I found out when I was 31 that the man who I thought was my Father wasn't! Turns out the man who is my father was married at the time and having an affair with my mother. He came around for 5 yrs then went back to his married life as though I never exsisted. I am now 40 and this has been eating at me for 9 years, what is my background, what does he look like.
He is alive and well and only about 10 miles from my house.
My mother told me he was a "jerk" and very self centered. His wife now was the wife 40 years ago when he was having an affair with my mother.
She told me he never paid a dime in child support and she didn't ask for it. She also listed her husband which I thought was my father on my birth certificate. My mother died in 1999 and she told me to contact him and make him pay she had alot of suppressed anger towards him.
I wrote a him a letter but haven't mailed it yet. Any advice? I am so scared of the outcome.
Help....
2007-04-14 07:10:26 · 8 answers · asked by BLUEAB 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If you feel in your heart that you want to contact him,then go for it.Go into it with an opened mind and think positive thoughts.Also take note that it may not go the way you want it to.Make sure you are ready for the best and the worst.If you feel you are ready for it after that,then like i said go for it.At least then you will have peace of mind knowing you followed through.If you don't do it,it will probably keep eating at you,since it has been for nine yrs. now.Good luck.God bless the both of you!
2007-04-14 08:54:36 · answer #1 · answered by jagette2007 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly where your coming from. My father was married to another women when he and my mother conceived me. He took off and went back to his wife as well.
I have never known him, but I found out where he lives and tried to make contact by phone, and was completly rejected. I am now 34 and have to live with all the questions and wonder what he looks like, I have alot of issues about it. What I'm trying to say is that don't have any expectations of your father. If he ends up contacting you after he gets your letter than thats a wonderful thing. But if it doesn't happen you have to think about how you are going to feel for the rest of your life. I know what it feels like to have your own flesh and blood deny you as if you were a dog on the side of the road. Its actually harder to deal with than your first real love. It has made me into a vary pesimistic, angry individual to be honest. I am now 34 and it pisses me off that I can't let go. I am not trying to scare you out of it, everyone has their own way of dealing with things and you may be a stronger person than myself. So what ever you do, good luck to you and I truly hope your outcome is positve!
2007-04-14 16:00:28 · answer #2 · answered by desi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm on the opposite end. I'm a birthmother and just found my son's webpage by accident this week. I'm now trying to figure out if he wants contact.
I know reunions don't always turn out well. In your particular circumstances, I would personally recommend an intermediary contact him for you. He may not want contact or he may be willing to answer all your questions. He might need to stew about it for awhile.
As far as the birth certificate, the law requires that your Mom list her husband as father whether he was biologically or not. That is still true throughout the US.
2007-04-14 08:31:13 · answer #3 · answered by TotalRecipeHound 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep communication on a good note. Despite your mothers anger, it did take two to tango way back when the affair was going on. Mail your letter and see what happens.
2007-04-14 07:17:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try to contact him. There are always two sides to every story. I think you are lucky that you can even contact him. I haven't seen my father since I was 13 (I'm now 25). I have no idea where he is at and even though my mom hates him I still wish I could at least talk to him.
2007-04-14 07:29:10 · answer #5 · answered by Not your average mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow....It appears like you've a complicated determination to make. in basic terms from my personal adventure that I truly have lengthy handed by ability of with my father i ought to assert you ought to make some attempt to discover the daddy. Is it your resbonsiblty in some strategies definite and no. My mom did each little thing could ought to to keep me faraway from my real father. yet you spot the undying connection between a father and a son can in no way be damaged. And what I mean is that I in no way held any bitternes in route of my father for no longer making extra of an attempt to be in my life. no count number what ensue between my mom and my father it did not substitute the undeniable truth that i had to entice close who i replaced into and the position I got here from. some human beings would no longer agree yet you spot forgivenss is complicated to over some and to extremely forgive and in no way carry to to anger or bitterness will lead you to uncontinally love decrease back. your son is 11 and that i understand deep interior him he needs to entice close who's his real father. No offense to the step dad. i really did not like my step father yet I realized to love him as I were given older and realized how a lot he meant to be in my life. extra acceptable to help your son search out his bio-logical then avert him from understanding him. yet as well be careful because your son needs to absolutely comprehend what ensue between you and your ex husband. I propose also speaking at the same time with your husband now and ask his opinion as well. comprehend that your son needs to entice close who his bio-logical father is and this isn't a nasty project. in basic terms be very careful the in the way you flow about it. in case you discover him do no longer contain your son first. Meet with him at the same time at the same time with your husband and communicate with the bio-logical father about his son.. in case you want extra element please ask i will help..
2016-12-04 00:52:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It appears you have a need to contact him and find some answers. You need to be prepared he may not be as keen as you to be in contact, particularly if it means he has to answer some difficult questions to people in his life. I wish you luck and I hope things work out as you'd like.
2007-04-14 07:16:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please contact him, and have an open mind when you do talk to him. He may or may not be willing to talk but you have to try.
2007-04-14 15:26:51 · answer #8 · answered by stepintostep 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋