i used to take drugs and now can't forgive myself?

Question

hi everyone,

i used to take drugs, on average about once a month for about 4 years (between the ages of 20 and 24) and i can't forgive myself for it.

every now and then i think back to some of the states i got in and i just feel so stupid, guilty, ashamed and scared of the future (i.e. will i go mad etc).

i don't really have many other problems except for mild anxiety and depression which has been brought on by a tough uni course i'm doing and being in a long-distance relationship. this anxiety and depression i'm working through with a counsellor, but i can't seem to shake this one element of intense guilt.

has anyone been through similar things and got through it?

thanks

i also forgot to say that i stopped using drugs and drinking 2 years ago...

Answer 1

Hi there are many many people that have done what you have, you need to let go of the passed its gone and there is nothing you can do to change that look to the future and focus on the fact that you have stopped now and should be proud of your self for that reason. not all of us can stop and now you need to come to terms with the passed. leave it behind you move on to better and good things that you deserve and should have.
take care
Lisa

Answer 2

Hey, listen =)

You say that you have given up on drugs, that's a good thing! ^_^ You should be proud of yourself. Ok, I know that you feel stupid that you did this long ago, but it's over now =)
I'd say that you should stop worrying about what you've done, and let the guilt wash away from you. Really, if you keep thinking about this 'guilt', then it'll probably affect your life, and make you even more depressed, guilty, and all these other negative emotions that you don't want...do you? I didn't think so =) So please, just for me? ^_^ Forget what you have done, look positive, think forward instead of reeling backwards to the time you've been on drugs, and, just start a new fresh life! =D
By the way, I've been through stuff like that, but no, I never smoke or took drugs, but, I always think about my Grandpa, who has died long ago, but sometimes, I always have him inside my head, you know? When you loose someone, it means a lot to you huh? Well, I've gotten over that now, but he's still in the back of my head, along with the other memories or bad things I've done. I always say to myself...
Right, I remember all the bad things and sad things that have happened, but that is not going to affect my life and education. I'm gonna look forward and be happy =)

I really do hope that I have helped '~' Wow...I wrote a lot. It's just those things I guess. You start talking, and then you never stop until you have finished, hehe. =P

Answer 3

Well done to you for giving up drugs. Good decision. You don't say how long you've been off them, but you're doing really well.

I think if we're honest, most of us have done some stupid things in our lives, especially under the influence!

You recognise the damage that they cause. The drugs may have also contributed to your mild anxiety and depression. It's good you are working through all of this with the help of a counsellor, keep at it. I'm sure your partner is also understanding and helpful.

You have so much to look forward to now, hopefully employment that you will enjoy after your years at uni. Also a good life ahead of you - without the drugs.
It's all been a learning curve for you. You are moving on. You cannot change the past. Put those guilty feelings behind you, look to the future.
I'm sure your counsellor will have talked you through so many things. If you need prescription anti-depressant drugs to help with the anxiety and depression, even for a short term, then take them. Drugs do damage, there's no doubt about it, but if you only took them once a month, the damage should be minimal. You're still young and now you are looking after yourself, you should find everything will be good.

Go easy on yourself. Don't be scared of the future. You've made a few mistakes, now you are doing your best to look after yourself. Respect yourself and have confidence in the future.

Answer 4

Hi there

Is it possible that your guilt about the drugs is a free-floating anxiety, to which you've attached a particularly strong sense of concern - or guilt?

That's not to say it doesn't matter - far from it. I don't doubt that the feelings are real and unpleasant enough. The only reason I'm asking is that you mentioned being depressed and anxious - guilt can be a typical symptom of this (as can feelings of losing the plot - quite commonly, which I hope you feel is of some reassurance!). If it wasn't the shame and guilt of past drugs use, it is equally possible it could be something else. For example, some people over-focus on a certain element of their health when suffering ongoing anxiety. Accordingly, it's feasible that it is a symptom of your anxiety and depression, as opposed to the cause.

You may be ashamed of what you did when you were off your face and, yes, you may have done reckless things - we have to accept the consequences of what we have done. But that was then, this is now, and you are by no means alone - am sure everybody in the world has done something in the past that they are mortified about and makes them cringe if they dwell on it too long. But the act of taking drugs alone in the manner you have described does not, in isolation, make you a bad person!

Look - appreciate that you are under quite alot of pressure at the moment with work and relationship and accept that these factors are playing a large part in terms of your anxiety, possibly even acting as triggers for how you feel right now. But it really won't last forever. You're absolutely doing the right thing at present by seeing a counsellor - a very positive step that shows you're on the way to sorting things out and a good opportunity to safely unload your worries when things seem difficult. Stick with it and make sure you voice these concerns with them.

And just remember, you really are not alone out there in terms of how you feel - the fact you are prepared to seek help puts you leagues ahead of many others in similar positions who are either yet able to do so, or don't even realise they need to.

All the very best with it all - things may look a bit bleak now, but now is only one point in time and not forever!

Answer 5

First of all, congratulations on getting off the drugs. What I would say, like everyone else, is that you don't need to beat yourself up about your past. We have all done things that we have since regretted. I used to volunteer for a drug rehabilitation organisation called "Teen Challenge." It's a Christian organisation that helps men and women get off drugs without using methadone or any other drug. It's a year long process. Not only do the majority of the residents come off the drugs, they also find spiritual peace and renewal through becoming Christians. I have seen many men's lives change through being part of this organisation. I believe that the Lord Jesus Christ can help you to overcome the guilt and unforgiveness that you are feeling. I will be praying for your wellbeing and if you need any more information about Teen Challenge, either get in touch with me or look at their website: www.teenchallenge.org.uk

Answer 6

Yes- feel bad at what you did, but don't just focus on that- take pride in yourself that you stopped, and use your bad memories as an extra incentive to never go back to that state again. Also, remember that the past is exactly that- the past- and that you have been strong enough to stop the drink and drugs now, (unlike so many), so tell yourself you are strong enough to handle anything else that comes towards you. You have done a great thing giving up the drugs, which is something most people will never be able to do. Good luck for the future.

Answer 7

I think you're being too hard on yourself. Most people go through a phase in their lives when they go off the rails a little, and the vast majority of these get their acts together and get on with their lives.

Okay, so you cringe when you think of what you got up to - but you know something, it's in the past. Over with. Finished! You can't change it, so don't think about it anymore - you are not the same person as you were then.

In giving up the drink and drugs you have taken a huge step, and rather than focusing on the past, why not think about what you'd like to do in the future? This you still have some control over ...

The very best to you!

Answer 8

First of all I congratulate you on getting over your problem. I'm not sure you would want my advice as I am a person who has never ever even been tempted to try anything like that in the first place but this is what I have to say if you are interested.
You should be proud that you have conquered this problem (even though it may feel like it is haunting you a bit at the moment. Probably the worry of the Uni course is making you feel stressed and you may be worried about your employment prospects given this history).
Of course you may have regret that you allowed yourself to do it in the first place, but more important is the fact you faced up to the problem and realised that it was not a good thing to do and you found the strength to stop. If only all users had that sense, the world would be a better place (in my opinion). If this crops up at interview, (which I doubt unless you mention it on a CV), you need to have the ability not to let it shake you and to accentuate the fact that against the odds you beat this way of coping with life's stresses and strains and have come out better for it and make them understand it is not something you wish to go back to. This is likely to put their concerns at rest if you can be convincing enough.
Don't feel depressed I'm sure you have many wonderful opportunites ahead of you both with your relationship and future education and employment.
Above all else you should just remember how bad you feel now, put it behind you and look to the future and promise yourself that you have now learned your lesson in that particular area.

Answer 9

What I would say, like everyone else, is that you don't need to beat yourself up about your past. We have all done things that we have since regretted. I used to volunteer for a drug rehabilitation organisation called "Teen Challenge." It's a Christian organisation that helps men and women get off drugs without using methadone or any other drug. It's a year long process. Not only do the majority of the residents come off the drugs, they also find spiritual peace and renewal through becoming Christians. I have seen many men's lives change through being part of this organisation. I believe that t

Answer 10

Look love you couldn't find a more anti drug or anti smoker than me if you tried! Try not to be too hard on yourself! You have come so far and are probably suffering with depression linked with guilt due to your previous drugs! It's great that you stopped and instead of being consumed by guilt, why don't you use your experience to help others in the possition you are in, perhaps a support group or something! However whatever you do with your life, please be brave and as "barry Manilow" sings " only the strong admit their fear", I think there is a lot of sense in these words! You are truly on the road to a happier time. I have had bad depression in the past and one day I said to my friend " I think I will always feel like this" and she said " perhaps your depression makes you think you will never feel normal again" and I will tell you something, I have and still do feel normal, on no medication since august 2004, and in that time I have had my 4th baby, moved to a different country and then moved within that country, had plenty of things that could have previously driven me to the drs for more antidepressants, but I haven't ! I know you can do it and I 'm sure you will. Find god to have faith in and I know he will forgive you too!
Good luck, there is another end, and you should feel so proud of yourself!

Answer 11

Hey, you should'nt feel quilty at all. That time of your life has passed you should be relieved and also feel free. You have alot to live for - think about your friends and family that loves you. If the long-distance relationship is draining your energy then maybe you should rethink the whole thing you no. Sometimes you just need to do things alone, on your own for a while to determine whether it's a good time and place in your life that you can commit or have the responsibility of having a partner, cos a long-distance relationship can be hard on a person. If you havequit your drug and alcohol abusing 2 years go then you have nothing to be ashamed or quilty of. Its a very big goal to have been clean for 2 whole years some people can't do that - Your special!