My mother has a boyfriend (she is divorced from my father), and he's very nice, polite, and respectful. In the beginning, I really didn't like the prospect of my mother having him as a boyfriend, not because of his personality or anything, but because it's just hard to accept him into the family, and I don't like the idea of him ever being my stepdad if they get married one day. I try my very best to accept him into the family, but it gets harder everyday. I thought after a while this feeling of dislike is supposed to go away! I don't show anything, but it's hard to keep my true feelings in. How can I have myself accept him as a member of the family? After all, I have no reason to hate him.
2007-04-15 12:11:16 · 9 answers · asked by julia 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If your mother's boyfriend is good to her, try to accept him for her sake. I am sure your mother's happiness is important to you, so sometimes you have to do what's best for her. My dad died and my mother has had a few boyfriends over the years. It was hard at first, but I want her to be happy and I want to be supportive of her choices. She needed some company, someone she could laugh with and have fun with. If he is nice, polite and respectful, and most of all , good to your mom, then be happy for your mom. You would rather your mom be happy than lonely, right? Good luck to you sweetie!
2007-04-15 12:26:15 · answer #1 · answered by casey308 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think there is a big misconception that only children have a hard time with the idea of watching their parents love another and not their father. It's painful, and even though you are all grown up, there is still that child in you that wishes that you could have your family back, and you see your Mom's new love as a potential threat to that dream that you still carry in your heart. However, you're are all grown up now, and it seems so selfish of you to not want your mother to fall in love again and have a life for herself. She's got a second chance, and you said yourself that you really don't have a reason to not like the guy. Thus, put your feelings aside in this, and think of your Mother and how wonderful it is that she has found someone. Help her plan her big day and relish in the fact that your Mother has companionship, someone to grow old with, and who will love her in the way that you would want to be loved by the man in your life. It's hard, but you have to face the fact that your parents will always be your parents, but they will love you separately. When you can face up to that, you will learn to be happy for your Mother instead of being bitter for yourself.
2007-04-15 19:24:41 · answer #2 · answered by J Dubble 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is always a feeling of unhappiness when a parent chooses to date after parent's divorce. My adult kids were very opposed for the first couple of years. They wouldn't even meet a guy I was dating (after not dating for one year). The feeling may be a little jealousy of someone else in her life and or they may be that you still wish your parents were together. Do realize, that she has to go on with her life and it would be unusual for her to not want a male in her life? Try to accept the bf because he makes her happy. After all you won't be there forever and she should not have to be alone forever because you have these feelings. Try to see things from her perspective. Good luck.
2007-04-15 19:42:21 · answer #3 · answered by Jan C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old you are but you see to be in your early or pre teens. I came from this very situation. I didn't like my stepfather much. I prayed about it every night. Nothing seemed to help me feel any better about this man being in our house or with my mom. It wasn't until I was an adult and had children of my own that I began to see the light. As I was growing up I truly enjoyed having boyfriends. The touch and feel of another beside me was comforting and someone to share the things that I couldn't share with anyone else. I always hoped my parents would get back together and we would live happily ever after. Silly childish and selfish me. I didn't realize that my mom's relationship with this man was what she needed and it wasn't about me, it was about her and she just needed something that I couldn't give her, as much as I wanted to. If I could go back and do anything different I would go back and respect and love him for loving my mom so much that he was willing to give up life as he knew it and become the one to make my mom happy again. I would hug his neck and tell him how special he is for helping my mom to see the rainbow again. I would ask him to come to my school functions to smile with my mom and share her joy that she recieved from me.
Instead of accepting him as a member of the family, accept him as the one person who makes your mom's world complete again and respect him for the kind man that he is. Good Luck!
2007-04-15 19:38:53 · answer #4 · answered by MJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though you may feel the love you give your mother should be enough.... well it is, but its a different kind of love she needs and for whatever reason she and your dad didn't stay together this guy may be the one that gives her what she needs. Don't you want your mother to be happy especially when he treats everyone great.
2007-04-15 19:27:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might be uncomfortable however how about a day alone with him. Get to know him a little bit with some one on one. No he will never me your dad however another adult male in your life is not a bad thing. Try it!!!
2007-04-15 19:56:32 · answer #6 · answered by Stephanie P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought about getting to know him better? Like asking for his advice on something ? I would think that your thoughts on him have crossed his mind.
2007-04-15 19:31:14 · answer #7 · answered by doggybag300 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i leave my daughter answer that she ready my step daughter
Get to know inside instead of thinking about your father might just get to know as a person.
2007-04-15 19:19:01 · answer #8 · answered by susan p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you feel is normal and you have loyalties. Its natural to have feelings on this issue. Talk to your mum about how you feel
2007-04-15 19:16:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋