A couple of decades ago, I was bullied by family members to place my child up for adoption. I decided 10 years ago, not to seek him out, but did place a release of records in his adoption folder. Out of the blue, I received a call on my answering machine from my child's father after no contact since the papers were signed. While checking on info before calling him back, I came across my biological son's web site. There is absolutely no question that this is my son, now grown, based not only on the facts on his web page, but also his photo. He looks like me.
I know that male adoptees tend not to seek out their birthparents, so I'm not sure what, if anything, I should do. I am satisfied that he had a good life. I have no desire to interfere in his life, but on the other hand, I'd like him to know that he wasn't just abandoned. If you are a male adoptee, what would be your thoughts on this? He is only an email away, yet I don't want to let the genie out of the bottle.
2007-04-14 07:54:41 · 8 answers · asked by TotalRecipeHound 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yes, he knows he is adopted. He has that info on his web page. What I can't tell is if he wants to be contacted.
2007-04-14 08:14:50 · update #1
I am a male adoptee, and I have no interest in seeking out my birth mother because I understand that for what ever reason, she gave me up.
It Really doesn't matter what the reason is, I certainly am content with my adoptive parents who I see as my real parents.
She may be good or bad, however, I often think that she was something weak or that she had emotional problems, because she did give up her child.
I'd really rather not put a face to that image, and often felt when I grew up that if she really wanted to see me she would find me not the other way round.
2007-04-21 07:47:43 · answer #1 · answered by Boston Bluefish 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was adopted, I always wondered about my birth mum, and for several different reasons it was a very long time before I plucked up the courage to actively find her. She is an old lady now, and I am so glad that I did seek her out, as is she! I also have a wonderfull sister who I would never have known otherwise. My birth mum say"s she wishes she had had contact with me years ago, but it was fated the way it all happened for me. I don't think we all, whether male or female feel the same about having contact, so if you say your son looks like you, then perhaps he is like you in other way"s too, and like you would like to get to know you! You don't have anything really to lose by sending him an e mail asking if he would like to contact you- I hope for a positive answer for you, god bless you.
2007-04-22 05:17:04 · answer #2 · answered by June S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think all adoptees feel "abandoned"! There are MANY reasons why a birth mother may give a child up for adoption, and quite a few are very good ones.
Are you interested in possibly contacting him for his or your own benefit? This is not intended to be a sarcastic question. I feel it is important to know before you make a decision on whether or not to pursue contact. But I do understand your curiosity and passion.
2007-04-14 08:04:21 · answer #3 · answered by americansneedtowakeup 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please contact him. I'd give my left arm to have either one of my first parents contact me. You are correct that not as many male adoptees search as us female adoptees, but I do know more than a few male adoptees who have searched for years to find their parents.
He may be going through the same thing; wanting to seach for you, but being afraid to impose on your life. That's the type of nonsense we are bombarded with. Be a good little adoptee and leave your 'birthparents' alone. But in our hearts, the are not 'birthparents' - they are our parents.
I can't tell you how he'll react. I can't say that he's been searching for you, or that he will not want contact, but you won't know unless you try.
If you decide to contact him, I am holding all the hope in my heart this leads to a reunion. Best wishes, honestly.
2007-04-14 12:32:33 · answer #4 · answered by Theresa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Send him an email and tell him who you are and tell him you will leave it up to him what the next move will be.
2007-04-22 03:12:58 · answer #5 · answered by me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
UNLESS IT SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT HIM WANTING TO KNOW WHO HIS BIRTH PARETNS ARE, I'D LEAVE IT ALONE. HE MIGHT NOT KNOW THE TRUTH.
2007-04-14 08:10:16 · answer #6 · answered by kimandkaitlyn2005 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send me an e-mail. Do you want me to ask him if he'd want to meet you?
2007-04-14 07:59:21 · answer #7 · answered by Moral Orel 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
talk to him. tell him that u are so proud of him. lethim know what ugave him up.
2007-04-22 06:34:56 · answer #8 · answered by zoey_hhs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋