I was dumped by my ex 3 months ago (from a 3 year relationship), and the break up was pretty sudden, with no warning. Out of the blue he just said that he wasn't happy, doesn't know why but doesn't feel the same way about me and had no contact ever since. I was completely heart broken because I loved him so much, but now I have come to accept it because since I loved him so much, the last thing I want is for him to be unhappy so I basicly let him go and started to focus on my life. Then all of a sudden he starts contacting me, asking if he could be friends, to hang around, but I refused to as I still love him and will make me backslide with all the progress I had, told him that i don't need him in my life, and dont want anything to do with him, but he still keeps on contacting me. Im confused, he wanted out of the relationship because of his "unhappiness" and I respected that, I let him go, why is he bothering me now, is it to feed his ego, or to play with my mind?
2007-04-15 23:18:25 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Im not sure if this could be false hope or not, but he says theres more to the story of the break up that could change my perspective of us
2007-04-15 23:25:04 · update #1
Whether or not we like to admit it, most of us have these unconscious expectations of the world and expect the world to revolve around us.
I see it on this site all the time. "Why did she do that?", "Why won't he commit?", "Why are girls like this?" yadda yadda yadda. Behind it all, I see a little boy or girl whining "Why can't I have things my way?"
Your ex seems to be a perfect example of this. When he wasn't "happy", he assumed the best thing would be to do his own thing. Alright, fair enough, and you accepted that (kudos to you for that, that's maturity). You've allowed him to do his thing, and now you're doing what you feel is best for you. More power to you. But then he comes back into your life and starts making demands. What for? For you? Ohhhh no, because that's what HE wants. Essentially, he still hasn't figured out that you're not allowed to get everything you want in this life. He's self-centered and childish, so yes, basically it's to feed his ego. Be glad you got rid of that sucker.
Happiness to ya.
2007-04-15 23:34:06 · answer #1 · answered by JudasHero 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought women were supposed to be the good ones at handling emotional issues. All the answers so far seem heavily biased.
First: what brought you together in the first place - was it not attraction and friendship?
Second: what made the relationship special? - Love is just a higher friendship.
Friendship is far more valuable than you seem to think. People get very few real friends in life.
Your devastated at loosing him but then say you don't want him around!
I must point out that people who take sides in emotional matters usually cause far more grief than anything else. This concerns just the two of you so for goodness sake think about what people trying to give a balanced perspective say!
For goodness sake sit down and talk it through with him. Whether you become friend again, get back together, or part for good - you will at least have an understanding of the relationship and what the break up was about and that can only be healthy for you.
Good luck.
2007-04-15 23:36:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well that is neither of what you think. You were in a relationship for 3 years and you have to realize that he was there to. He was in love and now that he is not there with you then he has something in his soul that is missing. You. He still has the love for you just as much as you have for him. You have a attraction for one another and that is why he coming back around. If you don't want to be hurt then you may want to change numbers or get his number blocked. This will have him occupied on something. He is used to having you around and when you are not then he feels lost. HE is still in love with you. And the friend thing, that is just a mask for his real feelings. If you start hanging out with him it can go two ways. Ya'll will be friends and that is all or he will be your friend and hen one night that you feel a connection then right back where you were on the breaking up stage. Heart broken.
2007-04-15 23:26:26 · answer #3 · answered by fxysxysrkly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has probably found out that the grass isn't greener on the other side. Too late, however, you have moved on. Tell him that he had his chance. You were very happy then, but you have moved on and so should he.
Three years was enough time for him to make up his mind. He was obviously not as committed to the relationship as you were. Now because his little tryst did not work out, he wants you back. He will do it to you again when he thinks that he has found someone better. Don't put yourself through that torture again. Let him go.
2007-04-15 23:27:37 · answer #4 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good for you that you were strong enough to take care of you and focus on your own life.
stand your ground.
you said in the beginning of your note that he dumped you unexpectedly....
he got what he wanted....
do not go back to him.!!!
do not backslide!!
he's the type of man..who..if taken back into a relationship..
will figure he can come and go in and out of your life when he chooses....
do not let this happen!
move on..tell him very cooly.."it's over, i've moved on, so should you...do not contact he anymore."
find someone much better!
2007-04-16 01:52:19 · answer #5 · answered by manhattanmaryanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as you backsliding, that is what he wants. He isn't looking to just be friends, they guy wants you back. It could just be that something else was making him unhappy and he needed time to clear his head and figure it out.
I suggest meeting up with him and discussing it at length with him. If he doesnt answer to your satisfaction its no skin off your back to walk away and continue ignoring him right?
2007-04-15 23:25:04 · answer #6 · answered by Bubblz7184 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is how it is
He dumped you to go out with someone else and it hasn't worked out and now he is trying to worm his way back in
Its up to you but I wouldn't want to be second best and another thing he`ll do it again
2007-04-15 23:33:35 · answer #7 · answered by D D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is playing mind games with you. You have to tell him straight to leave you alone and might be worth getting your phone number changed.
2007-04-15 23:22:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask him what exactly it is that he's wanting he might be missing you now that he's not with you and want you back if i'm right it's your desicion what you do then but bear in mind he left you once and may do it again
be happy
2007-04-15 23:25:58 · answer #9 · answered by bubblesno11979 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DOLL its my opinion, and an age old saying....if you love it let it go..and if its yours itll come back again....BUT....the taking back part is up to you..wish ya the best
2007-04-15 23:25:49 · answer #10 · answered by Dale D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋