I'm not sure what to do about this....?

Question

I grew up in a Baptist church, but have been away from church for a year or so. My fiancee and I have been to a United Church of Christ in the past few weeks. He really likes it, but I'm not very comfortable there, because the minister has preached some things that are not Biblical. For example, he will not take a stand on how to be saved. He says it's not his place to decide who is right and who is wrong. But the Bible is clear on how to be saved. Anyway, my fiancee wants to continue attending there, and he said I can go where ever I want. But I'd really like for both of us to go to the same church....especially once kids come into the picture. Any advice on what I should do?

I've mentioned to him that I don't believe everything this pastor preaches, and he pretty much said too bad, he doesn't want to go anywhere else.

Answer 1

Read and study the bible together! If there is something you don't think is biblical that the minister is saying ask the minister about it! Often times our past teachings and current thoughts are not always biblical! ! ! Read the bible again, study the scriptures again before saying that the minister is not biblical!

Good luck!

Answer 2

Oh! You are expressing a desire for spiritual intimacy in your relationship while your fiance is only focused on the type of church he likes. Sometimes guys look at church attendance as something they do while many ladies look at church as part of their relationship or marriage. We males sometimes have a difficult time seeing church and spirituality in the context of a relationship. We tend to look at it as something we do - a task to be done, like going to work. We go to church to worship and we go to work to work. Whereas women need that spiritual connection to their spouse and going to church TOGETHER and sharing about it TOGETHER makes them feel connected more deeply and that makes them feel secure.

If that is VERY important to you (spiritually connectedness)then you need to tell him that. But don't settle for going to a church you're not comfortable with for the sake of the relationship especially if this is a "10" in regards to your needs in life. There are some things we give up for the relationship and other things we must require of the other person. Negociate it if you can. If you can't, you may want to take a long hard look at his character because if he won't work with you on something that is very important to you, how will he do with the other BIG issues?

In regards to what the pastor is preaching, you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!!! The Bible is very clear on how one is saved and if the pastor can't see that, he's not qualified to pastor!! How can anyone miss that subject? Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the ONLY way one can be saved!! There's nothing we can do to add to or secure that salvation! I'd avoid submitting myself to any spiritual authority that doesn't know that!
Anyway, good luck!! Relationships aren't always easy to work out!

Answer 3

You know its really okay for u to question or not to have the exact beliefs as your preacher.The united church believes everyone has the right to individualism and freedom of reason,perhaps that is why the preacher will not take a stand,as u see it.perhaps u are used to conventional preachers.why dont u give it some more time and understand that your boyfriend has decided that this church is to his liking.if after some time u decide this is not the church for u,then change.as for kids,they can be members of both,and when older can decide for themselves which if any church they prefer,at least they can make an educated decision.

Answer 4

No, C.of C. is not bibical, Jesus said on the cross' it is finished', the cross work of Christ was sufficient for our salvation. Nothing can be added to this, not baptism or any work. They also believe you can lose your salvation, no, we are sealed until the day of redemption, Eph. 4:30.
It is a gift, never earned either by baptism or anything we could do. I believe to think we could add to our salvation is an insult to Jesus. Never attend a church if the pastor says he doesn't know who is saved or who isn't. Your spirtual discernment is telling you to find a solid church, biblically sound. Gods sees you and your husband as ONE. On this major issue I would postpone my marraige. God is showing you this now for a reason. He may like it because C.of C. is big on socialization towards men, the head of the families.
Continue to seek the right church. I would submit to my husband in anything [not sin of course] but I would not compromise my convictions. God Bless.

Answer 5

The answer to this is maybe you should step back for awhile and really take a good look at the full picture.
1. Your not even married yet and you're talking about children.
2. Maybe your fiancee has different beliefs then you do when it comes to church and religion.
3.Go to a christian bible reading in order to understand more.
4. In the bible God says he is the only true judge of who is right and who is wrong.

Answer 6

I had a similar dilemma with my first husband (may he rest in peace).

I wanted to attend the Unitarian Church, but my husband felt there wasn't enough God. He wanted to attend the Baptist church, but I disagree with a lot of their credos and tenets. Being Unitarian, my belief that God is more important than the Church allowed me the ability to attend my ex-husband's church; that was our compromise; I will add that together we attended several local churches before deciding to stay in that last one. Where, although the community was wonderful, I was never comfortable with the pastor's preaching. My current husband and I attend the Unitarian Church and I don't have to compromise.

You and your husband are being bull-headed if after trying only one church he's decided this is the one to go to and you refuse to go to any one other than the Baptist Church you were raised in. You need to find a compromise that both of you can live with.

I recommend suggesting and visiting other churches in your area before settling on one that is so far out of your realm of comfort that you fear for your children.

Answer 7

This is the time to seriously consider your future. You are absolutely right that if there is trouble now, it will only increase when you have kids. You are not yet married, so I would seriously consider whether you will be equally yoked in your marriage. The stronger you are in your faith the more you will want to witness to your husband, and especially your children, it will be very difficult if he won't allow you to do that. Especially, if he wants to teach your kids there is no right way to salvation.

I would spend some time in prayer and then share your concerns with him, and perhaps your father, or the pastor of the church you grew up in, someone who's advice you trust.

Answer 8

I'd find your own church. You shouldn't make someone compromise on their religious beliefs. And if you do have kids - just have them spend equal amounts of time in both churches. They can go with your husband one week and you the next.

If having both of you going to the same church is more important to you than your actual experience at church, then stay at this current church. If your experience at church is more important than who you're there with, then find your own.

And if you're worried about not having the experience together - perhaps you could meet up for lunch after church and talk to eachother about the different things you learned at your seperate services that day.

Answer 9

You have a problem. You should attend the same church and have the same beliefs. First look for a church you feel comfortable at then invite him to join you and if he doesn't then you may need to think twice about walking down the isle because this will be a big major part of your lives. Good luck.

Answer 10

If you don't agree with the teachings of this church, before you get married you need to decide which church you will be going to with your children. My Dad and Mom were of different faiths and when we started to church, we went with her. My Dad eventually started going with us.

You might ask your fiance if he would try other churches out with you. Something like the Methodists or Lutherans might be a happy medium.

My husband and I are of different faiths and after 11 years of marriage, it is still a hot topic with us.

Good luck!