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Every single time we have a holidaydinner or special meal, my sister in law never responds to phone calls when I ask her what time is best for her and how many people will attend. (She and her husband have three older kids who have girlfriends) Other than them, its only 4 of us. But the difference between having dinner for 4 and dinner for 10-13 is pretty monumental. I love having these meals, love to cook, spoil everyone, and spend time together. But this really stresses me out. I welcome everyone, but don't want to be wasteful by making huge meal and only having four people, or even worse, not having enough food or seats for everyone.
Any ideas?

2007-04-16 05:06:20 · 10 answers · asked by 2 Happily Married Americans 5 in Society & Culture Etiquette

10 answers

I think that the answerer who said that the kids are probably at an age where it is difficult to plan ahead was right.. if they are teens with part time jobs often schedules aren't known too far in advance.

However you know when the event will be.. at least the date.. so how about issuing the invitation well in advance so that those who want to come can try to arrange their shifts to accommodate it.. and then calling up a few days ahead of time to confirm the number? More than likely the sister in law can answer for her and her husband but will need to check with the kids so when you issue your invite tell her that they are all welcome but you'll need a number by 'x'.. and if on that date she says there will be 8 of them.. there ya go! If she says 'tommy would love to come but he has to work til 6' you can always adjust the time then if you choose to.

Our family has been working around conflicting shift schedules for years and there are only 4 of us.. and we have a tough time arranging dinners! I can only imagine how hard it is for sis if she's juggling 8! Sometimes someone has to miss out and that's too bad.. but you just have to do the best you can :)

2007-04-17 10:07:57 · answer #1 · answered by endorable 4 · 0 0

I hope to build on what Zvi said. I am not insensitive to your plight. Interfaith marriages are difficult. I guess the question is, how much influence do your in-laws have on your wife? If it is too much, then you and your wife need counseling. You need to have firm set of rules in YOUR house, with respect being the key rule. You should not have to deal with your mother-in-law, since she is being disrespectful to you in front of your wife (but hopefully not your child). You wife needs to make firm rules with her parents, again with respect being the key. I have counseled many interfaith couples in similar situations. I am sad to say that unless all the players are on the same page, the result is usually a dissolution of the current living arrangements. The mother-in-law should be a PASSIVE participant in making the rules - as she is not the person you married. I don't want to guess her intentions, but it sounds as if she would be happy if you were not around. Work it out with your wife. Be firm and united. Be prepared to do what is necessary for your marriage, or be prepared for the worst. I wish I had better "magic" advice, but the emes is more important. If your wife is not on board, it may be time to make a change. Good Luck and Be Blessed

2016-04-01 04:18:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Better to have too much food than not enough. You can always freeze the leftovers. Do they ever just not show up when invited? Pretty rude on her part. Maybe suggest that the responsibilities rotate or that you all go to a restaurant for a change. You shouldn't have to bear all the responsibility. Talk to your brother or your spouse if it is his brother, he is the one that needs to assume some of the planning here.

2007-04-16 05:18:27 · answer #3 · answered by kk 4 · 0 1

If they show up without responding, turn them away. "I'm sorry, I only cooked enough and have room for those who said they were coming."

So, plan the amount of food for the people who have said they are coming.

People are not motivated to change their rude behavior unless there are some consequences. You are not being rude, but truthful.

2007-04-16 05:13:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3 0

I'd stop inviting them over to my house and look for other people to spoil. Offer to meet your family at a restaurant instead.

2007-04-16 05:16:08 · answer #5 · answered by Parrot Eyes 4 · 1 0

Maybe SHE doesn't know if their kids are coming, because they are at an age where is difficult to plan ahead...
Can you talk to the kids directly?
Other than that, you can say, “Please, I need to know in advance if the kids are coming, for planning purposes...“
Don't feel bad about it, you are making the invitation, THEY should reciprocate with information.

2007-04-16 05:15:04 · answer #6 · answered by Thespiana 4 · 1 0

The first answerer nailed it. When you plan a party, YOU set the date and time THEN ask people to come. If they can't, it's their loss.

2007-04-16 05:35:08 · answer #7 · answered by startwinkle05 6 · 1 0

If this is your husband's sister have him talk to her. Tell her how inconvenient it is for him and you to not have her tell you if they are coming or not and how many people are coming with them. If she think it is rude, then she is being petty and selfish and I would not want her at my house anyway.

2007-04-16 06:44:56 · answer #8 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 0 0

next time you invite them over, tell her, I really need to know by this time. if not ill asume that you wont be attending.

2007-04-16 05:21:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

YOU set the time....they either decline or accept on the spot....that is too rude....i dont put up with that

2007-04-16 05:09:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3 0

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