I love kids but I don't like adoption...?

Question

I really love kids. I don't have any of my own at the time. Frankly I don't know if I can conceive Im too afraid to get tested. Ive tried before but nothing has happend. Ive never tried anything to track obvulation or anything either. Anywho...my b/f asked if I wanted to adopt and I said no. I don't know if I can take care of a baby I didn't birth but I love my god children to death. plz help me someone I don't know why I feel like this.. is there anyone out there that can relate??

Answer 1

I am adopted. My parents have disowned their "natural" son (for many, many, many good reasons), but I have a WONDERFUL relationship with them. I think if you want to have children, and if you adopt, it soon won't seem all that different to you.

However, on the other side of the coin, I can really relate to you. I would consider adoption, but I want to have biological children first. This is no small undertaking for my wife and I, either. A very nasty disorder runs in my wife's family, and if we have a son there is a 50% chance he will be severely retarded as well as confined to a wheel chair. In order for us to have kids and to avoid this, we are going to have to go through some expensive proceedures.

For me, I have never had a biological connection with anyone, and for some reason that is important to me. However, I know that if we cannot have kids and if we decide to adopt, I won't love my kids any less. I am just not ready to accept that possibility quite yet.

Answer 2

Dude I can so relate to you I feel the same way. I don't want any children the real way I guess you can call it because I am afraid. I love my god child to death and my neice. I am 25 years of age also. I don't have any children either. I think that one day I will adopt, I know you feel like you wont love this child because it really is not yours, but once you get to know this child you will love this child as much as if it was your child. Maybe you are not ready for children yet, me and b/f talk about kids all the time, I am just not ready yet. There are lot more reasons to. Maybe that is it. I don't know if I exactly helped or not you could email if you wanted.

Answer 3

I'm an adoptive mother, and love my children with all of my heart. I always wanted to adopt, so I can't relate personally, but have heard many parents say they were unsure at first, but later changed there mind, and THEN decided to adopt, and love their kids more then anything.
The important thing is do not plan to adopt until you've decided 100 percent that it's the right thing for you, and you will consider the child your own. Children deserve parents who love them before they even arrive home, and not those who are going to give it a try and hope that they "learn to love" their child.

Answer 4

If you don't feel like you can do it than don't. The worst thing you could do is adopt a child you find out you really can't bond with and grow to resent. If you want a child of your own I would suggest trying more to conceive. It sounds like you've just kind of left it up to nature but you could also do some charting and ovulation testing at home for a while before even needing to see a doctor to find out if there's problems.

Answer 5

I'm adopted and strangely enough, I sometimes worry about that also, as my husband and I would like to have two biological children and adopt a third. However, when you adopt a baby, raise that baby, and am a mother to that baby....that baby becomes yours. You actually will probably bond more easily with that baby than it will w/ you (check out the Primal Wound -- great book on this subject, but difficult for me to read). When I was a child, and to this day -- we sometimes forget I was adopted. For example, my mother will make comments about about me looking like someone in our family, or sharing some characteristics -- I have to remind her that I'm adopted. Bottom line -- I think when you adopt a child from infancy and you are responsible for that infant -- it will feel very quickly like that is your own baby. Most likely -- when that baby gets older, you too will sometimes forget that he/she was adopted.

Answer 6

At one time in my life I felt about adopting like you do,several years later my desire for motherhood was too strong to ignore and not being able to conceive we adopted an adorable little boy.He was 3 weeks old when we got him and has been a blessing in our lives for 21 years now,I don't think we could love him more if he were our biological child,he is our life, sure, you have to deal with the "I am adopted" issue and that takes years for the child to work through,but for us he's worth all the hard work. This experience has taught me that is not always blood that matters but love.

Answer 7

I can't relate, but I will say this. It's normal, everyone wants a kid that is their own. Personally I've heard nothing but good things from people who have adopted. Everyone I know that was adopted that is my age seemed to turn out normal - with few exceptions. The reality is that you might just have to do what you have to do. I think if you have one of those foster babies (if that's the correct term) in your arms you could change your mind.

Answer 8

My cousin is adopted.Im glad he is because he was being abused and had his collar bone and wrist broken.Its good to adopt because you are saving a child from feeling unloved and neglected.They will love you as if you did give birth to them.I would think of it as this..try having a child or save one thats already into the world and needs my help.

Answer 9

Maybe just think that an adopted child needs your love and care just as much as your own child

Answer 10

Well, I used to think years ago that there was something wrong with me, that I couldn't conceive. Then the doctor checked my ex's spermcount, and guess who was to blame? Shortly after, I dumped him and found Mr. Right, then Bam! Pregnant! I think that if you opted for adoption, you'd learn to love that baby pronto!