Should I support my dad?

Question

Here's the deal, my dad stopped talking to me just before Christmas due to his girlfriend and her two kids. I'm due to get married in August and he wouldn't return any of my calls, texts or emails - as we've just moved into our first house that needs tonnes of work, I haven't been able to make the two hour trip to confront him in person about what his/her problem is. My brother has just told me that they've split up, do I become the bigger person here and say "hi, hope you are ok?" or just leave him to come to me?

Ps, he has done this before with previus girlfriends, unlike my mum who has remarried and has never let me down

He's known about the wedding since last July. I have tried for three years to get on with this woman, we've been out together loads of times and I thought we were fine, but its turned out she's a back stabbing cow. The thing that did it was that I wanted to visit my grandads grave (my dad's father - who she never met, he passed on before her time), with just my dad, and he lost the plot with for not including her and hasn't spoken since - I never did get to go the my grandads grave

Answer 1

if i was u leave him to come to u cos u tried ringing him and sending e-mails so really u took up most of u time to contact him but now he has no 1 (soz to sound bad) but he'll come back runnin and then when he gets another gf he'll just to the same thing blank u out soz to sound bad but i hope this is ok for u if not sorry?

Answer 2

According to the info:

1. Your feeling is that it is the fault of his g/f and children he doesn't speak to you.

2. This is his/her problem.

3. You have obtained info that has lead you to believe they split up.

Time does not heal......it stands still like fog that eventually breaks up and disappears like what is happening to the family. Also when dealing he/said she/said and assumption chaos will always rule the entire situation. Consider Satan has definately been hired and does the job well.

Consider also that dad has a right to be loved....the children are probably without obligation in this and this woman may not be a bad person either. If you have animosity towards her it does not mean she is causing the rift in the daughter/dad relationship it could mean she is or isn't. You didn't say if mom and dad divorced or mom passed but either way dad is not required to live without being loved by another woman if his past has been repented and he's seeking change. We all need to be loved as you prove yourself in the info given....congratulations on your up and coming marriage. It's better to handle things face-to-face communicating with the use of both listening skills and honesty. You'll have to do this keeping in mind that dad may think you are only contacting him now because a wedding is taking place which requires a dad's involvement if it's a traditional wedding....this might come up. See how much time can cause damage? I think time heals pain is meant for death when there no other choice but to accept that death is final. Since you are both responsible for the father/daughter relationship now and after the wedding - you both have to work at it and give some repect for each others need to be loved. Try going to God and pray to Him for strength and guidance...

Answer 3

Your obviously not a teenybopper, so I'll be blunt.

Your Dad has got a few issues, but nothing that cant be fixed.

He could have a prob with gf's! If she had him "under the thumb" so to speak it could have been real hard for him deciding to not talk to you again.

I know there is no excuse for it but he probably wondered, if he took your side over hers, if she would leave him, which would have probably left him alone and miserable. There are heaps of factors he could have thought about, like he is getting older and wants to be happy, he may not want to find another girl, just keep the one he's got. He figured as you were getting hitched and were happy then perhaps you didnt need him as much as the gf and kids?

Still doesnt make it right though.

he obviously has trouble expressing himself and is weak at the disposal of the opposite sex! Many men are like that, and all men are like that at some stage!

He probably regrets it...

I cant imagine having a dad who would do that, but Id say there are many many worse things that you could be facing.

Try and work it out, just dont pin all ur hopes on him just incase. Let him know your ready to discuss and work through this, and remind him ur getting married, HIS little girl is getting married and youd like a relationship.

If it doesnt work, know that you tried and remind him youll always be his daughter.

I hope it works out!

Goodluck :)

Answer 4

Be the bigger person, ring him and ask how he is.

I don't have a relationship with my Dad anymore because of my Stepmother, he also has 2 kids with her. She caused me no end of problems and it even resulted in my Dad not coming to my wedding (my Mum is dead so I had neither parent there). I live abroad and went back to the UK to visit at Xmas, he had to sneak out to see me for an hour (I hadn't seen him for 4 years)

If they ever split up i would be there for him like a shot, regardless of what has gone on before. My Dad is so scared of losing his wife and kids that he'll just do as she says.

Make sure he comes to your wedding, life's just too short for regrets.

Good luck and have a great wedding!!!

Answer 5

Hi, This is just an opinion but I think it's always best to be the bigger person... I he does not want to talk to you when you call him, there is no loss, only knowing that you tried. If he cannot bring himself to talk to you, maybe he is going through something larger than what he had initially let out. You never know, he could be wanting to contact you and hesitant to do so because he may be wary of how you will respond. In my opinion, the best thing to do, is not to intrude (as he might want to face his problems alone at this point in time) but to contact him, and let him know that you're there, and that you're willing to talk to him, if he so wishes. Support is probably what he needs right now. And a good/mending relationship is always better than no relationship at all.

Answer 6

At the end of the day, he is your father but the fact that he has let you down in the past is an issue. If you do get in touch with him, maybe try and let him know how hurtful it is when he does this and that you don't like it when his 'new family' replaces you time and time again. The fact that you are thinking about it means you want to get in touch surely? Just make sure he knows that he needs to stop pushing you away whenever he finds someone.

Answer 7

I was estranged from my father for over two years for some personal reasons. We ended up spending time together after that and two years later he passed away.

It reminds me a lot of the song by Mike & The Mechanics, "In the Living Years."

You should go see him and forgive each other. Your wedding is a special moment in your life and he should be there for it.

Answer 8

This is a hard one as he will always be ur dad, but personally i would probably wait for him to approach u, as there can be less heartache for you... u could always send him a text message saying 'hi i hope ur ok, i know we have had our differences but ur my dad and although there will be problems i am here if u really need me?' this makes it clear that although there may have been probs between u2, that you are still kinda angry @ him for leaving u be. On the other hand is this approach worth it when u should be focusing on ur happiness and ur wedding? Its only for u 2 decide... hope it helped a bit...

Answer 9

My first thought is to go and get a "real" card "Thinking Of You", "Miss You", something to that affect. Then give it a week and make the phone call. What we need to start doing is getting back to personal contact rather than emails and text messages as they are so in-personal.

Answer 10

He may think that u are only contacting him because u know that she has split with him.
I would make out i didnt know about the split.(tell your brother to make out he aint told u) Phone him and say look dad i would love you ALL to come to my wedding........He will probably say that they are no longer together,You will just chat from there on.
But if he dont answer then send an invitation to him and her with kids. Put a note in saying to forget about the past and that you really want them at your wedding.

GOOD LUCK!!!