Is it fair to have children if Mom doesn't stay home to raise them?

Question

I say if you are having kids, you should be able to afford them on 1 salary or dont have them.

Answer 1

thats ridiculous, how could anyone afford to live on one salary these days, with or without kids? what an ignorant thing to say, just bc a mom cant stay at home full time doesnt mean she cant be a good mom, great families come in all shapes and sizes, and you can be a great parent and work too.

Answer 2

Well, that is a hugely simplistic view of the world today. There are so many more complications to the stay at home vs. working mother. It's not all about having a nice car, nice house, vacations etc etc... I stay at home with my kids and my husband makes much more than minimum wage, but we live near a big city and cost of living is high. We live in a nice home and we only have one car, and we don't do big vacations and are lucky to take an occasional weekend trip once a year. We have no extra money and I make a lot of sacrifices. Could it be done on a minimum wage income?? No way. Could we move into a cheaper neighborhood?? Yes, and be in a horrible school district - we have one of the cheapest houses in the area - and it's much too small for us. We could move to a rural area where cost of living is cheap - but where would my husband work? And our support system of family and friends is here. Yeah, ok, sure, I could homeschool - but a. I would be horrible at it and my children would suffer and b. homeschooling is certainly not FREE - you have to purchase supplies etc in order to do it well - I've looked into it - it's a financial expense. I will go back to work eventually - I'm lucky because I'm a teacher and so my schedule will mesh with the kids. I'm so looking forward to a little extra financial income! I do agree that I want to stay home and not miss all my kids firsts. I love being home with my kids it's the best choice I ever made, but I don't think that everyone has the luxury to make that choice. Try reading The Two Income Trap; Why Today's Middle Class Parents are Going Broke. The issue isn't always a person's personal preference - there is a problem in society in general where motherhood is not valued. When I took maternity leave with my first from teaching - it caused a HUGE fuss at school because I wanted to take off my LEGAL RIGHT of 12 weeks - that was unheard of - the norm is 6 weeks. Is that pathetic?? Even a school district does not value the importance of a new baby. I took my 12 weeks - plus Christmas and Thanksgiving break and then I resigned at the end of the year. It was a good thing too, because as far as they were concerned I was the devil. I could go on and on about this topic I have a lot of opinions. I love staying home with my boys - but life is much too complex to make simplistic judgements about whether or not a mother could/should/would stay home with her children.

Answer 3

Why do you say the mother stay home to raise the children?Shouldn't the father be mentioned since he is also a parent. When does the father get to be a parent when he's tired from a long day at work? How much quality time does he need to spend with his children to be a good father. It is extremely naive of you to think that only stay at home moms are good parents. By your rational only the well to do should have children. In your world everyone must make an above average income and can afford the luxary of living on one income.Good parents bring many positive qualities into the lives of their children ( love of family,respect, a strong work ethic, teaching them there is a difference between wants and needs,setting goals and working towards them,etc).Just because a parent stays home all day does not guarantee good parenting, just as a working parent does not equal a poor parent.

Answer 4

I agree with you 100 percent. Even though this is not a popular view these days-the way I see it is: Why have kids just to have someone else raise them?
It is hard enough for children to get through life in this day and age-one parent should be there to help guide them through each and every milestone. I know that I may still be living in the 50's-but there were not as many issues with children back in that time and things were more simple. I am happy to be home with my children and give them all the time and attention they need. I also feel secure in knowing that they are SAFE with me.

Our decision to have children was planned and it was also planned for me to stay home. My husband and I worked 7 days a week before having children so that we could have the money saved up for me to be at home. I wish that all couples would plan like we did. It is still not easy but I am glad we made the choices we did. I love my boys.

Answer 5

I have to say I agree with you when you say you should be able to afford a child on one salary, but as far as the mother having to stay home - there are children in the world that are raised by their father so the mother doesn't necessarly have to be in the picture. I have two children and I worked all the time to provide for them so they were around my sister more than me because she babysat them. But I did felt left out. My kids still loved me and they knew who their mother was but I just missed playing with them and taking them to the park and things like that. I was a single mother. You just have to do what you have to do. No one helped me. My kids did very well because of me, even though I was working all the time. It is what you teach your kids that matters, not who it is.

But as far as the mother not being there at all, I think it is ok. Some children are very unfortunite and lose their mother in a car accident or something. Some kids have a mom in the service who has to serve in Iraq for a year sometimes. Some children are better of without their mom because they are drug addicts or they just aren't the best thing for them.

To me it really isn't about which one - mother or father - it is mostly about how they are raised. A girl can be rasied by the father and grow up very well - and a boy can be rasied by the mother and grow up well. But it all depends on how he/she is rasied to veiw the world. I have two boys and I raise them on my own. Good luck :)

Answer 6

It isn't about the quantity of time spent with a child it is the quality. I have a 3 1/2 year old son and have been a stay at home mom for 3 years of that. Just because I am at home with my son all day doesn't mean that it is all quality time. I think I had more quality time with him in the couple of hours we had when I was working then I do now being at home all day because there are other responsibilities around the house.

Nowadays, most parents require two incomes anyway just to get by. Don't be so stuck up.

Answer 7

Yes it is fair, I do stay at home with my two kids but I have many friends who can't afford to stay home with their kids. Lots of people think that by my not working, I am taking away many things that my children could have if we had more money. I stayed home with my first son because I couldn't handle watching him SCREAM as I drove away from my sister in laws house. My husband and I decided that if I was going to stay home that I needed to do something more that just stay home so I enrolled back into college full time online. This way by the time my children (both of them) are in school, I will have a college degree and be able to go back to work and make more money than I would have with out a degree.
Whether or not a mother decides to stay home or not, is not always an easy choice, it isn't that she doesn't care about her children, it is that she really wants to stay home but she just can't afford to do so. I was lucky in that my husband worked harder so that I could stay home and was very much supportive of my wanting to stay home. We just can't look down on mom's that can't afford to do so. Also, back in the early 1900-1970's many women fought tooth and nail so that we as women would be able to have both a career and a family!!! I personally thank God for those women, by saying "you should be able to afford children on one salary or not have them at all", you are overshadowing all that these women fought for, for all future women including me and you. Everyone is entiled to have children, have a family whether they are rich or poor.

Answer 8

First of all not all children are planned so it's hard to be prepared for them. Generally single mothers or in some cases single fathers have to work to support their children. Not everyone is set financially and has the luxury of staying home. A lot of children are born out of wedlock so you do not have 2 salaries coming in to help support the child. Say you have a child and your husband or wife dies. Than you have to get a job to support your child, that does not mean you shouldn't of had your child. Not everything happens under ideal circumstances. I think you need to look at both sides of the issue. Most mothers would love to stay home with their children but just can not afford to do so. My mother had to work to support my brother and I. That didn't mean she didn't love us less. We didn't turn out as horrible adults. And it definitely doesn't mean we shouldn't have been born. I think that your view on this is horrible

Answer 9

I don't think you should only have children if you can stay home with them. But I don't think that only the uppercrust of society can afford to live on one income. My husband is a middle school teacher. I am a stay at home mom. Sure we don't eat out often, go on long vacations or have tons of extras. but we have decent food, a modest house and two cars. I babysit for extra money and we make do.
For some people living on two incomes is the only option and for others they choose to live on two incomes. What you do is your choice, but honestly to think that no one can live on one income today is just assinine. It can be done.
Please don't tell me children NEED daycare. Socialization can be done very efficiently with moms at home as well. There are playgroups and the park where other children are. I stay at home and I certainly do not live in a bubble. And children do not learn faster just because they are in daycare. A parent can teach them at home just as well as a daycare provider can, in some cases a parent can do better becuase there are less children around.

Answer 10

I have been on both sides of this fence, and although I thoroughly enjoyed staying home with my daughter, I had to go back to work when she was 4 years old due to the unexpected change to single motherhood. I have worked at least 40 hours a week to support us, sometimes as much as 80 hours a week, I do not get child support, don't even look to get it. Her father is at least 75,000 behind in support. I have since remarried (04/07/07), and will continue to work 40 hours a week because with out my income and employer provided medical insurance, my family would have to go on public assistance and we would have to just pray that none of our children (we have 3 at home) get sick. Our children are 16, 15, and 10. All of them are on the honor roll. They are very healthy, happy children. Our 16 year old just started her first job, and is now part of the working world. Hopefully her father and I are showing a good example of taking care of responsibilities, and raising our children to be productive members of society.

Answer 11

Is that what your parents did? Our what you grandparents did? the further back you go the less like this was.

Parenting is a skill not something that has an attendance record. You could have a serial killer that had a parent at home for him or a research doctor that did not. Its all down to the effort that you put into parenting and teaching your children. Is not down to just a financial statement of being able to afford them.