Am I doing the right thing by choosing my JW fiance over my family?

Question

My fiance has studied the bible for about 5 years, and wants very much to become a baptised JW. I had no religious inclinations before we met.
The more I learn, the more it makes sense.
My family is devestated that I would consider marrying a JW.
Mom and Dad aren't religous but love the holidays....
They have said they will not support me in getting married and that if we have children, they would view raising them as JW as child abuse.....
I would never be abusive to a child! I don't see not celebrating Birthdays and Christmas as abuse.
My family ( brother, sisters, parents and grandparents) have all said they are against this and the words "disowned" have been mentioned.
My fiance and I are very much in love, and I can not imagine being with out him.....but the guilt of turning my back on my family and their beliefs is aweful...

Answer 1

not celebrating certain holidays isnt child abuse. thats just dumb.

if you love him, and you feel that what he believes is right, and he feels what he believes is right, then forget your 'family'. they sound pretty sucky anyway. no offense to your sucky family intended.

Answer 2

It is something you must consider for yourself--What will you believe? It is easier when both are JWs. There are strains from outside when mixed. That is mostly due to fear. At times, with witnesses, our greatest witness is just by going about our day. Seeing our values in practice. We don't run around a fire yelling booga! booga! We do a very peculiar thing. We believe being a Christian means looking into the Bible and actually following what it says. What a concept! We try to develope what the Bible calls "the fruitages of the spirit". Your fiance will show you the scripture it is from. There are Biblical reasons we do not do or celebrate some things. Following the Bible is not always popular, then neither is going to work every day to a job. A good many of us have days when we would rather be somewhere else but it must be done. JWs do not break up families, no matter what you hear. Rather it is usually outside family getting so paranoid. I did hear one woman on a call-in show who was livid that her husband did not ask permission about what he could believe!???

I would recommend study on your part as to what you will believe. Make sure it makes sense. Love it enough is normally nice but not practical.

If you do marry, be prepared for yelling, spitting, etc. Then it will quiet down and you may by example win over your family. We know not everyone will believe like we do. Jehovah created us with free will to make our own decisions.

As for kids, I was raised by JWs and I was never left out. I was the only one in my school. I always thought it was a little strange other kids had to wait for a certain day to get stuff. I would just come home one day and there was a bike or there was a table full of games. I really remember that time, I failed to remove a staple and cut my finger. Getting presents shows love by getting them. The day doesn't matter.

Answer 3

Firstly, I will tell you that I am a Witness. The fact is you are dealing with several things. You need to decide if being a Witness is right for you. You need to decide if the fiancee is right for you. These are 2 problems, though they are connected.

It sounds like your parents have heard negative things about us. Chances are, if you do procede with the marraige, down the road, your parents will start to learn more about your fiancee and his, possibly your, beliefs, and while not agreeing with them, may come to, somewhat, accept them/you.

Please think things through carefully.

From what you've said your famy is not religious, so the main problem they seem to have is holidays. Various relatives of mine have become Witnesses after many years celebrating holidays. It has taken time, but most of the relatives who celebrate holidays have gotten to the point where they can see that, We are still good people, we just don't celebrate Christmas. Throughout the Bible we read of instances where people have learned to have respect for the beliefs of Christians simply by example of actions more than words.

If they are telling you they will disown you, it sounds like they will be turning their backs on you. Whatever you do, don't base your decisions just on how someone else might react.

I hope things work out.

Answer 4

I grew up in a family that didn't really have a faith per se, although Mom always liked the sound of being a christian, and my sister was a lapsed, sem-practising catholic, while I went to an Evangelical church..as an adult I searched for answers and, at one point, even practised Wicca. Everything made me confused and sad, although I recognized that there were imperfect people trying to live a faith perfectly, the opposition to bible-truth was everywhere, in that no one seemed to practice Jesus words and commands to not kill,or make war, proper divorce, etc....
When I got pregnant, I prayed hard for God to show me the truth. I began an organized dissection of every faith; my old College research habits came in handy..I eventually narrowed it down to 2 religions...they used the bible, and I thought they were following it completely and accurately until I found out one had a 'new' female prophet from the turn of the century..she saw visions, etc, and they amended their teachings based on that. While that is completely their choice, it was not for me.
I have been one of Jehovah's Witnesses for 18 years. My family disowned me, too! They lived for the holidays, because there really was nothing else.. I was willing to go that path because Jesus said that if we loved him, they would hate us....also, that he came not to unite, but to tear apart, in the sense that some family members would reject us for our faith. Remember, though...who is doing the rejecting?
My family came around, shortly, all except one sister, who is tolerant(barely) but hardly enthusiastic.
People will tell you horror stories; they will call you names; that is their right. The romans said horrible things about jews and christians..because of their faith they did not support Roman military service, and would not eat the blood sacrificed for the emperor, etc, as I'm sure you've learned.
What you must do is continue your study...'make sure of the more important things'...put the Kingdom first, and Jesus promises that...'all these things will be added to you...'
When your heart is complete, you will know.
Never let anybody tell you how to think...no matter what religion -or not- they belong to. It is your path, and eventually ,your life that is in question.
What is your everlasting life worth to you?
If you were in a struggle for everything you held dear, would you let the loud voices of detractor's keep you from fighting the fine fight? Remember , if it's what you value, Jesus set the perfect example. There are well over 6 million Jehovah's Witnesses trying hard in this imperfect world to do the same thing, right now. Keep up your research, and I hope all is well for you.

Answer 5

If he has studied for 5 years he should not be dating a non believer. For the very reasons you just stated...because the woman tends to raise the children the way she believes. So your fiance' would be going against his bible trained conscience to marry an unbeliever.

You would have to decide for yourselves what to do. But the road of life is rocky enough under good conditions. Think long before jumping into this.

Answer 6

I know exactly how you feel and I am facing the same challenge [well, kind of similar]. I'm not going to list the details here. You can e-mail me if you'd like to know :)

Your decision to serve Jehovah should not be influenced by your desire to be with your fiance. You should serve Jehovah because you want to please Him and do his will.

Study the Bible with JW on your own and decide if this is what you want to do. It's so wonderful to learn all the great things in the Bible, and what's more amazing is the refreshment it brings.

Your family is not going to like it, that's a given. Even Jesus' family thought he was insane, and many persecuted him.

Mark 3:21 But when his relatives heard about it, they went out to lay hold of him, for they were saying: “He has gone out of his mind.”

About the holidays, you are not going be depriving your children of anything. As I always say, a gift given on a specific date every year tends to be predictable, but a gift given on any day, for no reason at all, means so much more. I know alot of JW families that come up with their traditions, so that their children won't feel deprived of anything. For instance, this family I know have a picnic every year in September. You can always subsitute something in for your children, and not celebrating holidays is not a problem at all. You can always give them cake, even if it's not their birthdays. You can always give them a gift, even if it's not christmas. And I'm sure they will appreciate it!!

Learning about Jehovah has changed my life, really, and even though I am not baptized yet, I appreciate the truth so much more, and I'm sure you'll be delighted as well. I know it's tough with your family ... but you got to do what you got to do :)

Answer 7

Sometimes hormones and wishful thinking overshadow your better judgment. Why not step back for a month or two. Take some time apart but don't just sit at home pining away for your fiance. Go out and do things.

You might also try attending different churches and make up your own mind on what the "right" church is for you. If you haven't been exposed to religion before now, don't just buy in hook, line, and sinker, to what you're being told by the Jehovah's Witnesses. Check out the United Church, Lutheran, Methodist, Baptist, Catholic, Episcopal, and Anglican churches. These are all considered "main stream" religions. From what I've read and studied about the Jehovah's Witnesses, they do tend to be viewed as a "fringe" type of church.

Just remember that your family probably want the best for you and want you to be happy. They are uncertain about this guy. My sister had to make a choice between her fiance and her family. She chose him. Then, he abandoned her when she most needed him. Her family, on the other hand, was there to sweep up the shattered person she ended up being and tried to help her put her life back together.

Answer 8

Well it is unfortunate you have found yourself in this situation. I personally have little to do with the JWs but I believe everyone should be free to worship how they feel.

Your husband and this new faith be better be worth all this aggravation because you can ALWAYS run the risk of being resentful the moment he or the JWs do not live up to your expectations.

There will always be this thing over your head, "I sacrificed the acceptance and love of my family for YOU and YOUR religion and now you do THIS.... etc etc."

It is not a very secure place to start a relationship. But many have been able to do it and later on the family eventually comes around. Best of luck!

Answer 9

Do what you know and have learned to be right.
Jesus said that you would have to pick up your torture stake and follow him. So do it.

I have family members who are totally against my religion as a Jehovah's Witness. And for the same reasons, they love the holidays, but for the wrong reasons.

As long as you put what's most important first, things will turn out fine. (Matt. 6:33)

Hope all goes well for you!

Answer 10

in case you incredibly love him, take a seat him down and get severe. tie him to the chair in case you may desire to. tell him the form you sense, with regard to the form you think of he's abondoning you for his kinfolk or maybe he's making use of that as an excuse to get far flung from him. analyze have shown that if an significant different asks an honey question their significant different will ninety six% of the time answer definitely to boot. If he insists onto telling you and retains saying "i bypass to work out them no rely in case you like it or no longer", leave. if he incredibly loves you, he will THEN understand he substitute into incorrect and are available back to you. there are various fish interior the see. each so often, God provides us an threat to love and then to lose so we are in a position to benefit!

Answer 11

I suppose this comes down to what do you want/need more in your life? Your chance to make your own family with this man or your existing one? I believe that your family is afraid for you because they dont fully understand the faith. They are afraid that you will abandon them for your new faith/husband. They cannot connect with you on this new faith...they cannot relate to it. You shouldnt have to choose between your family & new faith. Perhaps if you sat everyone down(your family & your new husband) and discuss it together and give your family some reassurance that would help.