be something that they are not.

Those conversion programs are all because religious fundamentalists want to control gays. Here is a quote from Reverend Jerry Falwell, and it hardly sounds supportive, and it most certainly contains no love.

"[homosexuals are] brute beasts...part of a vile and satanic system [that] will be utterly annihilated, and there will be a celebration in heaven." Jerry Falwell: Quoted in Jim Hill and Rand Cheadle, "The Bible Tells Me So", Anchor Books (1996), Pages 69-70

Answer 3

OK, not ex-anything myself, just plain ol' gay.
Gay is a state of being, like being left handed, or Prone to hiccups.
I may never have sex, doesn't stop me from being gay.
I read up on guys who are ex-gay, and they themselves are NOT Fundies out to ruin it for everyone else. They are gay men (possibly women I guess) who decide that living the gay lifestyle did not work for them. The "treatment" is a form of 12 step approach, which is, I will not engage in homosexual behavior today.
I have every sympathy for these men. The one common thread was a fundamentalist upbringing. Guilt! which sucks. If I felt like crap for writing with my left hand, I can decide to either put the pen in my right hand, or to not write ever again.
Sadly, these people feel that way about their natural expression of sexuality. they could either get into a relationship with a woman, or abstain from relationship altogether.
Anywho, your bro in law is messed up. He wants to be straight, but he's not. He can behave as a str8 guy would, but it is against his nature, and is unfair to both him, your sister, and their kids.
Someday the United States will catch up to the civilized world.

Answer 4

You cant change from gay to straight that would be like saying you could change straight to gay. There is such a thing as repressed gays which are people who think being gay is wrong and pretend to be straight. Frankly the whole idea of treating a gay person is rather ridiculus.

Answer 5

Not possible. One is who one is! A person can make the choice to live asexually, but if a gay person has sex with one who is not, he is being untrue to himself and untrue to the other person as well.

Addendum: To the person who says he is straight but often wishes he was gay because it would be so much easier, yeah right! Do you really think a gay person has it easy?

Answer 6

There is not a single "reformed" gay that isn't going to go back to being gay. They will pretend for as long as they can, but they're lying to themselves, the people that love them, their spouses that trust them, (if they have gotten married), and the religious people that have forced them into this position. This "Reformed Gay" idea is completely ludicrous.

Answer 7

I'm straight, as I was born that way. It sounds like your sister's husband was born gay. There is no changing the chemical make up of a person. They are who they are.

Answer 8

There you go. It's not a choice, it's who they are. You can't change that anymore than you could be turned gay through therapy. If you didn't choose to be straight, they didn't choose to be gay. As was obviously the case here. I feel sorry for your brother-in-law, and whoever tried to do this to him.

Answer 9

One cannot in all honesty change from being gay to staright and vice versa.

Yes, it's not right for anyone to give the appearance of soemthing they are not, especially when others are involved.

Answer 10

I'm straight myself but I think your sister should divorce this guy instead of trying to change him. I think it's impossible to change a gay person into being straight.
The gayrehab stuff is crap.