Is it really my fault?

Question

Hey all, my first relationship just ended and I'm trying to move on. In the meantime, I want to find out what exactly went wrong so that I will not repeat the same mistakes in the next relationship in the future.

Hmm...my ex used to blame me for everything after the relationship ended. He said its my fault for making him so angry and thus he did all those horrible things to me (pushing me, insulting me, leaving me alone in public, not celebrating my birthday with me and not being there for me when a close family member died). He said that he never had such problems with his first ex.

I know its not entirely my fault but could it really be partly my fault that i made him react in such a way to me? Are his actions justified? What do you people out there think? Any advice?

Answer 1

It sounds as though your ex has some deep seeded issues that he needed to work on but just didn’t or didn’t know how. Unfortunately without him telling you what’s really going on with him you won’t know. When a relationship comes to an end usually both people are at fault to an extent. Neither worked hard enough to correct the underlying problem which caused the relationship to break down and end. However him treating you the way that he has is no excuse and him placing all the blame on you is incorrect. He’s not wanting to face the fact that he’s got yet another failed relationship. I’m sure if you could speak to his first ex she dealt with the same thing from him. He sounds as though he may have low self esteem and in order to make himself feel better he puts down others. I suggest that in your next relationship you communicate more with the person. Learn the person’s likes and dislikes before leaping into a serious relationship. Go on a double date or have this person around family and friends before allowing things to become serious, they may be able to see things in this person that you don’t. I wish you the best in your future relationships. Keep your head up, it doesn’t sound like your last relationship was meant for you and that’s not your fault.

Answer 2

It wasn't your fault. He was abusive. As in all abusive relationships, the abuser tries to justify his actions. He had no reason for treating you the way he did. I was in a relationship exactly like yours. It's hard to move on, I know. It's been three years since mine ended, and I still have insecurities because of it. The best advice I can give you is to just be yourself. You'll find a great guy who will treat you right. You deserve it! But please remember that his behavior wasn't normal. Don't let yourself get in a situation like that again. The biggest mistake women make is to think that it was their behavior, and to expect the next man to treat them the same way. IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT! You can do better!! I'm so sorry you had to experience that, but it'll get better. Good luck!

Answer 3

Hearing stories like this really makes my blood boil. Guys don't realize what kind of effect they have on women, especially in a first relationship. A weak woman will most likely continue to be in emotionally and physical abusive relationships. They are stripped of their independence, pride, self-respect, diginity and self-esteem.
You sound like a strong person. What you need to realize is YOU did NOTHING wrong. This guy you were with is manipulative and has very low self-esteem. In order to make himself feel better, he has to bring you down.
If you were to learn anything from this relationship that you can use in the future I hope it's not to ever let a man talk down to use or put his hands on you. The first time you let a man get away with that he will continue to do it during your entire relationship. He will lose all respect for you.

Answer 4

In essence, he's precise. How else ought to you clarify it? Bush's approval score has been hovering round historic lows (equivalent to Nixon's Watergate numbers). different presidents, which incorporates Carter and Bush 40-one, in all likelihood had extra acceptable approval rankings, yet were one termers. Bush has a mess in Iraq, became surpluses into deficits, etc.. Carter lost to Reagan, who provided a a lot diverse route and private air of secrecy than Carter. Clinton did an identical project to Bush 40-one. If Bush received, then common sense dictates one among 2 issues: (a) human beings had to vote for Bush, or (b) human beings didn't want to vote for Gore/Kerry. In Gore's case, i do not imagine it replaced into all of his fault. i imagine human beings were "Clintoned" out by technique of then, and he replaced into in basic terms appeared upon as extra of an identical. In Kerry's case, i'm no longer positive how he couldn't win an election, yet he for sure couldn't convince sufficient persons that he replaced into the added acceptable determination. i imagine the in elementary words project you are able to say on your neighbor is, "desire you in elementary words like the warfare and those record deficits, because you may have 'em for 2 extra years. If this keeps up, i ought to hate to be a Republican in 2008."

Answer 5

I think is his fault for what i read, the only thing that makes you guilty is the fact that you stayed with him with an attitude like this you should have let him go long before you found your self asking Is this my fault? this man is abusive can you see that? abusive and inconsiderate, your lucky is over. Don't make the mistake of going back to him or then you will for sure be GUILTY AS CHARGE.. ABUSE IS NEVER OK. Good luck.

Answer 6

Only you two really know the answers because you were the only one's involved. Be true to yourself, be honest with yourself and move on. Raking over the past doesn't help anyone. Move forward with a happy heart that you are a wonderful and valuable person.

Answer 7

well think about it like this even if you did make him angery then hes a real butt head if he didnt suport you in some of the things you metioned and he just wasnt worth it

Answer 8

He was a jerk. You are well rid of him. Expect more not less from your next relationship!

Answer 9

He's a ******' nut and you should not waste any time thinking about him or what went wrong.

Answer 10

dont worry why he did what he did and move on
here's your "closure" he was a jerk, and he wasnt right for you... you deserve more and better