Please someone help me.?

Question

Hiya

Im trying to finish with my boyfriend, we argue all the time over silly things and its got me down so much i need to end it. He dictates what i wear and if i do wear something that is slightly revealing he will question me on why im wearing it ect.... - why
is he like that?

Even if i wear a nice top to work he will say "why are you dressed up for work" when im only wearing a nice top and black trousers as i work in an office!

Also had a family holiday to Oz planned for over 12 months, and he said i cant go and we have only been together 10 months.

Thing is i cant seem to end it with him. I do love him but i know ive gotta do whats right even though illl get hurt!

Why do i feel guilty?

Thanks x

Answer 1

Your guy is trying to strip you of your Independence which really is not fair. You need to have a chat with him and explain that you love him dearly but that you also have a right to chose what you wear etc he fell in love with you for you for the way you dressed, you thoughts etc so why would he feel the need to try and change them now.

As for the holiday what right does he have to say that you are not allowed to to, this is your family you have made the arrangements a long time ago, maybe you should say he can think things through whilst you are out there but just make sure you do go away with your family.

Make sure you have the chat let him know you love him but that the ball is in his court as you can't carry on like this you don't want to change you are who you are

Good luck and enjoy Oz
x

Answer 2

You need to finish with him, he is trying to control you too much.

You should be your own woman, it a relationship he has a right to comment on what you are wearing but not to dictate what it should be.

You sound like an intelligent woman and deserve better, so bite the bullet and take the pain now rather than drag it out. If he is like this after only 10 months how much worse will it be in 2 years, will he question your every move?

Yes you will be hurt but you can start to fix that and get your mind on other things in Oz.

Good luck and I hope that you do what is right and that it works out for you x

Answer 3

If you think that you feel guilty now, just wait until you have children. He is a control person. He is trying to control you now, and if you have children, he will do the same thing to them. Do not allow this relationship to continue. People like this end up becoming violent with their wives and their children. Leave this nut case and find you a nice guy that will not be so jealous. A real man would not treat you that way.

Get strong. Life in this world is tough. Only the strong survive.

Answer 4

you cant end it coz hes manipulative and controlling - and he WILL ruin your life if you stay with him- the longer you put up with this behaviour - the sooner you will become a puppet to him - you will find you will do whatever he says to avoid confrontation.
Having been in a relationship like this myself - I feel I must warn you to get out NOW!!! you wont know the sense of relief and freedom once you break away from this man. Im sure you love him - but you also have formed an almost emotional reliance on him due to him manipulating you - he is dangerous and you will eventually be left with no life of your own if you put up with him.
you HAVE to end things- of course you'll be upset for a while but when you meet a proper man that treats you with respect and consideration you will be SO glad you did in fact leave this guy!
Good luck hun

Answer 5

If I were you I'd dump him.....My ex was exactly the same but I loved him so much....in the end I fell pregnant! Then 9 weeks into the pregnancy...I caught him cheating and kicked him out. I sufered severe depression especially as I was going through the split up on my own (I kept myself to myself) and refused to go out, except to work. I had a wonderful son...and my ex still gives me lots of grief.....why are you taking my son out in the cold? and saying things like I'm a C*@p mother.

If your boyfriend is like this now, i suggest you get out of the situation....or you could end up in mine

Good luck and do what is right for you!

Answer 6

You need to get out of there now. The guy clearly has no respect for you, and that is wrong. Trust me I have been in a relationship like this, it really screws you up if you let it. Often we dont realise at the time how wrong things are, it is not till we are out of there that you wonder what the f*ck! Anyway take my advice and get out of there, things will only get worse, and seriously they will. He has no right to tell you what you can and can not do what you can wear who you can speak to. You are a person with in your own right, you are entitled to do and act how you like make your own descions. As for guilt dont stress, is this guy feeling bad for way he is treating you? If he really loved you he would respect you and want you to be happy, clearly he does not. Just tell him straight that its over and that you want no more contact. No mater how hard, you need to get out. It took me nealy 5 years to sort myself and my life out after I got out!
Good luck, and I hope you find someone else that will respect and treat you how you deserve.

Answer 7

you shouldnt have tio feel like you cant wear what u want. my boy used to be like that, but then i kinda told him that if he doesnt release his grip on me then he wont have me anymore. you need to be able to live your life and what would he say if u went out one night in a little skirt? maybe u shud try it and if he asks why u have dressed up, you should say that u are doing it for you and because its what ur comfy in?

as of the work clothes thing, its work!! he shouldnt be funny about that hun! its work! does he not work in an office? thing is girls always wear nicve things when they wear black trousers. maybe u shud start asking him why he is so dressed up for certain things, or maybe say to him that you want to wear them because it makes you feel goo dabout urself when he drags u down? maybe he will realise that he is in the wrong.

if all fails,

tell him straight. stop hassling me and i will wear what i friggin well want!! hehe. hope u find it in urself no matter how much u love him, because u dont want to end up with a bald spot on ur head shaped like his thumb do you?

good luck hun. x

Answer 8

He's not treating you with respect. Insist that he sees a relationship counsellor with you. If he won't agree to that then tell him you're splitting up with him temporarily until you can both sort the relationship out. Saying it's temporary might be the way to make it easier. Also, get the rules, there's lots of sense there even for when you're in a relationship

Answer 9

There's obviously trust issues there. I wouldnt worry about finishing with him. Pluck up a bit of courage and take pleasure in telling him where to get off. Failing that you could always dump him by txt!! Remember though, love is that floaty feeling inside, Not a turn in your tummy

Answer 10

you have to think of all the healthy reasons to leave him and consider how unhealthy your reasons for staying

once this becomes painfully obvious it will be a little easier

but not much
it will always seem hard
you have to stand up for yourself, show yourself that you care for yourself enough to get out of it.

from what you described, there's NO reason why you want to stay other than some sort of codependent attachment, right?

that would be your answer, anyhow -- you feel guilty because you're suffering from a bout of codependency.

check it out, investigate.
dangerous