My daughter's wedding?

Question

My daughter is getting married in September. She wants me and my finace to sit at the same table as my ex and his wife. I
completely despise even the sight of them. Should I have to have this event ruined for me because of it or should I refuse?

Her father ran off and had nothing to do with her for years. He brags about putting his step daughter through college and his own had to quit because he would even buy her a pencil. Turned the hose on her in her car when as a teen she needed help with her car. I am supposed to be nice to this man. After all I should be able to enjoy this day as well.

Answer 1

Actually, I think it's pretty selfish of your daughter to ask you to sit with the man that ran off on you and his new wife. You're not married to him and the divorce was not amicable, nor do you have a good relationship with him. What on earth would make your daughter think that you'd even WANT to sit with him?

It would be a different story if the two of you got along, but the fact is you don't. Unless she's angry with you for something and she's trying to get back at you, I don't understand why she thinks this would be a good idea. It's not like people don't know you're not a couple, so you're not pretending you're still married for appearances sake.

I would ask her what her reasons are - maybe she has some idea that you should sit together or she thinks she's doing the right thing or whatever. Explain to her that you and your fiance would feel very uncomfortable sitting across the table from someone who hurt you so deeply, especially on such a happy occasion. Tell her you're willing to take pictures with her father, but that you'd rather not sit with him, and let her know that you won't be offended if she puts you at separate tables.

If she insists that you sit at the same table, then it's probably best that you suck it up and spend as little time as possible at the table. (And you could ask for an extra large centerpiece so you don't have to look at them. LOL)

Good luck!

Answer 2

My heart goes out to you.... one of the proudest and happiest days of your life...your daughter's wedding.. is going to be tainted if you give in on this.

Enough about all this CRAP about the wedding being "HER special day"...the bride and groom are the focus of the event but that doesn't mean that they should be allowed to ride roughshod over the feelings of others... hopefully your daughter is not a 'Bridezilla' and has just expressed a wish to seat you at the same table and isn't making demands over it!

I don't know how big these tables are, but surely you, your fiance, and perhaps your parents and/ or grandparents could fill one.. and your ex and his new wife could have his close relatives at this? I'm sure no one would think anything strange of this at all!

Answer 3

As much as I agree with you and possibly bring it up, if she stands firm on her answer, then you will only have two options, which one of the two opinions I highly doubt you would want to do (aka: not go).

So, if she stands firm, all you can do is respect her adult choice to keep him there or at that table and totaly ignore them (maybe it is a good way of keeping your high heals a dancing and socializing with those around you bragging how you can put your daughter in college (Even if you don't have much of means like my mom, but she still took out student loans for me so I can achieve my educational goals...look into it. Don't let her drop out cuz you are just as equal as he is if you allowed her to), how you can help her plan the wedding and pay for the wedding and involve your fiance in it (another man taking care of the daughter you and ex share can make him abit unease).

Hey, if can't fight it, then go along with it and play with it.

This is your daughter's wedding. So, try to take part in it and let her have her joyous day by any means.

Answer 4

You can surely put up with sitting at the same table with them for dinner and then move elsewhere.
You are after all her parents and this situation will come up many more times in your life if your daughter has children etc.
There will be baptisms,school events,weddings etc. in which you'll be thrown together and you have to make the best of it.
You worry about the wedding being ruined for you when in fact you should be worried about ruining your daughters wedding by going against her wishes.
After all you are her mother and father and I think you could cast aside your hatred of your ex for a couple hours.This must be very important to her or she wouldn't have asked.
All you have to be is polite and cordial for a few hours.You don't have to act as though you're all best friends.I'm sure your ex has the same feelings as you do but I'm sure he'll make the best of it for your daughters sake.
It's her big day so put your feelings aside and do what's best for her.I'm sure she'd do the same for you.
Good Luck and Happy Wedding Day to your daughter.

Answer 5

Obviously some of these people have not been hurt the way that you and your daughter have. I on the other hand completely understand. Yes, it's your daughters day, however in choosing seats for everyone she needs to make sure that people are comfortable with the other guests that they are seated with. Taking pictures is one thing, but being put in a position where you have to sit at a table with these people for 3-4 hours is a horse of another color. This discomfort may even cause both sets of parents to leave the event early. I would just share my feelings with her and hopefully she will understand.

Answer 6

Why does she want you to sit at the same table???

Okay, now here is my advice -do not refuse to go or to sit at the table. This is your daughter's day and you are only going to look bad if you refuse or cannot deal with it graciously. So put on a nice face and rise above the scum that your ex-husband is. You will look so much better for it, and believe me, everyone will know him for the loser that he is.

Answer 7

I would just sit at the table; it's your daughter's wedding and she wants to have her parent's sitting at the same table. You and your ex are both adults, so act like them. I'm sure you can be civil and cordial to one another for one day. Make a sacrifice for your daughter. Maybe, you and your ex might get along that day. It will be a happy one, so you never no. Just remember to check your personal issues w/ each other at the door and remember you are there for your daughter.

Answer 8

This is your daughters day not yours. Do what is going to make your daughter happy. She a lot of other things to worry about for her wedding day. She should not have to worry about you and her father getting along. Just sit there through dinner and be nice. You dont even have to talk to them if you dont want to. Once dinner is over you can always find another table to go socialize at.

Answer 9

I would advise your daughter that it might be better for everyone if you and your ex sit far far far away from each other. I am sure if she asked her father that he probably wouldn't want to sit next to you either, right? Just explain it to where it would benefit her so she doesn't think you are being difficult. If you sit separately she wont have to worry about either one of you fighting that night. If she refused then just remember that this is her day and just fake it!!

Answer 10

You should do whatever will make the event more enjoyable for you , especilaly because you wnat to remember you r daughters wedding as a happy day and not an uncomfortable event. I am sure your ex probably feel s the same.