self forgiveness?

Question

hi,

i was wondering if anyone could help me. Basically I have trouble forgiving myself for my past. I led a very reckless lifestyle and did myself a lot of damage.

i stopped doing it and cleaned up my act about 2 years ago and try (often unsuccessfully!!) to be a good person every day. but i can't forgive myself for the damage i did to my body and the worry i caused my parents. i have lots of issues with guilt, how can i forgive myself?

thanks

Answer 1

Well for a start stop thinking about YOU.... Why not get on with the rest of your life. Put something back into the lives of the people that love and support you ........

Answer 2

Have you talked to your parents? Try asking them for forgiveness. It might be easier for you to write a letter to them.

You might consider a self-help book. If you're Christian "The Road Less Travelled" by M. Scott Peck is good. I'm not a Christian and I would recommend any book that deals with resolving past guilt. Also consider counselling to help you over the hump and to give you coping techniques for when you find yourself in an endless loop of guilt.

It would be good if you could find a way to "put back" into society. If you're male, Big Brothers/Big Sisters is always short males. You could spend the time you now spend "feeling badly" into doing something to help a young boy. You'd have a lot to say to them because you really have been there.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Colejoe, we *all* try, sometimes unsuccessfully, to be good people every day. A line from Batman Begins, of all places, comes to mind. Bruce Wayne's father says to Bruce "Why do we fall?" (he had fallen down a well) Then he answers his own question "So we can learn to pick ourselves up again". You are learning to pick yourself up again. Have you tried a 12 step program such as AA, NA, or whatever fits your situation? The
12 steps are a process, that is not only about getting cleaned up, but also how to go about making amends, how to ask forgiveness, and how to forgive ourselves. They are difficult, but I know a good many people swear by them. (not in such a program myself, but know others) 2 Years is a relatively short time in recovery, really. If you are in a program, work your program, and if not, consider looking in to one, where you can have help from others supporting you through the steps.
Do look at all you have accomplished in 2 years, and your decision to change your life, and understand that you are worthy of forgivness, and especially of yourself. If the notion of a 12 step "Higher Power" gives you the willies, one of the people I know, decided that a glass egg was his higher power for awhile, no one forced him to relate to the higher power as a God, Higher Power can also be a name for your Higher Self. When he was done with the glass egg, he passed in on to someone else, after it rode around in his pocket a couple years...

Answer 4

Hi colejoe7...i know exactly what you mean. God forgives us, our friends and family forgive us but when it comes to ourselves we can't seem to let ourselves off the hook as they say...you have some good answers here and i hope one of them will lead you to the peace you seek...maybe a way to thank your parents would be just staying well in spirit soul and body, i'm sure they love you very much and are just happy to have you back from the place you were in...forgiving ourselves is sometimes a process, one step at a time, we do get better with practise...maybe you could reach out and make a difference in someone else's life, i'm sure with all you've learnt you could pass it on...a 12 step programme worked for me, CODA was part of my healing process..whatever you decide i wish you all the very best, and remember there is a pathway to healing with your name on it, i pray you find it soon...Shalom~~

Answer 5

Well God is the best healer. In the Bible God is referred to as Jehovah Rapha, which means the God who heals. He is first called this when He heals bitterness. And that is what this is.

All you have to do is really reconcile with yourself and the people you have hurt. And if you will believe me, God. I have seen from your other questions that you are not a Christian so you might not want to talk to God about it but I believe it is the best way. I've done some horrible things to people, things that just ate away at me for months on end without stopping. It was hard. But if you just step out of your comfort zone and really hand your troubles over to God He will heal you, I have doubted God, yes but I have spoken to Him and He has restored me.

The Bible says: 'Lay all of your burdens at the foot of the cross' Jesus died to take away your sins, He took them into Himself and died with them, for the ones before He died, while He was dying, and for the whole of eternity.

But if you talk to God He will help you if you are sincere. There is no other, 'sure fire' way. But if you find it difficult I recommend just going on iTunes or where ever you get music from and buying or listening to some songs by Matt Redman, they really helped me and hopefully will help you as well and I hope that you will be able to forgive yourself.

Answer 6

The past is the past and if you dwell on it, it could come back to haunt you.

You have pulled your life back together and are doing so well by the sound of it.

If you have asked for your parents forgiveness move on, I'm sure they have put it behind them and it would be a good idea for you to do the same. Until you can forgive yourself you can't truely move on. Good luck xx

Answer 7

I can't imagine doing something so horrible you can't forgive yourself for... you speak of causing yourself pain,,, we've all been there you talk about causing your parents pain we've all been there too.. you didn't murder anyone... you are still alive.. you have nothing to feel guilty about... you probably wasn't as bad as you think.... the past is something we are meant to learn from... I have a 21 yr old son.. I worry which is probably the worse you've done to your parents make them worry... but it's natural.. parents don't let go as they should.. anyway here's my son's wisdom to carry with you...

Wisdom comes from experience which comes from knowlege wich comes from bad experience....

be good to yourself... that's what good people forget to do...

Answer 8

I'd check out www.facade.com . It's not the best site for counselling but if you believe in the stars the answers you need are contained within this site. I think it will take you on a necessary journey through the wisdom of the cards. Good luck. Lighten up!

Answer 9

Perhaps if you make a point of proving to yourself that you have turned 'that corner' on a daily basis - simply by offering a smile to somebody as they pass you - no more no less than a smile - in turn that person receives it and hopefully it will make there day knowing that somebody they did not know smiled at them. You will feel good to knowing that and day by day you will realise that you are now on a good road and I often say, 'you have to go through it to come out of it' and you for sure have come out of it because you reconize yourself that you have - come out of denial and its onwards and upwards for you now. Good Luck and SMILE!

Answer 10

Forgiving yourself is one of the most difficult things anyone can do. But it is necessary in order to relieve yourself of the burdens of the past. God will forgive you, so why not forgive yourself.