If someone asks me out, I would feel horrible saying "no". Is there a nice way to say it? I usually end up making excuses but I know that is wrong. Is there something else I could say instead?
2007-04-15 08:36:09 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I understand how you feel but let me tell you something. If you don't say "No" when you mean "No" then you can really open the door for some major problems regarding this guy that you don't really want around.
I have made the mistake in my life of saying "Sure!" when I didn't really mean it a number of times. Usually it was a guy who liked me a whole lot more than I liked him and like you, I felt bad saying "No" to him. I thought it was mean and I felt guilty imagining the guy feeling bad or maybe even hating me.
It seemed like every time I did this I ended up with a MUCH bigger problem on my hands than I would have if I just said "No" and let it go.
The guy would call me non stop. Show up at my house when I didn't want him anywhere near me. Follow me around.
I would spend a huge amount of my time trying to AVOID
this guy and making up EXCUSES as to why I couldn't see him at this time or another.
I would grow RESENTFUL and begin to HATE the guy when I never really hated him to begin with. I only wanted to say "No".
I would give him the COLD SHOULDER when he came around.
Give him the EVIL EYE when he would look my way. I felt TERRIBLE about the whole thing and I'm sure the guy felt a hell of a lot worse than me.
Sooner or later the DAM WOULD BREAK and I would flip out on this poor guy and tell him to LEAVE ME ALONE or quit bothering me. It sucked all the way around, but you know what....???
I know TONS of women that do exactly what I just explained to you all because of a fear of one little word, the word "No".
Not saying "No" when you mean "No" leads to all kinds of grief all the way around.
You end up crushing a poor guys spirit all because you were afraid to hurt his feelings in the first place.
I have learned my lesson but it took me many years.
I am grateful that I have been able to teach my own daughters and sons not to be afraid to say "No." It is the right thing to do.
Did you know that women not wanting to hurt a guys feelings or say "No" can often lead to the absolute worst scenario. There are some freaks out there that count on a womans inability to say "No", Freaks that work on her feelings of guilt and shame. The woman opens the door for a man she doesn't even know because she is afraid to hurt his feelings....I'm sure you can figure out the rest of the story. There are thousands of dead women out there who were afraid to hurt a mans feelings.
Sadly our society had taught this to women for thousands of years. What the man wants is more important than what you want. Now that it's too late all society can do is major damage control and hope that women will be empowered by other women and maybe trust their own instincts and say "NO" when you mean it.
Dont think I'm just a wacko feminist because I'm not. I'm a woman who has had to learn the hard way and who has researched this subject throughout my life.
Tell him "NO." You don't have to be harsh and it's not that hard once you do it the first time. It becomes easier and easier. Trust in your own strength. Follow your instincts.
"I'm so sorry but I'm not interested in a relationship or dating right now." That's all it takes. Many guys will keep pushing you and sooner or later you will give in...DONT.
Continue to say "No" and leave. If the guy gets weird, RUN. Don't be afraid. You have the right to say NO!!!
Good Luck
2007-04-15 08:59:31 · answer #1 · answered by blakta2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest but toss in a buffer. The buffer is to open the rejection with : " You seem to be a nice guy...." and then fill in the next part with a line like " I'm seeing someone allready" or "Just getting over a bad break-up, perhaps some other time".
2007-04-15 08:40:54 · answer #2 · answered by acedelux 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Say to him, "I'm flattered that you asked me out but I just don't have those kind of feelings for you." This way you are being honest with him and you don't have to think of an excuse to make up.
2007-04-15 08:42:57 · answer #3 · answered by Stephanie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest and tell him that while you value his friendship, you just don't feel that way about him. Don't write someone off too quickly though. My sister went out with a guy that she was friends with, thinking that nothing would come of it, and they are married now, and so perfect for each other that it makes people sick.
2007-04-15 08:41:09 · answer #4 · answered by lulu muffin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"I'm not looking for a relationship right now."
or
"I'm not interested in you."
or
"Uh...No."
You can be as nice as you want. But how he acts ultimately depends on the his security. We are men. We can take it. If he can't take it, he has no business asking. Just please...don't play games with us/him. (I know there are a lot of guys that love to play games... It doesn't make it right.)
Summary: Tell him and leave it at that.
2007-04-15 08:44:27 · answer #5 · answered by Judetnu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's really a good question. Just try being as honest and forthright as you can. It's a part of life, growing and learning.
I would tell him you're flattered by the offer and thank him very much, but you can't at this, or whatever.
Very bad advice below - however, don't tell him that he's not your type.
2007-04-15 08:39:01 · answer #6 · answered by Joe C 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him that you appreciate his wanting to take you out, but you feel better just being his friends for now. That doesn't mean that it won't change in the future. Be honest, he will respect you more than if you just lie to him and he finds out.
2007-04-15 08:42:16 · answer #7 · answered by ltlluci 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being a guy, the only way to say no and have him still respect you is to say, "I'm sorry, Im just not interested" and leave it at that.
2007-04-15 08:41:39 · answer #8 · answered by tucker142002 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't feel "horrible" saying no.everyone deals with rejection in one form or another.everyone says yes for one reason or another (and some reasons aren't pretty). when you say no do it gently but firmly...for example...thank you for asking;but,I'm not feeling an attraction to you and I don't want to waste your time.
2007-04-15 08:45:38 · answer #9 · answered by jonny y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you have to think about it. That way he'll think he has a chance, and thena day or two later say, you're a really cool guy but i just don't see us together. But we can be friends =]. Even if you dont want to be friends lol, it never happens anyway.
2007-04-15 08:40:12 · answer #10 · answered by Brianna T 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋