What to do about my rude Father?

Question

He's driving me nuts with these stupid jokes about mentally ill people! I'm tired of it because we both know my mother is mentally ill and she can't help it! Or when he makes fun of the mentally retarded and my friend is very sensitive to that subject because she was friends with some mentally retarded people whom died just a few years ago! He even thought my mother shouldn't share her stuff with her friends that are also checked into the health clinic she's at because he thinks they're steal it! I'm sick of him thinking so downward at people for dumb reasons! What can I say to get him to stop because I'm afraid of what he'll do if I talk back at him because he's very temperamental

Answer 1

I can understand your frustration with your dad. But have you thought that maybe joking is his way of dealing with the stress of your mom's illness? It is not fair for him to unload these feelings on you, disguised as jokes, but he may not have anyone else he feels he can talk so freely with?

You have to discuss this with him, remaining respectful at all times of the fact that he is your father and you love him. And remind him that you respect and love him all the while you talk to him.

It might be helpful if you first wrote it all down in a letter addressed to him. Sometimes just seeing the words written before we talk to the person helps us gather our thoughts, even if we never show them the letter.

But if you DO give him the letter first, be sure and proofread it several times before you give it to him, being sure that your tone sounds respectful in the letter. Also, many people often find it easier to write "I love you" than to say it in person, which may be another reason why writing a letter and showing it to him is the better way to go before the discussion.

In your letter stick to the main points and do not stray off the topic. You love him and respect him and do not want to hurt his feeling in any way, but you have to make him realize something from your point of view. You understand that he is upset with your mom's illness, but his joking about her to you hurts you very much, as you are her daughter, too. You understand he has these emotional needs, but it is not fair that he unburdens them on you, his child. Maybe he can talk about these things to his sisters (cousin, mother, brother, friend--whoever...name the persons he is closest with). Remind him again that you love him but you also love your mother and you know he can understand. At the end of the letter you can mention that you would like to sit down and talk about this to him calmly, if he wants to.

Answer 2

I feel sorry for what your father is going to get for doing that. That is something you should never do and life will pay you back for that. There is no escape. I once made fun of some retarded kids on t.v. and when I tried to raise up I was paralyzed and could not sit up for a while. I was able to get up after a while. I will never make fun of someone like that ever again. Life will strike you down for doing that. Don't ask me what happened. All I know is I was paralyzed for a few minutes and could not function right after making fun of some retarded kids on t.v. I have not been paralyzed in my life but that moment so I know something was trying to prove a point that was well made. Warn your dad of this. I swear this is the truth. That will come back on him.

Answer 3

It is not your place to to stop him, and in any event, the notion that you can control someone else's behavior is silly.

Warn your friends in advance, avoid mixing sensitive company with him, and tell him nicely that it isn't done anymore and people are shocked and upset by what he says. It probably won't do any good, but you'll have done your duty.

Then forget about it. I'm sure he has watched enough television to know and he probably has some feelings of abandonment and of being short-changed by your mother's illness. Keep that in mind, and change the subject.

What else would you do?

Answer 4

Just love your dad hon. You sound like you understand him and know this, he may not be the most sensitive man alive but he supports you and your mom and you sound so bright and sensitive that he raised a really cool kid. You cansupport your mom and be more sensitive to her needs. You can and are making a difference and God sees that so do I. If your dad has a calm moment compliment him for being the best dad to your mom and tell him you know he really is a nicer man than some of his comments come off!

Answer 5

tell him he's a grown man and shouldnt be so disrespectful of your mother and other people. Let him know that its hard to have a wife like that, but you shouldnt make fun of this. What a bastard he is for behaving so immaturely. dont talk back. Just get it all out in one voice and walk away. And dont yell at him..make yourself seem strong and its just common sense!

Answer 6

I'm sorry as long as he thinks it's funny he won't stop you can tell him it hurts peoples feelings to say things like that but you said your mother is ill i'm sorry that dont stop him then he won't

Answer 7

you say"dad ok stop with the jokes their not funny their disrespetful and i don't like it, people who are mentally retarded can't help it and if you make fun of them so much why did you marry mom??? can you please stop i would respet that very much"!!!!!!

Answer 8

tell him your tired of hearing this stuff, it's does't make you happy at all.

and if that doesn't work, ask if he's sure he's not mentaly ill

Answer 9

is he good or bad?

if he is bad, stay away from him

if he is good , then just tell him and ask for help if you want it

Answer 10

Swap him swilly