what would you do if your daughters dad has been out of her life for 4 and a half years. then decides he wants to come back into it. He wasnt there before. She is 7 years old. i have been married for a year and together with my husband for 2 years. She thinks of him as her dad. I dont want to keep her from her birth dad, but he hasnt been there. He has been in trouble with the law in the past, and he was emotionally abusive to her and I. He has told me alot. I have trouble beliveing anything he says. I dont want my daughter hurt and i dont want any bs. Our life is good right now. I dont want anything messing it up but at the same time i dont want her to grow up and hate me for not letting him see her. what would you do?
2007-04-15 18:16:28 · 10 answers · asked by COUNTRY GIRL 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
At the age of 7 and having a stable and loving man in her life for this long she is liable to see him for what he is. I wouldn't deny him of seeing her, but I would monitor it. Have you talked to her about this yet. She may not even want to see him, if that isn't the case then you need to give them a chance. People change!
If they do start spending time together then I would monitor it. Maybe start with meeting in a park for a few hours that way they can talk and play but you would be there to intervine if necessary. Then if for a couple of months that goes good then maybe he could take her for the day and if for a few months there isn't any problems then maybe it can turn into weekends. I think the key is going to be just to take it slow. And make sure that he know in advance what the plan is and if he starts being a no show then that is it.
But if you completely deny the relationship it will probably come back to haunt you later on. One day she will seek him out and then he gets to say "I wanted to see you but your mom wouldn't let me." Then she will be mad at you and you don't want that kind of strain on your relationship.
Good Luck to you - it is a hard situation!
2007-04-15 18:28:16 · answer #1 · answered by Carrie T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him how you feel. tell him you don't want to keep his daughter from him but you are worried...
ask him to go and speak to someone just to make sure things are better or going to get better. because i'd rather my kid hate me from keeping them away from there father than have him hurt them.
u need to tell him how you feel about everything. ask him why he didn't contact his daughter and y all of the sudden has he come back now n want something to do with her?
find out if he is still in trouble by the law...and get custurdy papers done up so that way he can't take your daughter away from you...it's better to be safe then sorry.
-give him days where he can see her and ring her and tell him he just can't rock up unannounced. you have a family now n things aren't going to change just because he's there...
-good luck let me know how it turns out for you all....
2007-04-15 19:53:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im dealing with a undertaking now with a dull beat dad. i'm 5 weeks pregnant and he doesnt desire to take heed to something relating to the toddler he deosnt want me to even have it. So a dull beat dad is somebody who isnt taking care of their duty. they are not men and at last will locate out that their lacking out on something particular. If that youngster doesnt see the dad a minimum of two times a week thats a dull beat dad to me. If hee doesnt permit his self be common to the youngster and tutor the youngster love and enable them to comprehend that they are going to continuously be there for them and don't take care of the mum incorrect in the approach then hes a powerful dad. Take heed.
2016-12-29 15:24:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let him in, but keep a close eye on him; how he treats your daughter, what he says to her and where he takes her (if he's even allowed to take her at all.) If he's serious about pursuing a relationship w/ his daughter, he'll be mature about it and cooperate. Make sure he plays by your rules, until you feel you can trust him again. If he makes things hard for you, he's not ready to be a Good Father and I'm sure your daughter will understand this as she matures. Good Luck!
2007-04-15 18:39:17 · answer #4 · answered by B.Nouvak 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to the dad to see if there had been any changes in him, if not I would request he leave her alone, if he is selfish then tell him to pay over due child support and he can see her. She will want to see him probably but you have a point that if he just comes in and makes trouble that is not good for her. Best Wishes
2007-04-15 18:28:00 · answer #5 · answered by clbinmo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really think he would be harmful to her then I wouldn't let him see her. If he is just a jerk then I think you should let him see her. She needs to decide for herself what she thinks of her dad. Most kids always want a relationship with their parent no matter how much the parent has done to hurt them. They always want to be accepted and loved by their parent. My dad has been very hurtful and absent in my life, but I always seem to give him another chance. I understand you don't want anything messing up your life the way it is, but you had a child with him and he will always be connected to you because of that. I don't like the fact that my husband's ex-wife is has to contact us, but it's something I had to except when I married him. That she wouldn't always be connected to us.
2007-04-15 18:32:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a year or so of grace period, so to speak. See if he consistantly remembers holidays and events. Let him send her e-mails and postcards, or eventually receive phone calls from him. This way you have control over the situation. He may resent your actions, but if he truly committed to being a father to your daughter, he won't be scared away, and neither would any father who loves his child. If he can't, then you're both better off without him
2007-04-15 18:23:01 · answer #7 · answered by Cybele 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Weather you like it or not the birth father still has the right to see his daughter. Just make the visits supervised at first if you don't trust or believe him.
It beats him taking you to court for rights...That can get really ugly really fast.
Good luck!
2007-04-15 18:26:25 · answer #8 · answered by Peter Griffen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him have monitored visits and I hope he pays child support... I think that says alot as to how much a father (parent) cares!
2007-04-15 18:31:52 · answer #9 · answered by QuantumB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should allow him back in, but you need to limit the time she spends with him as to not confuse her as to her real dad (step-dad) is.
2007-04-15 18:19:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋