Ungrateful daughter who is being a BRIDEZILLA…. I'm not paying for her wedding?

Question

She refuses to carry on the tradition to wear my wedding dress. It's customary the daughter wears her mothers dress.

What can I do to convince her to wear it? It's gorgeous beyond belief!

http://www.ruggedelegantliving.com/a/images/Gretzky.1988.Wedding.jpg

Answer 1

I do have a couple of suggestions for you. You could have your dress disassembled and reworked into a style that your daughter likes. There is a tailor shop in St. Paul, Minnesota which advertises doing this, and has had great success. They have published before and after pictures in their ads.
I have also heard of taking a wedding dress and having it remade into one or more christening gowns for a daughter's children.
Another possibility is having the gown made into a quilt for your daughter.
I think that there are posibilities which can make both of you happy if you give the matter some thought.
Relax and enjoy your daughter's wedding.

Answer 2

While I am sure that you love that dress, (otherwise you would have refused to wear it), it sounds like your daughter simply has a unique taste. She probably thinks of wearing a passed-down dress as an old-fashioned tradition.

Nearly every bride transforms into a "bridezilla" around the big day, but blackmailing her will NOT help. By sabotaging her big day and withdrawing financial help, she may not ever forgive you. Just remember that you love your daughter more than the dress, and while you might want to see your dress go down the aisle again, consider letting her make her own choice.

Also, since most mothers want to hay SOME say in their daughter's wedding, perhaps instead of helping with her dress, try focusing on another aspect, like the flowers or the catering. The most important thing to remember though, is that your daughter is only acting up because of stress, and after the wedding she should be completely back to normal.

Answer 3

Well I am sure it is a beautiful dress. I feel sad that the wedding is already having stress and conflict. You should want your daughter to have everything JUST the way she wants it on her wedding and the younger generation has different ideas about tradition. I know it must be difficult for you especially if you are paying. Maybe you can say ok if you wont wear this, then you need to pay for the different one? Can you arrange a quiet discussion with her, saying you want this to turn around and be a wonderful time so how can the BOTH of you make this happen. ?? Tell her years from now, you both will want to look back and smile at the memories, not remember arguing. Ask for her help. Make this discussion at a time when she isnt upset! Meanwhile congratulations for your daughter finding a husband so she will move out if she already hasnt.

Answer 4

how can you say it is a tradition if you say she refuses to wear your wedding dress . Now if you had said she refuses to wear her great great great great... grandmothers dress there you would have a tradition. Wow you are not paying for her wedding how does that make her ungrateful and a bridezilla she is saving you a huge amount of money . Maybe she is not letting you pay for the wedding because she feels so grateful for all the years you took care of her and didnt want to add to your financial burden.
I had a look to see the dress in question just an opinion maybe she is making the right decision beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. It is beyond belief that you find that dress gorgeous and want to convince her to wear it . sorry im on her side in this

Answer 5

It is a lovely dress, but if you'll excuse me, an example of its time.

It is sometimes tradition to wear your mother's wedding dress, but did you wear your mother's dress?

Often, dresses do not age well and unless they are very simple, just do not keep in fashion (or have time to come round again) for the next generation when they're getting married. Try not to be so harsh on her. She may want to choose her own dress so it can be a sign of her individuality.

Don't use a threat of not paying for the wedding as blackmail. While I can understand that you're upset, she may very well say in that case that she doesn't want you there, and that wouldn't be good for anybody.

She would appreciate it much more and you would both get on much better if you decided either on a fixed amount you would give towards the cost of the wedding, or decided on specific things you'd pay for.

Answer 6

Was that a picture of Jennifer Jones and that hockey player? Is that the dress you wore? What sort of tradition is this? How did you feel when YOUR mother made you wear HER dress? A little resentful, maybe? This is your DAUGHTER'S day-her day to shine, and choose whatever wedding dress she thinks is beautiful. Please cut your daughter some slack here. Try to put yourself in her position. It sounds as if this is a very important tradition for you and your family, and I am sorry she refuses to wear *the dress*- but ultimately, she needs to choose what to wear. If you are still convinced she must wear this dress or you're not paying for her wedding, this could really damage your relationship with your daughter in the long run. Is it really worth it to have a feud with your daughter over a DRESS?

Answer 7

Not to burst your bubble, the dress is lovely but totally out of style. Wedding gowns are simpler, more classic and with not all that fru fru. What you consider georgeous beyond belief, may not be your daughter's taste. Why are you being so unreasonable for a silly thing like your daughter wearing your wedding dress? Why start a fight for something so insignificant as her wearing your wedding dress? It is her wedding day and she should have the right to chose the dress of her dreams, as you chose your dream dress in the 80's. So as one mother to another, my humble advice to you would be to let that tradition go, and keep the most important thing and that is the love and communication going between you and your daughter and not let a wedding gown get in the way of a beautiful memorable day for your daughter, you and your husband and family. Let it go.

Answer 8

That dress may have been the highest fashion when you were married but times have changed, and so have traditions, perhaps you could compromise. If you want her to wear that dress for sentimental reasons then let her take it to a tailor and design something her own style using the dress, then her daughter can do the same and you can start your own tradition together. You are being a little ridiculous. Don't you love your daughter more than the dress? And isn't her happiness more important than yours? Just something to think about.......

Answer 9

All though your dress is beautiful, it is your daughter wedding day.The dress may not be her style.What would you do if the dress did not fit her? How would she wear it then? Please don't let this come between you and your daughter.Did you wear your mother's wedding gown? Your daughter has the right to have her own gown as long as there is money for one.I know that maybe you feel like you want to start a tradition that all your daughters wed in your gown but you choose your gown , don't deny her from choosing her gown.There are more important things in life to worry about.

Answer 10

OMG! that dress is hideous beyond belief! i would pay you so i didnt have to wear it r u kidding its from 1980! and its not customary for the daughter to wear her moms dress. otherwise i would be wearing a beige silk slipdress in december. dont pay for her wedding then! im sure she would be happy she at least would not have to wear that dress. and shes not being ungrateful or a bridezilla! she just wants to look nice and i dont blame her.