Is this wrong?

Question

What is everyone's opinion about reading your children's journals/diarys. I am pretty torn about this.
I am a step mother to 3 children. We have always gotten along, but latley, the older girls have just pulled a complete 180%, and I know that some is normal for a teenager, but they have become so disrespectful to me. Today, I found 13 year old's diary. I read it, desperate to find out what has been going on with her and it had a lot of mean things to say about me, but also about her father, and mother, and other step parent, all her siblings..ect...so I didn't feel as badly about that...
But, here is the tricky part: What do you do when you come across something in a child's journal, that you need to question? She has a major crush her step-father's brother. He is 13 years older then her, and she doesn't see that as a big deal because her dad is 10 years older than me. AND...he lives with them at her other house. I think we need to confront her about it, but I don't know how?

Ugh...the frustrating thing, is I ran out of characters before I could get everything out. The kid's do feel displaced, I'm sure, but what I didn't get a chance to say, is my husband and I are the stable couple. They are with us 50 % of the time, and we are the ones who provide the real "family" feel. Our membership in the church, has helped, but I NEVER intended on using anything I would have read against her. I am a writer, and written thoughts are very important to me. I take this issue very seriously. The urge to read it took over my life, and I would reget it more if I used it to my advantage. The stepmother stigma is really hurtful. I love those kids as much as the ones I gave birth too, and it breaks my heart that she doesn't know where to turn. This situation is very delicate, because her mother and stepfather, aren't trustworthy people, and if this step uncle is the one she turns too...I'm afraid she might mistake his kindness, which hopefully will only end in sadness

Answer 1

Don't beat yourself up for trying to protect the young people that you and your husband are ultimately responsible for.

The teenage years are a road filled with potholes and tidal waves, and sometimes you just have to do what is the best for the child (even though they think they are all grown up, they are not.)

This is all part of the growing up process, talk to your husband first, and then you can get her biological mom and stepfather involved. You cannot take the chance that this stepbrother will not or has not taken advantage of the situation. I certainly hope not, but you cannot be too careful when I comes to men and young girls who think that they are all grown up in a child's mind with a maturing body.

Your stepdaughter will probably hate you and your husband for awhile, but she will be safe and that is part of your job as a parent. The best approach may be for all four parents/stepparents to create a "united front" on this one.
If the young man is smart enough, he is avoiding her like a bad habit, but if he is not; her parents need to put a stop to whatever has gone on that is inappropriate.

The fact that a thirteen year old would not see anything wrong with a guy his age is not because of your age difference with your husband, it is all about teenage hormones and that grown up feeling.

I wish you all well, I thank God everyday that my two used to be teenagers are all grown up with families of their own. We all had our moments too. and survived them all.

God bless you for being a loving and concerned parent/stepparent.

Answer 2

I am a step mom to, and my girls (4) all went through phases like this. It is no different than having a crush on a school teacher or the pastor of the church. I think if you make to much of this it will destroy your stepdaughter's trust in you. If you act to lightly you could be putting her in danger. I say talk to the uncle and let him know that she has this crush on him and even though he may be flattered he needs to be the adult and let the young stepdaughter know if she gets out of line. Why make a big ordeal out this right now and involve the whole family when all it is right now are words written in a journal that should have been left alone in the first place. Try to remember that anything can be written in journals, even stuff that is not true. Journals are use to express one's self in any way they feel at the time, true or not, fact or not. Sometimes teens will write things to trap parents. They feel they are being spied on or watched to closely and they are real good at setting traps to prove their point. Be careful how you handle this one, but watch her for her own safety. If you suspect drugs then don't go looking into journals, get a drug test and have her take it, don't pussy foot around trying not to rock the boat, be a responsible parent and let her know you love her enough to do it. Good luck

Answer 3

I have a journal and my parents don't read it-mostly because I hide it though. Anyhow, I think you should talk it over with your husband and the dude she has a crush over and the people who are involved. See what they think-if you guys should let it blow over and let the crushing take its course or if this deserves a talk.
I'm almost fifteen and I think that if she hasn't done anything too bad and she's just crushing then let it blow over. I'm sure that guy would NEVER date her anyway because he could get thrown in jail and let's be honest here: What do a 13 year old and a like 26 year old have in common??
But it's your stepdaughter and I'm sure you know her way better than any of us. So talk it over and think things through before you do anything. Think about how you're going to tell her that you know. If you say you read her diary then she'll hate you for awhile...so as long as you get that taken care of and know what to say I'm sure things will be okay.
But don't be afraid to let things go. Sometimes teens gotta learn stuff themselves and without being confronted or talked to about it.

Good luck!!

Answer 4

Hi... i think that it's very difficult to merge families, and to be a step-parent. while you and the girls probably get along most of the time, there is an element of resentment many times, because of the parents' break up.

it's not your fault. it's "normal", for what it's worth.

teenaged people are going through quite a lot of changes in body and mind. it's such a major transitional period in life, and they have very strong and sometimes mixed feelings about others. i wouldn't take too much of what the 13 year old wrote to heart... her feelings about others probably change with the season -- as i recall, mine did at 13!

about the step-father's brother -- if he has a good head on his shoulders and is not known to date 13 year olds, i wouldn't worry about it. girls develop crushes, and the age probably isn't a big deal to her; however, if he asked her out, she'd probably run in the opposite direction!

instead of "confronting" her, perhaps your husband or you could let her mom know that she seems to have a crush on this guy, just so they are aware. but, like i said, if the guy isn't a child molester, i woudn't worry about it...

take care.

Answer 5

A very unwell mama puppy is an totally traumatic concern. And I realise your anger at one of the crucial solutions that you simply got. It is usual so that you can desire to vent again to those individuals a few of your anger and frustration. So, attempt to stay calm and preserve your recognition to your puppy & doggies. Don't allow this cloud your precise target - a healthful puppy. And sure, I might love to understand this results. Kudos to you on your speedy motion in taking good care of 7 doggies! It is not handy! I desire that extra humans might become aware of that there are instances that stump even the nice of vets. While the calicum challenge is essentially the most average with those signs, it isn't the one intent. And your willpower to this puppy and her doggies may be very, very admirable. So, you understand that you're responding to this concern within the nice procedure feasible. You are doing all you'll do in an totally complex concern. Let God variety out the leisure. Peace

Answer 6

Man.. you read the diary? And you're the step-mom. Shame on you.

Hey.. its a crush.. There isn't anything you can do about it. Let her be a teenager and have her crush. Unless you suspect this guy is going to cross the line.. do nothing.

As for the disrespect, you'll have to discuss it with her father. There are rules to be set. But you can't read her diary anymore. If she finds out... you are in a world of trouble and I can't blame her.

Everyone talks to everyone with respect. Also need to respect one's space and personal stuff.

If you talk to her about it, you'll blow your cover. I think its harmless. Talk to your husband.and just make sure this guy won't cross the line.

Answer 7

1) its wrong to read a child personal journal/diary its were they put there thought and feels so they would have to tell other people how they feel.
2) you cant question on what you have read because then she will know that you read her personal diary.
3) how old is her fathers brother.
4) how did you feel about your mother/step mother reading your personal diary if you found out that she did ......how would you feel about her finding out about the stuff u put in it and then your mum comeing to you and asking questions......you wouldnt of trust her again with anything....and you would of been so mad at her......thats what your step daughter would be like and how she would feel....

Answer 8

Well, that is quite the sticky situations, isn't it...OK....I think I would discuss w/ her father first, or her mother, depending one your relationship with her. Hopefully the brother is mature and moral enough to know that any action taken to encourage this crush would be wrong. If you talk to the girl, she will just have a hissy fit, So I would start with your husband...13 is a god awful age!

Answer 9

I've never read anything my son wrote when he was growing up {If he wrote anything}, but in your situation you were seeking answers as to why your stepchild was acting the way she is. My best suggestion to you is to talk to her father and mother to see what they say, your daughter will see it as a evasion of privacy for reading her journal and you need to be united in order to help her out.

Answer 10

Unless you think this 26 year old man would fool around with a young girl dont say anything to her. If you think he would then you need to talk to him not her.

Meanwhile stay out of their personal thoughts where you do not belong and just give her some positive attention.