Why would a woman tolerate a man living with her without a commitment?

Question

I don't get it, why do women tolerate men when the man has all the perks of marriage, why get married when living with someone? there's no point.

Answer 1

You make it sound like a woman actually benefits from marriage. Maybe she's the one with the commitment issues.

Answer 2

I think that there could be many reasons:
1. She has no clue how a real relationship feels/looks like and she feels satisfied with what she has.
2. There are so many different mind games we all play. Living with someone could satisfy many needs; company, sex, support (financial, emotional), without feeling the pressure of being under a "contract." Aside from the fact that kids can be born in this circumstances where the relationship many times has no deepness, there isn't really nothing wrong. Not all relationships of this kind are the same, just like marriages, some are intense and intoxicating, some are harmonious.
3. Not all men are the same, just like not all women are either. There are good guys out there who see a relationship just the what it is, a two sided committed agreement where there is honor and dignity. Getting married doesn't make someone faithful, it's your heart and your who keeps you honest.
4. Fear. Our present world is changing. We are all more open to uncover what is going on in secret. Religious people are exposed, politicians, cops and so on to reveal the truth that we all have the same capacity to do evil and no matter who you marry, you are still flipping a coin. A marriage certificate changes your expectations, when there are no expectations, there are no dissapoitments (or so we want to believe).
I believe that a better question should be, why do both men and women put up with a toxic relationship whether it is as married or non-married couple? There has to be a change of heart, certain behaviors should not be tolerated no matter what. Lack of ownership of the pain we cause to "our loved ones" (are we really loving them when we hurt them?) is one of them.

Answer 3

Some people believe you can have a commitment without a marriage certificate. Some women don't want to get married and combine finances with their men. I think if a woman wants a commitment, she should wait for a ring before moving in with her man. I would not live with a man until we were married.

Answer 4

Living with each other IS a commitment.

We have lived together for almost four years. We share a bank account (which means my money pays his bills, and his money pays my bills). That's a commitment. We buy groceries together. We have utilities together. We rely on each other to keep the apartment tidy. That's a commitment to each other.

You forget that a woman gets all of the perks of a marriage as well. It's not like women are just handing men everything without getting something in return. My man isn't using me for anything, and I'm not using him. Our decision was mutual. Our love is mutual. Our respect is mutual. Our commitment is mutual.

Marriage is merely a legal recognition of the commitment we've already made to each other.

EDIT: Wanted to add one other point. I lived with my last boyfriend. We were together for three and a half years. Had we not lived together, we probably would have stayed together longer, and it would have been a major mistake in our lives. Living together provided us with the insight that we were not in a healthy relationship. So, we ended it.

My current relationship has flourished BECAUSE we live together. We are both mature enough to handle it. We don't need marriage licenses to tell us that we are committed to each other. If we aren't committed to each other now, why would marriage make it any different?

Answer 5

Well first of all WHY get married??? Maybe women are tired of getting the SHAFT after a divorce. Unless you have kids the man usually ends up closing the checking account the day before he tells you he wants out of the relationship. Hey marriage can be good but look around divorce is the hot thing today. So the h*** with marriage. I say live with them at least until you catch him cheating or you get tired of picking up his shorts. And commitment??? Americans are committed only to the DOLLAR these days.

Answer 6

Its called "co-dependancy" I was in this state for about 4 yrs, putting up w/ the "I'm going to marry you" lie. I had little to no self esteem at the time. The man, erh..boy I was with was emotionally, physically, verbally abusive to me and I thought I couldn't do any better than what I had. I finally woke up one day though thanks to someone who showed me that I was worth something. From the guy's perspective he has it all,but you're not looking at the spiritual point. Shacking up is not the same as marriage. Marriage is a commitment you and your partner make within the sight of God...Keep that in mind.

Answer 7

i had a bad marriage the first time my husband at that time changed when we lived together and after the marriage...... now 7 years later i live with my fiance... and would never be married without first living together to see if we can actually live in peace side by side a and get along ok.... he agree and we do have a wedding date set and have been planning we are both looking forward to it.... we both wanted tohave sort of a try before you buy period... lol and it seems to have worked we will havebeen together for 2 solid years when we get married and lived together for 18months of that

Answer 8

Well sometimes it's because they themselves don't want the commitment. But other times it's because they're gotten wrapped up in a relationship where they're head over heels and he's not, but they don't want to let him go. Dr.Phil said that women who want to get married are fooling themselves if they operate completely as a wife without being a wife and expect to for the guy to come to a spontaneous decision to marry. You got to put your foot down and move out, and if he doesn't want to marry and doesn't come after you.. well better to know now then 20 years from now.

Answer 9

Speaking generally about the women I know who have done this/are doing this:
They think their men have "potential" and are willing to invest in him, because they are sure he is going to change.
They see the man as the man of their dreams - and not as they really are.

Answer 10

Low self-esteem. They either think they don't deserve to be treated with respect, or have sold their soul to the "feminists" and believe they don't need to be married because they're independent.