I'm 27 my fiancee is 34. We've been together two years and just got engaged! We both are atheists though raised Christian. My mother keeps saying to me make sure to have a priest. Why would two atheists be married by a priest? Who would marry us anyways? We want a secular marriage, she wants a religious one. I want to find a middle ground like have a non religious officiant but let a reading or prayer be said by a friend or family member during the section we would have other poems or readings. They have already put money into a CD to save for the wedding and my fiancee and I are saving as well, I still feel that because they are contributing a large amount of money to the wedding that I have no ground to have a wedding that I won't dread. I don't want to feel like I am a kid being dragged to church because my mother wants me to be Christian. Please any suggestions for dealing with this situation in a loving and open manner without having beliefs forced on us at our wedding.
2007-04-14 21:24:35 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The bottom line is, this is YOUR wedding. Only the two of you should have a say in how it will be. You weren't there to tell them how to be wed, so they shouldn't tell you. Do what is right, feels right, for the two of you and do not care what other's think. It doesn't matter what they deposited. What they deposited was money for the two of you, not the right to dictate. If that is what they expect, give the money back.
2007-04-14 21:33:00 · answer #1 · answered by philrobeson 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dealing with family can often be the most stressful part of a wedding. Try to reach a middle ground with your parents. I think you idea about the officiant with readings is a great idea, and they should hopefully be willing to meet you in the middle.
Have a discussion with your parents (again if you already had one), and make your point and propose a solution.
If your parents still won't budge, you will have to make a decision. Remember, this is YOUR wedding!
However, if money is a concern you have to weigh the options. If you choose to stand your ground, have a back up plan to pay for the wedding if they decide not to give you the money.
Hope this helps!
2007-04-18 07:57:50 · answer #2 · answered by weddingideasguide 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would get a secular officient speak of love, peace, and treating others as they would treat you, and lots of other things Christians consider to be "christian morals".
No, you shouldn't really marry in front of a "holy man" of any religion (except maybe secular humanist or unitarians) if you are really Atheist. It just wouldn't be a ceremony based on your beliefs and I know I'd be upset if I was in your situation.
There are passages of the bible that do not mention God, only love (Corinthians). You could, if you wanted and felt comfortable, select a passage like that to appease your parents and have a member read them. If not, you can read other passages from other books speaking about love.
I linked a written script from an Atheist wedding. I think they did a great job.
2007-04-14 21:43:41 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa M 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I am in a similar situation. We decided to get married outdoors and opted to have a reverend perform a "spiritual" yet "non-denominational" ceremony. I did a search in yellowpages.com and google for "wedding officiant" and "wedding ministry" in my town and after lots of digging found someone to officiate our wedding that has a religious background, but will perform a non-religious ceremony (I don't think they're uncommon, just hard to find). We still have to work with her on the details, but we hope to create a elegant ceremony that everyone will appreciate with a nice poem, music, vows, wedding blessing, ("Apache wedding blessing"), and a moment of silence for those that couldn't be with us (some may use that time for prayer), not necessarily in that order. Hope this helps and good luck!
2007-04-15 05:06:53 · answer #4 · answered by Honeybee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The fact that they're giving money for the wedding doesn't give them the right to tell you how to do it. That money is a present for you to have a great wedding ceremony just like you want it. If they're conditioning giving the money with dictating what you should do, better not to take it.
"make sure to have a priest?" - hmmm how'bout "make sure to respect us, it's our wedding"
not exactly the loving, open manner you were looking for, but at least let me wish you a beautiful life together
2007-04-14 21:40:16 · answer #5 · answered by Deep Thought 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Time for you and your man to be mature and independent, pay for the wedding yourselves - have the type and style of wedding you can according to your own budget - and have that be it. It would be a slap in the face to people of faith for you to have a religious ceremony when you both are not believers. Have just a jp ceremony, with a small dinner for your family and close friends. Tell you parents you appreciate them offering money for the wedding, but that you would like instead for them to spend it on themselves, taking a vacation or something.
2007-04-14 21:51:47 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I would save up and pay for the wedding yourselves and tell them that you WILL have a secular wedding.
Frankly, I'd want to have a ceremony and reception *I* want, and not want my parents or relatives want. Do you want to look back and regret your ceremony because your parents "forced" you to have a religious one?
You have every right to have a secular wedding no matter who is paying for it.
Congrats btw :)
2007-04-15 02:28:41 · answer #7 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am luckier than you. My boyfriend's mum is not particular about this.
But I really envy you! You gonna have a church wedding and the whole world is celebrating for you, your friends, colleagues, family and church friends.
Wedding is for both of you, I agree. But the process is for all the people around you. Learn to accept that fact that you need to go thru this. Sorry I think you got to think that it is a process of marriage rather than a religion if both of you are atheists.
Wish you happy!
2007-04-14 22:45:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
a priest will not marry atheists and will make you say things like "Do you PROMISE to raise your kids in this church, etc" and you will have to say "yes". So dont do it!
My fiance is catholic, my parents and his parents are catholic and I am more agnostic (dont believe, dont disbelieve). So I am getting married OUTSIDE by a justice of the peace.
You can have a JP say a few god things to please your mom, but that's it.
2007-04-15 05:14:03 · answer #9 · answered by Educated 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is your day and not your parents. What you want should go. They may be contributing to the wedding. But it is still you dream what you and your fiance say should go.
2007-04-15 04:56:51 · answer #10 · answered by kittymom28 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋