my husband doesn't care that we are exposing our unborn child to harmful substances?

Question

we live with his mom at the moment, and she is always doing something that could be harmful to our unborn baby. she's spraying raid all over the house, using insecticides outside and in the garage, that i can clearly smell inside the house (due to windows and doors bieng opened) and if i close them, someone just opens them again. she's hired guys to gut the attic for a heater (we live in california...how cold can it get?) so all kinds of things were floating around in the house for days. I ask him to say something to her but he never does. and i know if he does she wont care because she tells me they used to smoke around the kids when they were just babies and she doesnt believe that is harmful...what should i do? and do you think my husband should start caring more about harmful things going on?

i feel extreamly unconfortable with the situation...

also i never eat the food in thier house because litterally its always expired...just today my husband ate a sandwhich with moldy bread...and the mom is always trying to get me to eat her food....

we live there because she's convinced my husband to move back in with her...i desperatly want to move out but i'm bed bound for most of my pregnancy and i simply have no way of paying for an apartment by myself. it makes me mad because i think we can get another apartment easily somewhere cheaper. but he likes not paying rent and everything that comes with having an apartment. i'm stuck here...i just wish people could be more understanding.

DYLAN

my husband is in school getting a degree, so in three years we will be able to afford anything we want. i know its her house but she needs to chill with the chemicals if she truely cares about her grandkid. she doesnt have roaches in her house, she's just a bored house wife with nothing to do.

i cant afford to live on my own because i'm BED BOUND. do you know what that means?

by the way i can afford my baby. i work as a manager for a retail store, i make a good amount of money. Im bed bound with this pregnancy so i cant work right now. so buddy i cant afford this child.

excuse me *can* afford this child

my husband is going to be in law enforcement. there are plenty of opportunitys in that area. and again we can afford the baby. i just had problems in my pregnancy and i cant work right now. the whole being bed bound due to health issues in the pregnancy wasnt planned. your not suger coating anything i know but your kind of bieng biased like you know everything going on in my family and you don't so you have nothing to base your thoughts off of but things you "think" are going on.

Answer 1

At first I thought you were going to say your baby was being exposed to germs and you were a germaphobe, but what your baby is being exposed to is much worse. It IS a big deal that your being exposed to insecticides. That's the kind of stuff that causes miscarriage, deformity, and other health issues. Tell him to read about Bhopal, India; watch the movie Erin Brockovitch, etc. If he takes it lightly, remind him that it's a real threat, not just hype.

Answer 2

It sounds like you and your husband are having some serious communication issues: This is already a bad sign. You are probably in one of your more vulnerable points in life, and he should be more* understanding to your worries and concerns, especially since the child is a product of both you and him being together.

To top that off it sounds like you're in a very unsanitary position and that will only cause more problems and stress for you during your pregnancy and in the longrun.

Have you tried talking with the mother personally and expressing your concerns?

I hate to say this, but since you don't have any financial standings right now there isn't much you can do in the way of arguing what she does in her own home. It would be a bit different if you were contributing financially, but you mentioned that this isn't the current scenario.

You need to really sit down and talk with your husband on this one. He may be feeling caught in the middle on what to do and doesn't want to cause arguments between his mother and you. However, if he's blatently ignoring your requests and not listening to what you have to say, perhaps it's time to stay elsewhere.

Do you have any friends or family relatives that would be willing to put you up for the next few mos. until you start working again?

Let them know the situation, and possibly offer to do chores/errands/cleaning in exchange for a place to stay.

It's a bad situation all around and I'm sorry that you're stuck in it.

Answer 3

I would still wait to do anything. You are pregnant now you said. You never know what could potentially happen during the pregnancy. I'd wait at least until after they are born to make a final decision. Even then, you may want to wait a while, as you may still change your mind within a couple years down the line. You didn't mention how old you, so I don't know where you are in your life as far as having kids. You also have the option to donating them for stem-cell research. Although it isn't helping a couple in particular, it would be helping all couples in this situation indirectly down the line.

Answer 4

He should care more about the babies health and a lot of the stuff is harmful to a baby. California is warm at this time the the heater being fixed is important but could wait a month or two. If there is somewhere else you could stay that would be the best. But if not maybe you should try talking to her yourself. Maybe she just don't realize that is harming the baby. Good Luck!

Answer 5

I'm really sorry for your situation. How the hell you got in this mess in the first place. I think he should be a little more considerate. Or is he at all? I think you should leave the house until the baby is born. On second thought, with the frame of mind your mother-in-law has, I think you should leave the home permanently, because after the child is born, you might be tempted to leave him/her with the grandmother and when you get home, you find a cigar in the child's mouth. p.s. Think about the child & not you or your husband!!

Answer 6

First of all, I think you should find another place to stay where you feel safe.
These people are not going to change for you. This is a early clue to your future with your husband. If he truly does not care about this, prepare yourself for more of the same. Possibly if he sees that you are SERIOUS about these kinds of things, that will speak to him. He would know you were serious if you removed yourself and your baby from this harmful situation. However, I very my doubt that will change your husband in the long run.

Answer 7

because it is his mother's house, it is going to be a lot harder for you to have any so so in this matter. I would look up information on chemical sensitivities and children- IF they ill read it. Otherwise , I would be looking for a new place to live. I know from personal experience- the things you are describing are very unhealthy for any adult much less a child and can contribute to future allergy and sensitivity problems- including asthma, respiritory issues and even possibly digestive issues, not to mention ADD and other brain function issues.

Answer 8

i understand where your comeing from i lived with my inlaws while i was pregnant too the best thing to do it tell her straight up say these things arent good for the baby tell her to read the lable its there for a reason or if your verry nervious about talking to her look up some thing online about harmful sides efects of raid and such then tell her omg come look at this isnt it aweful you maay even try that with your hubby to show him and i definately thing when its right for you move on to your own place its so hard liveing with m-i-l one night after my twins were born i woke up and she was playing with the babies in my room!!! im going hello i sleep naked any ways i hope this helps you oh if you dont find any thing specific on the certain things shes done when you show her what youve found tell her how scarey it is to think that a child could be born and not survive becuase of thinks like bug killers

Answer 9

one thing Ive noticed with guys and their moms they aren't going to tell her what to do and it is her house who are you to tell her what to do in her own house and older people did do all kinds of stupid **** that could have potentially harmed their children but at the time they didn't know any better and being that their children all grew up into functioning adults they assume that there is nothing wrong with it
if you are that uncomfortable with the situation move out of her house.
and just to side with Dylan you can't afford this child right now. you seem to be forgetting that you will have this child and all of its bills for 3 years before he even graduates and then he isn't guaranteed a job after that so you should quit being so snippy with people who are just trying to be honest with you.

Answer 10

I don't understand why you live with his mother. You definitely need your own place. This is what happens when you need to live with other people. Anything like that isn't good for you or the baby. Sorry to say you are married to a mama's boy.