Bipolar husband...should I stay?

Question

My husband is bipolar. When he is stable everything is OK...but he is not stable so much of the time. He is in treatment, but the ¨experts¨ achieve only amatuer results. He makes me and the kids suffer his illness along with him. I´m worried for them...and for me too. What to do?

Answer 1

I have a family member that was successfully treated for this and it took a tremendous amount of love and understanding from the whole family to get through. Give it time but if you fear for your safety talk to your doctor right away.

Answer 2

First I am bipolar I say this so you can understand what I am saying. being bipolar does not just effect the person but everyone around them as you know by now. You have to understand this is not his fault having bipolar is not something that he choose but something that he has. It can get stable and can be treated/managed very well. He needs to find the right meds before any of this can happen. If you love him then stay but if that love has been lost along the way or if love is not enough then leave. You see its only a choice that you can make. I mean if he is violent with it then you should leave no questions asked as violence is not acceptable under any circumstances. but if not please when you make your choice remember this is not want he wants as well and the things he does are not really him but the bipolar. also don't let him use it as a means to an end as not everything is down to the bi-polars fault as that's not always true and he has to face what he has done even if at the time it was because of the bipolar.
take care
Lisa

Answer 3

This is a question only you can trully answer. I chose to stay with my husband, whom I had known since childhood. While you are correct in that when a person with bipolar is 'stable', that things can be OK, you must realize that the 'unstable' times are what you have to really plan and always be prepared for. You must plan for all contigencies, every possibility. Financial, does your husband makes irrational and impulsive purchases? My husband chose to have me in charge of everything financial, records related, everything of importance. When he was manic, he resented having an 'allowance', but when he was stable, he appreciated knowing that our necessities were taken care of.

Also you must consider this, for driving, if he is manic, will he drive unsafely with the kids in the car? Road rage can be a problem, as I have seen in others.

Also, safety. Is he likely to see/hear threats that aren't there? Then how will he react?

i have lost my husband as a partial result of this disorder. I was willing to spend the rest of my life tending to his mental health, as you would with a person who had alzheimers. But I was not given that opportunity. Some people can do it, for some it is too hard. Do not feel weak if you realize that it would be too difficult for you. If you must step back, then do so. But don't do it in a manner of blame, I am sure your husband is doing the best he can, most of the time. He does need your support, and your friendship.

Keep in mind that medications are not a 'one size fits all'. I have known people for whom it took 10 years to find the correct combination of medications. Bipolar is a chemical imbalance, and every person's chemistry is different, therefore every person will have a different imbalance. It takes being brave and being patient to wait for the right answers.

And for your kids...they are stronger than you may think. If they know that you and their Dad really love them, and as long as they aren't scared of their Dad, maybe just some of his behaviors, then they should be OK, no matter what you do.

I wish you much luck.

Answer 4

I have been bi-polar for 12 years. The hardest issue to deal with is the finding of a combination of the right medications, and an effective therapy team. It took me 2 years to find a good Psychiatrist, and about that long to find the right combination of drugs to combat the symptoms. If your husband does not stay on his meds. consistantly, then you have a good reason to go. You and your children have a right to live in a calm environment, and a manic-depressed person off his meds isn't going to get you that. It sound as if he is frightened, and maybe if you look at it from that angle, you can see it from a different perspective. Go to his Psychiatrist with him. Discuss the main issues. Most bi-polar meds, need to be monitored, by frequent blood tests, which can let you know if he's taking them. This is a very difficult disease,,, If you would like to contact me, please feel free to do so. [e-mail], you can ask me anything,,OK? Regards.

Answer 5

Getting treatment at a teaching hospital is his best option. The doctors are cutting-edge, knowing the latest treatments.
He should also be in individual therapy, and family therapy, too. Support groups are helpful for everybody involved, also.
The best book I"ve found on the topic is, "Bipolar Disorder for Dummies". It is up-to-date, very informative, and in layman's terms.
It may be as simple as adjusting or changing his medication. It frequently takes a while to get it right. Hang in there!

Answer 6

It sounds like you are really suffering and need support. I think you will probably ultimately be happier saving the marriage unless he is physically or sexually abusive. If abuse is involved, protect the physical safety of yourself and your children first.

I suggest seeing a counselor yourself as well to help you get through this (if you aren't already). He or she may be able to recommend a local support group for the support people of those with mental illness. It's helpful to be able to talk with people who actually have personal, first-hand experience with what you are going through.

I encourage you to seek help at a Christian church too if you aren't already. God is a source of comfort who can be there with you when no one else can. Plus finding spiritual support can help every member of your family.

I believe that the only real answers for life's problems are to be found through God. Human wisdom is limited and so is human help, but there is a supernatural help and healing available through Jesus, who understand all problems and all people completely.

Life can be a mess and things aren't so easy to sort out sometimes, but don't give up on your marriage unless you feel it's absolutely necessary for the safety of yourself and your children. God can do a lot to redeem people and situations, and most great marriages that have lasted a lifetime are marriages that at some point were horrible for one reason or another, but the people involved chose to stick it out and see it through.

God loves you no matter what you do. Hold on to Him and you hold on to hope.

Answer 7

My father has bi-polar and while growing up, my mother and him split up on numerous occassions, which I found more damaging. We knew he was ill, but didn't know with what until I was 15 yrs old. He is obviously not getting the help he needs and through all of that illness, he needs to know that his behaviour is unacceptable and he would benefit a better quality of life by keeping on his medication. It's a hard one to answer hon, only you can make that decision for your own quality of life and your kids. If he becomes aggressive with the illness, then for your own safety you may need to leave, and my mother became my father's carer more than his wife...something to think about! He must take control of his own illness and not lay it on you...they have a tendancy to make everyone else feel nuts around them don't they?! This is not about love, this is about quality of life. You can love them, but not the illness, and when that takes over all the time then it gets really hard to deal with.

Answer 8

Ok... First is he agreeable to taking medication regularly to help moderate his mood swings? Second, is he agreeable to seeing a behavioral health specialist or therapist regularly to help with learning how to live with his condition?
Medication only works best when you incorporate therapy into the treatment as well.
If he is verbally, mentally, physically abusive during his episodes, then be safe and take care of you and your child first and foremost.
Just because someone has a mental disorder is no reason they cannot live fulfilled lives... It is treatable and there are support systems out there for the whole family as well.

Talk to him about seeing a therapist or the like and work together. You cannot do this by yourself, right?

Good luck !: )

Answer 9

I say stay with him....in sickness and in health right??? When properly medicated he should be stable most of the time. Stick with him, help him to find a doctor or therapist that can achieve the desired results. When treated properly he should be stable most of the time. Leaving him could worsen his condition as well. People with bi-polar disorders can have suicidal tendencies, so you should get yourself, your children and your husband into regular therapy to help you ALL cope with this disease.

Answer 10

If you are worried for yourself and your kids that tells me that you should not stay with him.

You can still try to help him and support him as much as you can. But he needs to understand that as long as his condition is not under control you cannot put yourself and your children in a situation that is not good for you. Perhaps that could be an incentive for him to stay on his meds. Or to look for different treatments that would be more effective.

I know in marriage you should stay with your husband in sickness and in health but it should not be to the detriment of your family.

I wish you the best of luck and you will be in my thoughts and prayers!