am i being a spoiled brat?

Question

my fiance and i are thinking we're going to spend about $8500-$9000 on our wedding/reception...

my dad thinks we're spending outrageously- but we've told him we don't expect him to pay for it all, and that we're happy to receive whatever he wants to contribute, no matter the amount. we have no problem saving up and paying for any or all of our wedding, but my dad's pride will be hurt if he doesn't foot most of the bill. how do i make him feel differently? he's also worried about my fiance's parents feeling like they'll have to cover whatever he doesn't.

and are we really spending THAT much for a wedding? i thought the avg cost of a wedding was like $20,000+ or something?

i am saying that will be the ENTIRE cost of the WEDDING AND RECEPTION. thanks for calling me dumb though, "I r". i appreciate it.

Answer 1

If you can afford it, you can spend it. You are not responsible for your dad's feelings. He should contribute whatever he wants and leave the rest up to you. When you discuss the cost of the wedding and reception, remember to discuss how you expect to pay for it. "I've saved $4000 for this wedding already." or "I'm putting $200 per month aside for this wedding." Use whatever numbers make sense for your situation. That will let him know how much you are expecting him to contribute.

Also, someone else said that no one else needs to know how much he contributed...I would expand on that and say that only the contributor and the bride and groom need to know the amounts. If both sides of the family want to contribute, that's great. No one other than the bride and groom really need to know the cost of the wedding either.

And as far as the spoiled brat issue - only you know that. If you are spending more than you could possible afford and are expecting others to pick up the slack...yes, otherwise no you are not being a spoiled brat. Just make sure you have your priorities straight. (it sounds like you do)

Answer 2

If you and fiance are going to foot the bill ,
No , you are Not a spoiled brat .
Spoiled brat would plan whatever and expect someone else to pay .
Parents come from a different economy and many have difficulty with today's prices .
Some go into bad debt to pay for kids wedding that last only a day , then they have to use their retirement $$ to pay for it .
I do not think it is his pride but rather his fear of the consequences of spending so much $$$ on a 1 day party .
Many young married couples regret not saving the $$ for a house , paying off school loans or other stuff
And feel they went overboard .
But , if you are going to pay and are fully able to do that and pay for your own house (not going to ask dad to front $$ for that after you spend big on the party)
Then just tell dad in a written note , that you have considered the full , long term costs (including your future home) and have worked out your budget
AND that you and fiance will be able to pay for all that .
You just want him to walk you down the aisle !

Answer 3

Well, hopefully this will be your ONE and ONLY e\wedding. It is a day that you will remember for the rest of your life. It is your day! You should make your wedding day exaactly the way you want it....if you can afford it. Do not try to live beyond your means. If you can afford it, then go for it. But let your father know that this is somethign that you WANT to help with and that you do not want him to foot the whole bill. And your future in-laws do not need to know how much your father spent. If they want to contribute to the weeding and reception, tell them to pay what they can afford and that's it. But I can tell you from experience that you can have a truely beautiful wedding at a smaller price. You can find deals everywhere. And no one even has to know that it was "on sale" and anything. You can have a $5000 wedding that looks like you spent $10,000. It's all how you manage it. Remember, the less money you spend on the wedding.....the more you have for your honeymoon!!! That is where it really counts. Good luck and congratulations.

Answer 4

That is a bit much. You don't want to start off your marraige in debt. You also don't want either of your parents to get sent to the poor house either. I would suggest to sit down and decide what is the most important thing? You can have a very nice, beautiful wedding and not spend that much. Maybe you can shorten the guest list, or cut back on other things. Don't have an open bar, or just serve finger foods instead of complete meals. Have your flowers serve double duty (in the church and at the reception). Make decorations yourself, there are so many ways to cut down the cost, you just have to look. The most important thing to remember is why you are getting married in the first place. Sure you want to make it memorable.......it should be a time to celebrate, and it is going to be stressful enough. I say try to trim some of the fat off of it. In the long run, you'll be glad you didn't spend as much not only for your own financial state, but for that of your parents as well. I had a beautiful wedding with about 100 guests for $5000. There is no reason to pay big $$$ for stuff you can get much less that is just and wonderful. No one cares what brand this and that is, just that you are celebrating your love. I don't think $8000 is overboard, but make sure you keep to your budget. You will be happy that you did.

Answer 5

Pay no mind to the woman who called you dumb. Look at the way she writes. lol.

Personally, I think you are not being a brat at all, if anything you're being pretty reasonable in terms of pricing. And the average is over 20k. It's YOUR day. If you can afford it, help foot the bill so your father won't feel financially responsible. Your dad sounds like he's old school and really wants to stick to tradition. Maybe you can show him articles and stories of how people pay for weddings these days. In addition to that, remind him how much his pride will really hurt if his daughter does have a cheap wedding. People may not say anything, but they'll sure be thinking it. Maybe then he'll reconsider and agree to split the bill.

Answer 6

That doesnt sound totally unreasonable...I coordinate weddings for a living and I've done a lot for $3000, and I've done a lot for $20000. It really just depends on how creative you can be and how well you can work a budget. If you want to take the stress off of your dad think of constructive ways you can lower your budget. If you're having catering, consider having some of your friends or family cook the food. Or if you're looking to pay over $1000 on your gown, check out your other options...there are a lot of beautiful gowns out there for under $1000, one website is www.weddingsbybecky.com. Just look, there are a ton of places you can look.

I hope that helps you a little with your problem, good luck to you and have a wonderful wedding day!!

Answer 7

The average IS $20K, but it doesn't NEED to be. My husband and I had a VERY nice wedding for about $5000 and we paid for it entirely out of our own pockets.

You're right, your father is prideful, but he's also money-conscious and anxious that your ESTIMATE (because until all the checks are written out, that's exactly what it is...a guess) might run more than he could conceivably afford.

Give him time to settle down. Show him that you two ARE saving money to contribute to your wedding, and think about WHAT you're saying to him....wording can be just as important as intent. If he's interpreting your comments as demands, sure he's going to be a bit bent. Think things through before trying again. Or pare down your expenses (do you REALLY need 300 guests or a limo or whatever the BIG expense is?).

Answer 8

You are definatly not being a brat. You are right that the average wedding costs somewhere around $20,000. The amount you're planning to spend, if that is for the whole wedding, is actually very good. Thats about how much i'm spending on mine and i'm paying for everything myself. Nobody has asked us how much anything costs (except my mom because she wanted to pay for a couple specific things, like the cake). We are telling everyone that we're paying for everything ourselves, and if someone (like my mom) decides to contribute, we don't tell anyone. I suggest you do the same so that nobody feels guilted into paying for anything.

Congrats on planning a wedding inexpensively and responsibly!

Answer 9

I don't think that is a lot at all. What you could do is pay for a few things by yourself and then give him the balance. Or you could just set up a wedding checking account and take everything out of that. My fiance and I are paying for most everything but our parents are both pitching in with what they want to pay for. You can't make him feel differently if something is already paid for though, he can't pay for it twice.

Answer 10

8500 should be fairly nice, the 20,000 comes from the fact that there are a few people who can and do afford million dollar weddings. Those people probably are not you.

If you're wanting to let your dad pay. Tell him he can pay as much as he wants/can afford and you and your fiance will cover the rest. You could also opt for a cheaper wedding mine will be about 5k