I have found myself worrying about my childs opinion of me when I make the tuff decisions. As I draw upon the experences of my childhood, I have found that It seemed that my parents always made me mad at their choices for me, but I in turn turned out alright. And even though I told myself that I would NEVER do what they did, find myself trying to raise my kids the same way they raised me.
2007-04-14 19:19:18 · 8 answers · asked by Common Sense 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Parenting is HARD sometimes. You need to parent even when your child isn't happy with your decisions. You'll have time later on in their lives to be friends... Until they leave home, though, you need to PARENT them!!
I can attest to the fact that parents who are too lenient with their children, parents who do not establish and enforce clear boundaries with their children, and parents who are afraid to tell their children "No" because the children won't like them... well, their lives are miserable and their children are miserable. Children NEED boundaries, children NEED rules and they NEED to know their parents will do what's best for them even if it means they aren't very popular!! In the long run, parenting right in the first place is a lot easier than trying to undo or make up for years of "friendship"...
2007-04-14 19:32:54 · answer #1 · answered by Amy S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow.. I think it depends on the nature of where you live (geographically), the socioeconomic class, etc. I think it probably affects some folks. Of course some are more concerned w/ appearing to be a great parent to society. The friend thing... well... those are just folks w/ problems. I believe in all things there is probably a balance. You don't want to raise your children in a tyrannical household, and you want your homelife to be pleasant. But there are some dirty jobs with the parent's name on it. I think the balance is laying out your expectations to your children. But doing it in a kind voice. Ask your children to tend to their responsibilities the way you want others to ask you to tend to yours. Generally, (note.. there are exceptions to the rule), if your're not a total jerk, your kid won't be either. Oh, and the probabtion ofc. is correct in the need for boundaries. Studies have shown and I know from my own experience w/ a tyrannical mom and a overly lenient father who ended up divorcing - sometimes more than anything you want your parents to say "He**, no you aren't!" I think part of it is knowing you still have their attention. The other part is needing to actually SEE the loving worry in their eyes and knowing it's there because they care about YOU.
2007-04-15 03:07:53 · answer #2 · answered by Jan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids will love you no matter what, and it is more about finding a balance between parent and friend than it is about leaning one way or the other. When a tough decision has to be made, if you sit down and explain to your kids why you have made that decision, then you are offering them respect, which is usually returned in kind, they may still be upset with you, but they will know that you are doing it with their best interests at heart. As parents we are the most influential adult role-model in their lives and the relationship they have with us is the one that forms the basis for the way they respond to teachers and other authority figures for the rest of their lives
Good luck
2007-04-15 04:56:23 · answer #3 · answered by sanerstii 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a parent myself, I understand completely what you are saying. It's hard to stick to your guns specially if your child is a teenager and towers over you.But one thing I learned,even if at the moment he hated my decision and threw a fit,he'd get over it and wasn't the worse for wear. He's in his early twenties now, on his own, very normal and we have a great relationship.
2007-04-15 03:44:21 · answer #4 · answered by Georgewasmyfavorite 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I agree that many parents try to be their children's friends rather than their parents. My Dad used to always make me so mad because he used to say things like "I'm not *so & so's* Father, I'm yours" or "I'm not your friend, I'm your father". I would get so angry. But looking back... I'm so glad I had his strong and unwaivering guidance and boundaries. He was my rock. If I didn't have that I might have turned out like a lot of my friends... on drugs or pregnant by 18.
2007-04-15 02:28:55 · answer #5 · answered by Trista <3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i think parents are trying to be their childs friend, not a parent, it is our job to raise our children, get them throught childhood to be sucessful happy adults, not to make them happy and be their friends.
2007-04-15 02:24:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You live what you know. And really is it so horrible that your kids think you are mean or bossy when you know your are right in saying no to them?
2007-04-15 02:50:07 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Instantkarma♥♫ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it ain't broke, don't fix it!
2007-04-15 02:34:27 · answer #8 · answered by karenhar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋