what can i do?

Question

i have a mother that drinks everyday hardly works and takes my ss cheack every month but we never have food in the house when ever she gets home in her alcaholic haze she punishes me for everything she told me i could move out the otherday and now she won't let me leave the house not even to go to the beach. my mom is using me for my ss cheack every month to get booze and what ever her boyfriend might need i never see any of the money and whats worse than that i clean the house and if i'm not here to do so that house is a reck i have a place to live that is not here i'm 17 and i have a job my mom does not abbus me physically but she does mentally it's really becomming stressful so i left for the weekend and stayed at the place that i could be living right now for two days those two days i called my mother 4 times to tell her what it going on and that i;m all right and of coarse no one answers the phone. and when i got home she yelled. i tryed to expplaine my self but she was drunk.

Answer 1

Leave. Pack your bags. If you stay there, you'll get sucked into trouble. Don't stay there. Your mother sounds like she has a lot of problems. Problems you do not have to deal with. And plus, maybe she should go to rehab.

Answer 2

When will you be turning 18? If it is soon, it might not be worth the hassle if you can "stick it out" until then. Maybe you can just go stay at that home for a little while and just never make it home. Will your mother turn you in as missing?

What she is doing is wrong, I'm not trying to say she should just get away with what is happening, I just think it might be more beneficial for you personally if you work on your future plans and get yourself put together and set up. I'm sure many people will say to turn her in to child protective services, but it might be better for you emotionally if you just allow yourself to grow up and move on. (and I don't mean "grow up" in a bad way, it sounds like you are well on your way already).

There is no talking to someone who is drunk. There is no reasoning, and anything that is said gets forgotten, confused, twisted, and turned upside down. Don't even bother to talk to her when she's like that, all it will do is make you feel like you're nuts.

Stay in school, finish high school if you have not already, or get your GED if you have not. Apply for financial aid and go to college. If you want to know how to do that, I'd be happy to give you all the information in the world on how to go to college for free. If you qualify for SSI, most likely you will qualifiy for a substantial amount of aid. Get yourself set up, and establish a life of your own. Your mother may or may not sober up and come around, but the truth is that there is nothing that you alone can do to help her along. You need to start taking care of you, and stop worrying about your mother. Visit her, or phone her or whatever, but get out of her daily life and get into your own.

Good luck, be strong, and hang in there. Whatever you've been through the last 17 years is probably more than what most of us have. You have the power to make a better life for yourself, and the power not to let your mom's mistakes and lifestyle bring you down.

Answer 3

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Your mother definately needs help, but probably wont get it, because she doesn't seem to want it. Your mother is abusing you, it's called neglect. The good thing is you are 17 and have a job, so you can pretty much hold your own for now. If your Mom doesn't care where you live, and she seemed not to, because she wouldn't answer the phone when you were gone. Then live at the other place, as long as it is a good environment for you.

Answer 4

Oh dear,my heart goes out to you,must be a horrible way to live. Your mother needs help desperately,I hope she can see that and check herself into rehab.
As for your SS check. As soon as you turn 18,the check will come to you,in your name,not your mothers. She cannot sign it and cash it after you have turned 18. My advice would be that after you turn 18,have your check directly deposited into a bank account with your name on it only. That way,your mother cannot spend it for things other than it was intended for. A dependents check is to be spent on the child and to help pay household bills.
Maybe it would be best if you could stay with a friend for a while.Sounds like you don't need anymore stress,especially if you are trying to finish school.
Good luck.

Answer 5

I´m sure you love your mum , otherwise you would have left. I understand how you feel. You need to get your mum some kind of help, before she kills herself. I too had a problem many years ago, it if it was´t because my family loved me and help me I would not be here today .But you to are suffering , you are very young and to watch your mother in this kind of state every day and take all the blame , because off her problem is no good for your health. Try and speak to her , it won´t be easy . as people with this kind of problem always deny they have a problem , tell her you want to help her , but she has to help herself first. I´m sure you mum love´s you , but she can´t get out of this problem on her own, If you have other family , they can help you . I also think you should go to your GP, & speak to him , tell him everything . You will be helping yourself and your mother if you do this. Be brave & good luck

Answer 6

If you are 17, then it sounds like the best thing you could do is leave. You don't deserve to be treated unkind by your mother. Just be careful, becuase you are only 17, she could report you to the police as a run away, sounds like she would so she could keep getting your money. Can you get permission from your father? Good luck to you. Remeber not to let her be mean to you.

Answer 7

So Sorry to hear this ,sounds like your mom needs alot of help. Maybe there is a trusted person you could talk to help you help your mom. Life probably has not been good for her and her only way to not think about it is to stay wasted and yet not get help.I know you love your mom so getting her help would be a good idea.

Answer 8

hi.. i'm sorry you're living with an alcoholic parent. it just doesn't seem right or fair.

my best suggestion is to look up alanon and alateen on line. they are a support group for people who live with and are affected by an alcoholic relative.

you will find an alanon or alateen meeting in your community, and you just need to contact Alcoholics Anonymous to find these group meetings...

believe me, the people who attend Alanon and Alateen DO UNDERSTAND your position and will have a lot of suggestions and helpful information for you. the websites also offer help and support, but i think that it would be good if you would consider going to meetings as well as looking at the website information.

if you take the initiative to look this up, you wil be helping YOU, and you deserve good help, hon. take care of you. hugz

Answer 9

There is no easy way to live with an alchoholic,if you think shes using you for your check,you should report this to someone,if not, as soon as you turn 18,get out!Remember,you cant help her till she wants help.I am 33 and cant remember a day my mom hasnt drank,and she still denies shes alchoholic!they have meetings for families living w/alcholics,maybe you should check one out.Good luck!

Answer 10

This is too much for a 17 year old to handle.
Where's your father or have you got any other close family members/friends that can give you a place to stay for a while.