Any ex-JWs (Jehovah's Witnesses) on this board? What made you decide to leave? Was it difficult? Advice?

Question

I have been in contact with a dissident JW on this site (you know who you are) who desperately wants to leave the Watchtower Society but is afraid of being abandoned by her family. She has always followed the Society's doctrines but has seen so many problems with it.

Now, she wants to leave and feels like she can't because her family will disown her like they did her cousin when he converted to a universalist Christian church. Can you give her some encouragement? Also, can you give me some advice on helping her through this trial?

Answer 1

Yes. It is a TOUGH decision. There is no way to sugarcoat it.

Princess Yum-Yum's comments are very thoughtful and kind, and I hope your friend will read and use her help. Danny Haszard is known and respected for his rational views among exjws, and hopefully she can find helpful ideas at his blog, too. I am adding a few of my own experiences and observations here:

I was baptized in 1966 and had a part on the Circuit Assembly that same afternoon. Over the next 34+ years, I directed or had parts in 12 District Convention Dramas, gave dozens of talks at assemblies and conventions, served in every congregational position at one time or another, had 16 students progress to baptism, served as project co-ordinator on Quick-Build Kingdom Hall construction teams, helped build congregations in two "Unassigned Territories," and was being considered for Circuit Overseer work when I had my epiphany and left it freely and of my own choice.

Firstly, I agree with Ishvarlan: It is a serious step that should be taken with consideration and knowledge of the aftermath - it is not a step to be taken half-heartedly, because if you go back into it, things will never be the same for you. Accept that people tend to act in their own self-interest; so, when your friends and family become cool toward you, accept that they are acting in their own interests, just as you have acted in yours.

Secondly, it is not NECESSARY to "resign," because if you formally do so, you will be treated as a disfellowshipped person. The WT tries to convince you that you must do so if you are leaving, but YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PLAY BY THEIR RULES! There is nothing in the Bible that compels you to formally resign. You can just 'become inactive.' Quit going to meetings and start living your life. They cannot disfellowship you for that. You will, of course, have to endure the occasional 'shepherding call,' and the questions and inquiries and inferrences from others. But, it will allow you to continue associating with your family and at least have a cordial acquaintanceship with others. You can always refuse to allow the shepherding call and rebuff the inquiries. That will not get you disfellowshipped. IF you resign - or if you begin to speak out openly AGAINST the WT; or, if they believe you are doing things that warrant being disfellowshipped, that all changes. Why bring that misery on yourself before you are ready? It will help your mental state to just 'drift away.' Like the C&W song, 'drift away like smokerings in the night.' You can always formally resign after you have become strong enough and have a good support network outside the bORG.

I notice it didn't take long for some - like Achtung - to already start comparing the one leaving to a dog returning to the vomit and a pig rolling in the mire. Gosh, how many times I used that verse against others. But it is exactly that LACK OF COMPASSION that was part of my final motivation to leave. That 'holier than thou' hypocritical self-righteousness, with no compelling feeling for others in imitation of Christ.

As an elder, I had participated in several Committee Meetings, wherein I agreed with disfellowshipping others - even some of my own friends. But, looking back, even then, there was this self-righteous piety that forsook the blood of Christ in forgiveness of sins. It now seems so strange - the person who humbles themself to come before the committee is the one who should be soothed with balm and healing, not kicked like a curr dog to the curb to die.

One of my own students who was disfellowshipped shot himself because we had not reached out to save him, but only to condemn him. After he had given up his family, his job, and everything else, we turned our backs when he needed encouragement and help. My phone rang one morning and when I picked it up I heard his voice and then a loud bang. Only later I learned that they found him with his phone in his hand and his brains on the wall.

On another occasion, in door-to-door, I ran across a Hispanic woman who spoke little English (I spoke some Spanish). She had been disfellowshipped, and, as an elder, I was allowed to have some limited conversation with her. I later verified her story with an elder in the Spanish-language Congregation. She had three small children and few work skills. Her husband had left her when she was pregnant with a fourth child. In a country whose language she did not understand, with few work skills, and an expected fourth child to raise, she approached the congregation for help. While she was forbidden to have an abortion, no one volunteered to help pay for her pregnancy, to help her find work, teach her English, help raise, feed, clothe, watch, and educate her children. With no answers in sight, she chose the unspeakable -both as a JW and as a Hispanic - she had an abortion.

Whatever one's view of abortion, the point here is - the JW congregation did not reach out to help her in her need, but only to condemn her when she 'sinned.' When she violated the faith, they disfellowshipped her, but in her frantic, worried, needful state, the congregation did not give her alternative answers. Even the elder I verified it with had been shaken by the hypocrisy. I walked away from that door feeling that I was part of a grand hypocrisy. That we would kill the sick dog before we would take it to the vet. (Not comparing a person to a dog, but by way of illustrating the organizational hypocrisy.)

Sklemetti said that "People become exjws because they do not understand Jehovah's Witnesses properly." I beg to differ. I certainly think I *DO* understand the religion and the organization. Many become exjws precisely because they *DO* come to a complete understanding of it. Jesus said you will know a tree by its fruits. I saw too much rotten fruit to continue believing it was a good tree. The WT / JW's use that verse against other religions, but it applies equally to all. When the WT became corrupted with powerhungry hypocritical leaders, their bad fruit abounded. The tree became rotten. As I have said, I don't dislike JW's individually. But, each individual JW has an obligation to examine whether they truly believe the "TRUTH" is about a man-made organization or about the man of the heart - the 'spiritual jew.'

Your friend - if she is concerned about losing her family - can just leave quietly and without a big fuss so as to avoid the ostracism that will visit her if she is vocally in opposition and formally resigns. Just put up with the annoying CO visits and questions from the others in the congregation - or, refuse to engage them or to permit the 'shepherding calls'. At least for awhile, until she can build a support network outside the congregation. Don't get sucked into arguments about it. I had to tell my mom that I was not going to discuss it and then I had to REFUSE TO DISCUSS IT.

There are online groups of exjws, but be cautious. Some have a vendetta and too much anger and hate. Some make up stories or exaggerations. Don't believe every story or you will become prey to the next falsehood.

It takes time - Stephen Hassan (http://www.freedomofmind.com ) has published some good data about leaving high control groups. He was a Moonie before leaving and pursuing psychology. He has estimated it takes between 5 - 7 years to really regain yourself after leaving. Be patient with yourself. You do not have to explain your hesitance or awkwardness to others who do not understand why you seem naive.

I also suggest not jumping into another religion. Most JW's who leave follow one of three or four paths. One is to get right into an ultra fundamentalist fire and brimstone Pentecostal-like church where someone is telling you what god said. All you're doing is changing one high control group for another. Some become athiest or Wiccan. Some eschew all religion and focus on spirituality (that's what I did). Some join Universalist Unitarian because they are open and accepting. But, whatever you choose, TAKE YOUR TIME! Make sure you know YOU before you choose.

One last word. Some who leave the WT feel compelled to anger and spite. They may infer that you have an obligation to join them in their hate and bile and anger and corrosiveness. You do not have to do it if you do not want to. Even Ray Franz, the former member of the Governing Body, does not get into those games. Just because you think the WT has been rejected by God does not mean you must war against them. Ray has been vilified for example, because he will not lend his name to the Silent Lambs movement (about child abuse in the WT). Some have said he is shirking his obligation. I disagree. Your obligation is between you and God. Everyone has their own gift. God has not called him to engage in a crusade, only to reveal the truth that he knew about the inner workings of the bORG.

The ones who will insist that you join them in campaigning AGAINST the WT will be doing so because of their own issues. They may believe it is right, and maybe for them it is. But you have as much right not to as they have to. Act upon your god-given conscience and without trying to please others. You will be happy within yourself and love your spiritual relationship if you stay true to your god-given conscience.

There is so so so so much more, but it cannot all be put in one posting. They can email me. While I have some issues with the bORG, I love the individuals.

It is a hard choice, and requires a persistent spirit. But ...

... there *IS* life after the Tower. And it is *GOOD*!

Answer 2

1. The false prophecies, particularly the 1914 false prophecy. I learned that they had changed the which means of 1914 a number of instances. 2. The blood predicament. I did an essay on the challenge and noticed it from the opposite viewpoint. Three. Their UN membership. Four. The child molestations, how they dealt with the instances, how they made the VICTIMS the bad guy and included the molesters, even defending the molesters with their possess lawyers. 5. Disorders with the Bible quite often, especially the book of Job. How could or not it's the infallible word of God when it was written in verse? Accordingly what is said within the booklet of Job is artwork and not actually what Job and the other characters without a doubt said. 6. Its cult-like characteristics. Its similarities to other cults just like the humans's Temple and Heaven's Gate and so forth...

Answer 3

a million. The fake prophecies, primarily the 1914 fake prophecy. I discovered that that they had transformed the which means of 1914 a number of instances. two. The blood limitation. I did an essay at the limitation and noticed it from the reverse point of view. three. Their UN club. four. The little one molestations, how they dealt with the instances, how they made the VICTIMS the dangerous man and included the molesters, even protecting the molesters with their possess attorneys. five. Issues with the Bible traditionally, primarily the ebook of Job. How would or not it's the infallible phrase of God whilst it used to be written in verse? Therefore what is alleged within the ebook of Job is artwork and now not actually what Job and the opposite characters truthfully mentioned. 6. Its cult-like features. Its similarities to different cults just like the People's Temple and Heaven's Gate and so on...

Answer 4

Yes there are former Witnesses on Y!A though I doubt much help can be given over Y!A. The person in question needs to first think long and hard about what they want to do. They need to be honest with themselves and others. If she decides to leave that is her right, however she needs to be ready to accept her families decision in the matter as it is their right. Hopefully NO ONE would make a life altering decision based on conversations with a stranger.

Answer 5

Yes I am one of 10 million ex-JW and there are 13,000 leaving every month.

I was born 3rd generation JW in 1957 exited 1992

There is good and valid reasons why there is such an outrage against the Watchtower for misleading millions of followers.Many have invested everything in the 'imminent' apocalyptic promises of the Jehovah's Witnesses and have died broken and beaten.

If you/I wanted to go to work for a fortune 500 company like say,Bill Gates Microsoft we would listen to critics and any disgruntled employees and all praise too.
Remember Enron and Worldcom companys

Watchtower lie and people die!
I was born 1957 as a 3rd generation Jehovah's Witness I gave them 33 years of my life
My personal blog http://www.dannyhaszard.com

Answer 6

If the JW's were really from God they wouldn't give out these harsh responses. The road to salvation is a narrow one. If she make's a decision for Christ it will be worth it in spite of her family. May she pray to God in Jesus to do what is right. If she's seen the light about the Watchtower she is halfway there.

May God bless you and your friend

Answer 7

People become exjws because they do not understand Jehovah's Witnesses properly. First they have this crazy idea that we are the Watchtower Society or that the Watchtower Society controls us. That is so not true.

And if people have problems with being Jehovah's Witnesses, it is because they focus on the doctrines rather than on loving and fearing JEhovah God.

I say, that they should learn about Jehovah's Witnesses from real sources. Go to www.jwproclaimers.org and listen to our teachings.

Answer 8

2 John 9 Everyone that pushes ahead and does not remain in the teaching of the Christ does not have God. He that does remain in this teaching is the one that has both the Father and the Son. 10 If anyone comes to YOU and does not bring this teaching, never receive him into YOUR homes or say a greeting to him. 11 For he that says a greeting to him is a sharer in his wicked works.

Answer 9

So far, no ex JW's have answered. Allow me to be the first.

(1) What made me decide to leave? Their false prophesies about the Battle of Armageddon. Their demands for total obedience. Their controling tactics. Their insistance that salvation has to be earned by going from door to door. Their false teaching that only 144,000 will go to heaven. Their arrogance is thinking they, and only they, have the truth. Their refusal to worship Jesus and their total lack of understanding of the triune nature of God. The way they treated a dear friend who decided to leave them. The way they still treat my friend. The way they treat people who question what they are taught and the pressure put on those who remain dissatisfied with the answers they are given. Their total alegience to the Governing Body. I could go on, but I think you get the drift.

(2) Was it difficult? Yes. I had to move to another country to get free of them. My parents and eldest sister and brother would have nothing to do with me. I was not welcome, even at my mother's funeral and then, many years later, at my father's funeral. I used to have a recurring nightmare where I was being forced to go to door to door and attend the meetings. That dream only stopped some 11 years ago after I became a Christian. It was fear that kept me in bondage to the JW's for so many years - fear of not surviving Armageddon, fear of being ostracised by my family, fear of having to live alone without any family or friends.

(3) Advice? Pray. Get out the Bible, pray, read it and ask for God's help. Persist in prayer. Persist in reading God's Word. Seek out Christians who show by example that they are indwelt by the Holy Spirit and display Christian love in word and deed. Ask God to take over. Ask Jesus to be your Lord and Saviour. Be open to any promptings of the Holy Spirit. Trust in God.

(4) Encouragement - John 14: 6 - "No-one comes to the Father except through me" (me, being Jesus). 1 John 4:18 which shows that fear of judgment cannot exist alongside God's perfect love. Matthew 7: 7-8 - "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

Check out The Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan. Read Charles H Spurgeon's 'Morning and Evening', a very useful aid to prayer and devotion. Read some of C.S. Lewis' works.

The best help is through prayer. Get everyone you know to pray for your friend. My friend prayed for me for 10 years - even though I had abandoned God, he had not abandoned me - and God answered my friend's prayers in a spectacular fashion. Trust in God. He knows our every need and his timing is always perfect. May God bless you.

Answer 10

(2 Peter 2:19-22) While they are promising them freedom, they themselves are existing as slaves of corruption. For whoever is overcome by another is enslaved by this one. 20 Certainly if, after having escaped from the defilements of the world by an accurate knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they get involved again with these very things and are overcome, the final conditions have become worse for them than the first. 21 For it would have been better for them not to have accurately known the path of righteousness than after knowing it accurately to turn away from the holy commandment delivered to them. 22 The saying of the true proverb has happened to them: “The dog has returned to its own...