Back to the gym joke poem, please rate 1 - 10 1 being the worst?

Question

As I go back to the gym
It's been a while, I'm back again
I think I'd better start out slow
I start to jog, its turned down low

Then some woman starts a pace
Like somehow she wants to race
With all my male testosterone
I start to run, but soon do groan

That male pride got the best of me
That men should win, as it should be
I quess nobody told her that
I backed it down, but did burn fat

She turned her head and gave a grin
I nodded back that she did win
Hey I said, its been a while
She saw my gut and then did smile

I think I'll try and squat some steal
But halfway up, my knees do keal
Then someones says, try this machine
They just got done, and wiped it clean

I do some reps and feel real proud
I grunted low, then grunted loud
Then that same girl reaches in a bin
And says, if you want weight you need this pin

Answer 1

7.5

Answer 2

5/10

Answer 3

Not so good.

First, the subject is kind of old and it's been done before. Second, you seem to be kinda straining to get the right number of syllables in each line ("I start to run, but soon do groan" ... the "do" doesn't accomplish anything but take up space.)

The last two lines have two many syllables, as well.

Plus, you could try varying the rhyme scheme. The plain old AABB gets boring after a while.

Please take these suggestions constructively, and keep writing.

Answer 4

This is an outstanding poem. I adore it. It holds heartrending fact in it. I supply it a one hundred out of ten. I'm going over the dimensions in this one. I'm sorry I could not hold it inside it regardless that. Not many folks can write poems like this. Good task, I wish to learn extra you probably have any.

Answer 5

I agree with Jackalan... that you are straining with the meter. But this is a good start! Keep writing. Learn how to spell "steel" (the spell-checker won't catch that one.) I'll give it 6 out of 10,

Answer 6

Loved it! 8/10!
Have a star!

Answer 7

Meh, not bad

Answer 8

that sux ***