I'm not sure what to do about this....?

Question

I grew up in a Baptist church, but have been away from church for a year or so. My fiancee and I have been to a United Church of Christ in the past few weeks. He really likes it, but I'm not very comfortable there, because the minister has preached some things that are not Biblical. For example, he will not take a stand on how to be saved. He says it's not his place to decide who is right and who is wrong. But the Bible is clear on how to be saved. Anyway, my fiancee wants to continue attending there, and he said I can go where ever I want. But I'd really like for both of us to go to the same church....especially once kids come into the picture. Any advice on what I should do?

I've mentioned to him that I don't believe everything this pastor preaches, and he pretty much said too bad, he doesn't want to go anywhere else.

Answer 1

if you love your fiance and he loves you back, Find out why he likes this church and go church shoping untill you find one for both.
If you just do what ever he tells you, you or he could get bitter.
If you have children just remember one thing:
God is holy! - church is man. Learn the difference and you can take any religon in stride.
You just have to decide if this is the man you want to spend your life with.
I'm pagan and my fiance is atheist or agnostic (depending on the day with him! lol) We keep our differences relaxed and coax our way through if we hit a stumbling point (like i blurt out how can you not believe after seeing... X) usually.
Just don't EVER get into the "My idea is right and your stupid/silly/damned/fooled/blindetcetc not to see it." it'll turn your life into dominos quickly.
But if your only problem is religion it can be worked through if you both respect and love eachother. Talk to him, the preacher and the other people in the church.
Most theisms have a common enough root to have a little tiny bit of standing ground, and if you both can stay calm and openminded you can work it all out.
have faith!

Answer 2

If you do not feel comfortable with the atmosphere of the Church, you should not be pressured to go there.

If, however, you wrongly take his unwillingness to tell others how to be saved as a reason not to attend, then you may have misinterpreted what he is saying here. From what you've said, it sounds to ME as if what he's REALLY saying is that everyone comes to their belief in their own way, and what worked for him may not work for someone with a tougher life than he had. He ALSO does not have the right to judge whether a person is saved or not (that is for God, not anyone else, according to the Bible) - only help them on the path if asked. He can lead them to passages in the Bible, but those people in the Bible were not living in THIS day and age, and their instructions might not work for everyone in the 21st century. I would suggest, however, if you are uncomfortable, that you make an appointment with the minister to have a discussion about your concerns. He might be able to better explain exactly what he meant, and you STILL may not agree with his stance. But your fiance is NOT you, and he may resonate with the way the minister gets his message across. This does not make either of you wrong. Worry about where the kids will go when you HAVE kids - and maybe they could attend BOTH churches (if you choose two different ones), which will give them better insight into the differences their parents have about religion!

Answer 3

I would say your instincts about finding another church are spot on. A pastor such as the one your speaking of is not only inaccurate, but dangerous to your spiritual life. And your relationship with God has to come above all other things, even the one you have with your fiancee.

I'm certain other people have suggested prayer regarding the issue, but I'm specifically requesting prayer for the pastor of the church your fiancee wishes to attend. If this pastor is influencing your fiancee and potential husband, then he will have an indirect impact on you through your fiancee/husband.

Choose wisely the direction you go in, taking care to keep your eyes '...focused on Jesus on whom (your) faith depends...' (Heb 12:2) This is one of those kinds of things that can't be gotten wrong. This isn't like disagreeing on which color to paint the guest bathroom in the house you'll share. This is a disagreement about what is acceptable and pleasing to the Lord your God who is the source of life for both of you, and, as hard as I know it would be, it may be necessary to walk away from your fiancee. But that would be easier than leaving a husband; easier in every way imaginable.

I feel so much compassion for you, for I know this is a very difficult place to be. I am praying for all three of you. God bless.

Answer 4

Honey, I'm so sorry for you and I also feel sorry for some of the misguided people who have answered your questions thus far. My husband and I also come from different religious backgrounds. He's catholic, and I'm not but unlike your husband mine was willing to find some even ground where we could both grow in God's love. We have three children and altough they were baptized Catholic we do not attend the catholic church. My children will be baptized by immersion if they wish when they get older.
What I really wanted to tell you was if he absolutly will not try anything else. You will have to find your own way you can not grow in such a bad enviriment. Find a church, make some friends, bide your time and maybe he will come around to your way of seeing things. Just don't force it down his throat, most men hate to be pushed around. Remember the Lord is faithful, and don't forget to pray on these things. Good Luck

Answer 5

"For example, he will not take a stand on how to be saved. He says it's not his place to decide who is right and who is wrong"

He's right, it's not his place to say who's right and who's wrong....actually I believe the bible says pretty much the same exact thing.

If your fiance likes that church, then you can't, and you shouldn't force him to leave or attend any other church. It doesn't sound like he's trying to force any one church or thought on you, so maybe you should extend the same respect to him.....otherwise it will not work out for you two.

You're kind of saying that you don't want to go to a church where you don't believe everything the pastor says, but if your fiance likes this church and what the pastor says, by asking him to leave and go to your church you'll in turn be asking him to listen to a pastor that he doesn't believe in. Why are you expecting your fiance to be the one that has to change?

Answer 6

Have you ever thought how funny it sounds "to be saved". I grew up in an independent baptist family household and since I've been out on my own I've grown much wiser and broadened my horizons.

Christians are very hypocritical, back stabbing, elitists that feel like the rest of the world "must be saved". Do you know how many cultures have been destroyed by Christian missionaries?? Lady if you can't even go to another church and have a problem with the preacher not taking a stand on how a person is supposed to brainwash themselves, then just sit at home and keep repeating to yourself "I'm better than anyone in the world because I'm Christian!".

Jesus would be ashamed of what people have done to Christianity over the years. And he'd be ashamed of your close mindedness.

Answer 7

It is very important that you share the same faith. If the two of you cannot worship God together, then your chances of having a marriage that lasts are greatly diminished.

I suggest you have a sit down conversation with the United Church of Christ minister and see if he can answer your questions.

If you and your fiance cannot come to an agreement on which church to worship in together, I would suggest parting ways.

Answer 8

If I were you I would keep the importance of my spirituality number one. If that preacher really said that, then I wouldn't waste my time there.

Show God that you care more about Himand His word by going to another church that preaches it right. What's more important after all, God or the relationship between you and your fiancee?

I think that you were gifted to know the difference between the Gospel and whatever that preacher was saying. What will you value more?

Answer 9

You and your fiance really need to work this out before you get married. Especially if this is something that's very important to you. Sit down together, and lay out on the table the things that are very important to you as far as your beliefs go, and the beliefs of your children go. If he says he doesn't mind if you and your children go to the Baptist Church where you are happy, but he wants to continue going to his United Church, can you live with that? Get this straightened out now, before you take the walk down the aisle.

Answer 10

There are three elements to a healthy relationship between a man and wife. The first is their relationship with each other, most people understand that. The second is each of their individual walk with God, most Christians understand that, but the third is equally important, and that is their relationship together with God. It is right for you to desire to go to the same church with your fiancee. It is also right for you to not attend a church that does not preach the Word of God.

Do you have a regular Bible study together with him? If not, then start one. If you do, start going through the book of Romans with him, the best thing you can do is to help him see the dire state of the church that he is attending. As your fiancee, it is a red flag that he isn't concerned with going to the same church as you do, as hard as that may be to hear.

In the end, your first responsibility is to God. He is Lord of Creation, and must be Lord of your life. If your fiancee is not willing to submit to God's Word, then you may have to look at the possibility tha the is not the man God has in store for you. If you do wed him still, you must remain faithful to the Lord first, but also remain supportive of him as his wife, for he will be your husband.

Take it to the Lord in prayer first, and look for his answers. Study the Scriptures regularly with your fiancee, and look at the importance of a correct understanding of God. He has plans to benefit you, not to harm you, but sometimes they may seem very frightening.