my mom is getting on my nerves!!!!!?

Question

yesterday i was out, spoke to mom on my way home, made a stop & came home. i had 2 calls from mom, 1 from cousin. mom's msg ask, "did you have trouble getting home?" i call back, tell her i had no problem getting home. she said "oh because you didn't call me".

I JUST GOT IN THE HOUSE. i call back & tell her she has to quit worrying bcz it drives me nuts & its gonna drive her nuts. i think she got mad, she goes into she's a mom, she's gonna worry, women are getting raped, stuff she hears on the news, come on now. I dont want to hear that depressing stuff. bad enough i worry on my own bcz i know its crazy out there. but i dont want to have to CALL MOM everytime i come or go. i'm grown. i know she wants to know i'm ok but i'm living my life. i dont want to HAVE to CALL MOM bcz she's worried & i gotta ease her worries. she even calls me sometimes to tell me "make sure you wear a sweater" bcz its cold outside. it just gets on my NERVES.

am i wrong? how would you deal with this?

you know what too, its like an imposition to me to have to CALL MOM when i get home everytime otherwise she'll worry and will call me to check to see if i'm home ok. what happens if i decide to hang out for 2 or 3 days straight and not call anybody? what if i fall in love & get with the guy i'm in love with & zone out with him for 2 or 3 days straight? what am i going to do, STOP TO CALL MOM??? to let her know i'm ok?? so i have to turn my phones off and later have messages from her asking me where i am or WHY DIDNT I CALL HER. that's just an example but why cant she just leave me alone and stop all this WORRYING crap to the point i have to call her everytime i come home or she'll call me to see if i'm home alright. that really gets on my nerves and i dont know how to deal with it. if i express myself to her she gets an attitude and starts getting argumentative and then it gets REALLY stressful and i HATE IT SO MUCH it makes me HATE HER

Answer 1

You're right, but she does it because she cares for you. I would just be as gentle as possible while continuing to tell her no. Perhaps before too long her habit of continually checking on you will be broken.

Answer 2

You need to set a time frame for her, tell her if she doesn't hear from you in three days to call authorities, after a few months of this work your way up to a week then two weeks and so on. Take a self defense class then you can argue the fact that you have been trained and that there is nothing to worry about. You may have to tell her to limit how much she watches America's Most Wanted and Cold Case Files, American Justice, City Confidential and Court T.V.

You must be her only child? She is just concerned for your safty and you are probably all she has. If she were to get involved herself into her own life she would have less time to worry about yours. Maybe the two of you should take a defense class together or maybe she can join an exercise class with some of her friends or find herself a partner that will keep her mind occupied... She may feel very insecure and fear for her own safty is why she is carrieing on the way she is. Good luck! Don't be irritated try to be understanding and find ways to make her feel secure.

Answer 3

i think your mother has anxiety problems -- people with anxiety sometimes involve themselves in someone else's life, and can become a little bothersome and controlling. when your mom tells you what to do (like wear a sweater), it is a temporary reliever for anxiety. people with this issue don't even realize it.

plus, she isn't letting you go or grow. she's holding on.

you can try to talk with your mother, and let her know that you appreciate the fact that she cares and wants to be helpful.... let her know you are feeling quite uncomfortable with the amount of phone calls she is making to you. you can also tell her you feel she needs to focus on something else, beside you.. and perhaps spend more time with friends, and keep herself occupied. you could even tell her you are worried that she is suffering from some anxiety amd that you feel her unnecessary worrying might have some adverse effect on her health.

I don't know how this will go over, but it's worth a try. YOU know your mother and what you might like to say about your feelings, better than anyone else.

when your mom calls, just let her leave messages, instead of answering the phone. call her back when you are ready. perhaps between talking with her about this, and not answering the telephone all of the time, she will stop being so annoying?!?

this is really a tough situation.. your mom does need to find other things to do with her life, besides calling you so often...

i hope things work out and that you get some good answers here... i gave it my best shot.

Answer 4

You don't realize it but you have the answer in your question. You said it's "bad enough I worry on my own" because of the craziness out there. People in our lives are mirrors for what we're putting out. You can test this by going out in public and spend a little time smiling and saying hello to people. You'll find that people respond with smiles and hellos. Then switch to being angry and impatient and see if you don't get the same thing back.

Your mom is reflecting how you worry. If you get your own worries under control, I suspect you'll start to see a difference in your mom. If you're honest with yourself you'll probably see some other things in yourself that your mom does that drive you crazy. She's showing you things in yourself that you need to work on.

You're out of her house, on your own and living your own life. You have a right to not call her back every time she calls. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you understand that she loves and cares for you but that she has to let go. Set up a time, maybe once or twice a week when you will check in with her so she knows you're OK. If she violates that schedule by calling and leaving messages, tell her she will be penalized by not getting a call that week. It will be difficult for both of you in the beginning so give her a little time to get used to it but not too much. You may find that you want to call her more than just twice a week but hold back. Eventually you'll both fall into a more comfortable pattern and it won't be such an imposition.

My mom raised 8 kids. I'm sure she worried but she told me once that she just waits. If she doesn't hear any bad news she assumes we're all OK. Ask your mom to give you a chance to show her that you are capable of living your life as an adult. Remind her that she raised you right and that she now needs to let go so you can show her what a good job she did. I suspect you're either an only child or the only girl or the youngest or the first one to leave the nest. Wherever you fall in there, your mom's having some adjustment issues because her baby is gone. Now you have to train her to let go. As one who's been there with an annoying mom, I can tell you it takes work but it's worth it in the end

Answer 5

My suggestion to you is simple. Invite her over to your place. Have a nice dinner with her. Afterwards, sit down with her and have a little chat. Tell her you love her but these calls have got to stop. Let her know you truly appreciate the concern but she can not be calling every 5 minutes to check on your whereabouts. Then let her know that you will call her if any out of the ordinary situation may happen ( say you go out of town with your boyfriend or something ) but only then will you call her. Then as an ultimatum, if the calls don't stop, then you will be forced to change your number and not give it to her and that this is the last thing you would ever want to have to do to her becuase you do care deeply for her.
If she can't see that this is something you've given alot of thought to and she starts to argue with you, then you have no other alternative than to change your phone number.

You don't say whether or not there are siblings or a spouse with her and maybe she is just lonely. Maybe she just needs to join a club or group and maybe this will help take up some of her free time.

Answer 6

It depends on how old you are, and whether or not you have siblings. Are you an only child? Are you about 18-22 years old? Are you living at home?

If she's like my mom, she can't not worry. You have to just stand up for yourself and tell her that you need your independence, and you need to learn to make your own mistakes in life. I had to do that with my mom, and that was the last fight we had, and that was about 3 years ago. I'm 23 and live at home, but my parents have learned to let go and not call all the time because I won't learn just by them telling me, I'll learn by making my own mistakes. Tell mom that if something's wrong, you'll call her, and to assume that you're okay if you don't call. If she doesn't let you grow up, she'll lose you.

Answer 7

Poor baby, you have to call to let her know you made it home safe. It's terrible! Some kids mothers abuse them, beat them, sell them for sex and your mom, she's the worst, she expects you to call so she knows your safe! How dare she? At least you know someday you won't have to worry about calling at all because she'll be dead and gone.

That was all sarcasm... but my gosh. I can't believe you are whining about this. Be thankful your mom cares at all because it sounds like you are a bit rude and uncaring. It's a phone call. It's a small thing she would like you to do so she doesn't worry about you. She raised you and took care of you, I would think a phone call is the least you can do.

Answer 8

Obviously,you are severely disturbed by this situation. Everyone could hardly kick off the care offered by mom. Burden or care? It is not easy to tell. The counter-communication will disappear if your take it little. Therefore, the most resonable method is lowing down your response to the care, just a smile or replying "OK,I SEE".

Answer 9

please do not hate your mum for that because you know she dos it because she loves you. all you need to do is to tell your mum nicely that you are going to ____ and you're coming back at ____. after a couple of weeks she'll stop calling you every now and then. the key to talking to her about it is NICELY.

and if she still does that get someone to intervene and help you out. someone credible like your aunt or her sister.

dont worry it just take some time. be patient

Answer 10

I agree with the first guy shes kinda getting on my nerves as well maybe just talk to her for a while telling her nicely to stop ringing all the time.