My younger sister just announced her engagement right in the time period where I believe my boyfriend of 3 years was going to propose to me. Now I feel that if he asks me in the near future, everyone will think we were copying my sister and stealing her glory. We've been planning our wedding for years now, but waiting for the right moment. It's an open topic, and he has hinted that he would ask me officially sometime in the next few months. But, like I said, now it looks bad. I feel like my sister ruined our timing. How long should he wait to ask me? If he proposed soon, should I hide it for a few months and announce it at a later date to my family? Also, my sister has yet to set a date, she said "at least a year." Should I worry about setting our date a certain number of months away from her unknown date? I don't want her to feel like I'm butting in on her glory, but at the same time, I don't want to wait forever.
2007-04-16 05:25:22 · 14 answers · asked by kindred 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My friend Kathleen is in a similar position; her younger sister has a wedding set for this October, and her bf just proposed. The sister has been living with her fiance for over a year, and the wedding was more expected than a surprise. Kathleen has set her wedding for next May and has the difficult job now of keeping her engagement parties, bridal showers, etc, don't conflict with her sister's.
Some people I've told this to have been appalled that Kathleen got engaged at all with her sister's wedding still in the works, saying that she and her bf should have waited till after October. But that's not fair at all; it wasn't up to Kathleen how either of these relationships have progressed, and they shouldn't have to postpone their happiness and life together because of someone else's calendar.
In your case, your sister hasn't even set a date for you to be competing with. In my opinion, when people do this, it means they regard "engagement" as a seperate stage of a relationship rather than an exciting time of preparation for marriage (not unlike folk who live together without being married), and that they aren't taking marriage seriously as a goal. You and your bf have the right idea of what it means to be engaged, especially when you say "I don't want to wait forever". Move forward with what you and your bf want and don't worry so much about your sister; just take care that your party schedules don't conflict and everything will be great.
Best wishes!
2007-04-16 05:55:13 · answer #1 · answered by Mysterious Gryphon 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is your life. Go ahead and have the small ceremony you want with your fiance soon and don't worry what the rest of the family says. As you noted, your sister has about a year to plan her big event, and with yours over, she and everyone else can focus on her per her wishes. However, hopefully your sister and her fiance will participate in some premarital counseling. A wedding is a big day, but the important part is the long term marriage after wards. By focusing exclusively on the build up and the big finale of a wedding, she is setting herself up for a monster let down when after all the festivities, she is "just" a wife. The goal for both of you is a happy marriage for the next 50+ years, so a little matter of the anniversary date seems like a small thing to fret over. Good-luck.
2016-04-01 04:19:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got engaged a few days after my brother...not a big deal at all. But Im not competitive with him, so I dont know if that makes a difference. However, I do think our weddings should be at least 6 months apart...so if I was you I would be more worried about staking out my claim to a wedding date before your sister does, rather than worrying about the proximity of your engagement. Since you and your bf have been together for so long, Im sure no one will think that its silly for you to get engaged so closely to your sister.
Side note: the glory of an engagement only last about a week, after which time the pain and agony of wedding planning kicks in!
2007-04-16 06:02:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your sister is not trying to overshadow you. If you have been planning for a while and he hasn't yet proposed, then he dropped the ball! She can't wait forever until your boyfriend decides it is the right time. That is unfair to her and selfish of you.
If your boyfriend proposes (officially!) within the next few months, you will have no choice but to announce it close to her announcement. However, I don't see why he would - he's already waited a couple of years.
2007-04-16 05:34:43 · answer #4 · answered by duritzgirl4 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation, but I dont feel that you should put your own love life on the back burner for your sister. She is receiving her own praise for the engagement and why should you miss out on the same celebrations. I mean she can hardly call it copying when you've been together for 3 years, its gotta happen sometime. I think that love doesn't wait and you should embrace your own engagement in the midst of your sister's. Best of luck!
2007-04-16 05:35:13 · answer #5 · answered by katie o<33 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I got engaged after his brother did. And, we planned our wedding for two months before his brother's wedding. Never once did I think we were "stealing their thunder". Every wedding is special. It is a special day for the bride and groom. No one can ever take that away. My brother-in-law eventually called off his wedding-- for reasons that had nothing to do with us. But even if he had gotten married, it just would have been two weddings instead of one-- double the pleasure.
Go ahead and announce your engagement when it happens. If you're concerned about the date, set it a few months different from your sister's wedding. In the end, your family will be proud to have two daughters getting married.
Best wishes!
2007-04-16 05:42:11 · answer #6 · answered by monica_dietz@sbcglobal.net 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i wouldn't worry to much about stealing her glory
.. i got engaged in october and my sister got engaged february. Just make sure that if you plan a wedding date they are not close together. also keep in mind that if you have guests traveling to both weddings it could get expensive for them to come to one and then the next a few months or even a year later!
2007-04-16 05:44:35 · answer #7 · answered by stephanie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
all you're adding is more joy to the table. if your sister doesn't care what are you waiting for. talk to her about the date of your wedding so the 2 of you can plan around each other so no one gets hurt
2007-04-16 06:45:28 · answer #8 · answered by shiara_blade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as long as there's a month between her announcement and yours, i don't think it would be a problem. and since she hasn't set a date yet, you can set yours whenever you want, since you've been planning long before she has. then she can set her date in accordance with yours.
2007-04-16 05:31:18 · answer #9 · answered by LoriBeth 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are worrying over something that hasn't happend and planning for a wedding but yet, you have not even been proposed yet?
Hmm you are worring about the WRONG things here dear,
Good luck
2007-04-16 05:33:57 · answer #10 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋