We have been dating for 7 years! and he is sooooo special to me! but the thought of marrige has always scared me! I just don't like to feel like I can't go out or do stuff, I would NEVER cheat or anything like that but IDK...
2007-04-14 16:41:09 · 29 answers · asked by everprep 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You were bound to head into marriage eventually.
Marriage doesn't mean you're going to be under house arrest for the rest of your life.
It just means that you can start a new adventure with him.
2007-04-14 16:44:18 · answer #1 · answered by ( Kelly ) 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you don't know, and you aren't sure, then do yourself and him a favor, and tell him so.
BUT...I can tell you, there are plenty of times as a married person I go out and do stuff without my husband. Granted, it's not with another guy (although once with a gay guy--but I don't think that counts either), but when you're married you're not joined at the hip or anything like that. You do lead separate lives in some areas, you are, after all, 2 separate people. There are things my hubby enjoys that I don't, and vice versa. I can also tell you that my husband is the best thing that's happened to me in my life, my children are second.
Look at yourself and ask yourself why the thought of marriage scares you. Is it because you've never seen a good example of one? Is it because your parents were divorced? Is it because you feel you would give up your independence or even your own identity as a married person? Talk with your boyfriend about this, maybe he can help you figure out how not to be scared. I can tell you this, there are things in my life I've not done out of fear, and I've almost always regretted it in the end. Sometimes, you've just got to take a deep breath, and jump off the high dive, you know?
Good luck to you!
2007-04-14 23:49:45 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are scared of the idea of marriage, not of beig married specifically to him.
Yes, it is a huge step... but one worth taking. You will need to talk to him about going out, doing things on your own as well as with him, etc. It's a huge adjustment b/c you no longer have just yourslef to consider.
I had a really stressful engagement, too many reasons to bore you with. At one point we actually called it off and I returned the ring. Then a few weeks later we were like "Hello!!! We love each other the most! We have to be together". The first year of marriage we had some big arguments about money, household chores, the regular stuff. It was all part of the adjustment process and everyone goes through it. We have been married for 2 and 1/2 years now... not every day is great, but most of them are!
2007-04-14 23:49:14 · answer #3 · answered by anon 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've been dating him for 7 years.....that's quite a commitment...You say that he is special but you don't say you love him........Do you? Is it marriage that scares you or marriage to him?....The two of you have seven years invested in this relationship so I have to believe on some level that it's working for the two of you. If you're conflicted I suggest that you see a counselor to sort out your feelings about marriage and your special guy. He's waited on you for 7 years; I think he'll wait while you sort your feelings out and make sure that you can say "I do" without reservation
2007-04-15 00:03:25 · answer #4 · answered by sgc12 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think about it again. Are you thinking about backing out for the wrong reasons?
Fear is a natural thing for a huge decision in your life. Is it the fear of commitment?
You should sit down with your fiance and tell him how you feel. Discuss what if any differences there might be when you are married.
To me, if I am married, I believe that my husband should have his guys night and I can have my girls night out too. I don't drink or smoke and neither does he. We both have friends that I think we should still be able to do things with separately if we want. (I have a boyfriend) You should discuss these issues you are worried about, if you are honestly worried about those issues.
Seven years is a long time to be with one person. Is there really going to be much difference? Do you currently live together? What about finances? You should discuss those first if you don't already do so. What about children?
Just do not back out for the wrong reasons. If you love him and you want to spend the rest of your life with him, and you have good communication and can be honest with him, please work it out. Don't let a piece of paper and the word commitment scare you out of being with your soul mate. Best wishes to you.
2007-04-14 23:50:34 · answer #5 · answered by Stephanie F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After 7 years, I think it is time to make a decision. If he is so special to you as you say, why are you procrastinating? Why the fear of marriage? You are not being fair to your b/f. He wants to marry you and you have second thoughts? Well, then let the guy go, because it seems you haven't grown up yet and you still want to have fun. So, my advice is to say no, let him go and go on your way clubbing, bar hopping, with all your girlfriends till you grow up, but when you are grown up, your special B/F will have found happiness, marriage and babies. It is your choice, but be honest with yourself. Don't say yes because you think that is what he wants, because if you don't want the wedding, the house, the picket fence and kids, then please let the guy go so he can find his own happiness.
2007-04-15 20:34:02 · answer #6 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're having 2nd thoughts then you're not ready for marriage.
Marriage shouldn't stop you from going out and doing stuff but if there are any doubts in your mind then don't.
If you love and respect and trust one another then things should stay the way they are now and marriage should not change that.
However.....you have to be totally sure in your heart that you want to get married or it would not be fair to him or you.
Search your heart and you will know what is the right thing to do.
Good Luck.
2007-04-15 00:09:14 · answer #7 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you say yes at the time?
I don't know anyone who's gotten married and never had cold feet. It's a big commitment and it's totally normal for people to suddenly have a "holy crap, spend my WHOLE LIFE with this person?!" moment. Have you started planning the wedding yet? If not, I'd take it slow. Take some time to consider it and move forward when you feel more comfortable.
2007-04-14 23:44:47 · answer #8 · answered by some girl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about what marriage is like and see if you are on the same page. Hubby and I have our own separate fun sometimes (not cheating) and we go out together. But....you said he is special to you, but didn't say you loved him. What's up with that after 7 years?
2007-04-14 23:46:18 · answer #9 · answered by imgma2 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
really i think marriage is a more pyhscological concept. All it is is a piece of paper and a promise. It's no different to the set up of a relationship except spending a few thousand dollars! Don't stress but i'd let him know how you feel and work through it. Good luck.
2007-04-15 09:03:46 · answer #10 · answered by jolsbaby22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something is obviously stressing you out, so I would suggest you talk to him...If you have been with him for 7 years, and have been faithful to him for 7 years, what would marrying him do that would be different. All a marriage is is a title, It does nothing else.
2007-04-15 01:38:37 · answer #11 · answered by pestross 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋