A friend of mine is getting married in June. Her sister has taken over the details of planning all of her parties for her. She's already had a bridal shower (which her sister put the WEDDING registries in the invitation!) My friend asked me to be a hostess for which I purchased the dress and shoes for already (and happy to do so), but my question is: If I have to buy a wedding gift, the outfit for the wedding, they've asked us to bring a dish to the rehearsal dinner, a bridal shower gift and now her sister wants us to pay $25.00 to attend the bachelorette party, is it wrong for me to be a little less than happy about the "party fee"? Also bearing in mind that I too am getting married this year, moving into a new home and on what I make per paycheck, I'm almost offended at the thought. She's even asked for a $10.00 NON-REFUNDABLE R.S.V.P I would like input from anyone and everyone who knows a little more about these kinds of things. Serious answers PLEASE! Thanks So Much!!
2007-04-16 05:12:29 · 27 answers · asked by dct1218 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
For Camel Toe: I CAN pay for my own wedding, I just don't think I should pay for everyone elses! I don't plan on charging my guests for anything! I'd never heard of this being done and I just wanted honest, unbiased, PRODUCTIVE answers, and other than yours, everyone else has obliged! Have a nice day!!
2007-04-16 06:49:24 · update #1
Well, it looks like you have a number of questions and concerns here.
First of all, the wedding registry listed in the invitation to the bridal shower is perfectly fine. Listing the wedding registries in the wedding invitation is questionable, but more brides and grooms are doing that these days.
It is NOT unusual for the bridesmaids to pitch in on the costs of the batchlorette party or the bridal shower, or assist in the planning. However, from your post, you said you are going to be a Hostess, not a bridesmaid. The organizing/paying for a shower/batchlorette party is typically something that is discussed amongst the bridesmaids and the Matron/Maid of Honor, and as a group they make a decision on how to handle it. For the MOH to decide she is going to actually charge the guests, instead of graceously accept whatever people are able/willing to contribute...that is unfair and Miss Manners would disapprove.
In my opinion, charging someone to attend the batchlorette party is the same as having a cash bar at your wedding. If you were having a party in your home, would you have someone collect a "cover charge" at the door? Would you have a vending machine for beverages so people have to pay? No. If you host the party, you pay for the party, unless you have an agreement with others to help with expenses.
2007-04-16 08:27:08 · answer #1 · answered by Kat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you are upset, but these things all come along with being a bridesmaid. It is customary for a bridesmaid to buy her own dress, shoes & hairdo & make-up; a shower gift; contribute towards the cost of the shower and a wedding gift.
As for the shower invitations, it is appropriate to include the registry info, but NEVER in a wedding invitation. I think you are confused on the wedding ettiquite.
As for the bachelorette party, guests usually pay their own way and the bridesmaids all chip in so the bride doesn't have to shell out a dime. But I guess it depends on the venue. I live in NJ and I've been to several bachelorette parties, most in NYC or Atlantic City. They've all had limo rentals and hotel stays. You can't expect 1 person to pay for all that!!! If you ask me, $25 is nothing. And I also understand her asking for a deposit, we had people not show up for dinner at my sister's bachelorette party in AC and we ended up having to cover the no-shows. It's not fair.
Good luck with your own wedding planning, I'm sure you'll be requiring the same amount from all your ladies. I wish you didn't think of it as a "fee", I have been honored to have been in all the weddings I have been in.
2007-04-16 06:00:30 · answer #2 · answered by Level Headed, I hope 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If she asked you to be a hostess, you should pay for the dress, as you could have said no about being the hostess.
Technically, if you are participating in the wedding AND have already bought a gift (for the shower), you do not have to buy another gift. The shower gift and being in the wedding party ARE your gifts.
Bringing a dish to the rehearsal dinner is absolutely crazy! I have never heard of such! The groom's parents are responsible for that event.
Also, paying a "cover charge" for the bachelorette party is wrong! Now if you want to buy the bride to be a drink or her meal, that's one thing, but a required fee to even attend is ludicrous!!
Depending on how close this friend is, I would either not attend (me personally could not afford it) or if I could and felt like I had to be there , I would just grin and pay it and have a great time.
But you are right, I wouldn't be too thrilled with all of these requirements!!! You are not supposed to have to chip in for every little event.
2007-04-16 05:26:27 · answer #3 · answered by SamCam 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Wow that is a little crazy. If they want something that lavish, they should be expected to pay for it. I could see doing two nights of something different and that is it. We usually rent a big hotel room for he night and play games, once had a stripper, but will never do that again! Make a penis cake and cookies and have plenty of alcohol. Then for an extra surprise, either a "FUN" party, theme honeymoon party by a pool. Look into doing a pole dancing class, they are cheaper, I've heard. If they still insist, get some prices together and say this is how much it would cost per person to do this. They may change their minds. One of my friends rented a party bus. It went around the city to different bars. It was good b/c no one had to worry about transportation. It was about $50 per person with 12 people. Good luck. Try to do some more research to suggest other outings for your friends. Not everyone can take off for a four day weekend. Maybe compromise and do it two nights instead.
2016-05-21 03:22:30 · answer #4 · answered by cathy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a way, no, because it would be usual for the bridesmaids to chip in to host it. You can always decline to attend - the shower is more important to attend.
And with all that's going on with a wedding, it's not a heck of a lot of money. Some people drop that amount in a couple days of coffees - c'mon. You are planning a wedding, so you know what it's like. Make up your own fees for your wedding, too, and you'll show them!
2007-04-16 05:31:05 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, anyone with the Yahoo nameCamel Tow is nasty. What a freak.
As for the party, is this woman insane? A $10 non-refundable fee? What the hell is she running here a business? The only way I have ever heard of charging for a party is if it is at a comedy club or something. Then you would charge everyone, plus cover the cost of the bride. I would try to explian this to this weird woman. If not, I guess I would pay (for my friend's) sake and then talk about sister!!
2007-04-16 14:21:29 · answer #6 · answered by GiddyGiddyGoin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's very normal for everyone attending the bachelorette party to pitch in. The bride isn't supposed to pay for any of that herself, and it's unfair to expect the maid of honor to pay for everyone. You play, you pay.
I'm sorry, but all of these expenses are completely normal. If you can't afford them, then back out of the particular event. The last thing you want to do is attend and complain about the prices. They aren't hidden costs; participate where and when you can.
However, I have no idea what a $10 nonrefundable RSVP is. That might not be normal.
2007-04-16 06:23:34 · answer #7 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Paying a fee for a bachelorrete party is not uncommon, since normally the guests have to pay for the bride's expenses, plus limo, party favours (costumized t-shirts and such) and entretaiment (are they renting a hotel room?), etc.
Since you are already hosting the bridal shower, is ok if you decline the invitation to the bachelorette party, You don't have to attend everything and it seems like the sister took over and went over the top. She is being rude and inconsiderate to the guests.
RSVP telling them that you will not attend due to conflicting schedules and leave it a that. You have already spent a lot of money on this.
Good luck
2007-04-16 05:18:04 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I think that is absolutely disgusting. I have heard of these things going over the top but being charged is ridiculous. Maybe they should charge people to go to he wedding too, and then when they have a housewarming party they should charge entry- it is wrong. You are already paying for plenty- but even if you weren't a charge to attend is wrong. I think maybe you need to talk to your friend to see what she thinks about the current ideas and maybe suggest some alternatives to the girl organising it- as hard as that might be. Some of these girls get so catty about wedding planning- everyone is supposed to be happy and celebrating!
Good luck.
2007-04-16 05:18:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, it is wrong to invite anoyone to any function, then ask them to buck up for it unless you're in college and its a beer party. I think she's going to find attendance at the party rather light, and those that do come will be complaining about the poor manners of the whole thing all night long. I feel bad for the bride, who probably doesn't know about that.
2007-04-16 05:15:30 · answer #10 · answered by melouofs 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋