I want to start a religion but all the good ideas seem to be taken. Can you help me?

Question

I've already decided that humans were put on earth by intelligent goldfish from Mars and that eating tofu or being left-handed are mortal sins. But should my religion have many gods, or just one god? What about some ceremonies that everyone needs to do? I definately need some more sins and rules though. Could you help me? I could include you in as some kind of saint or sub-god or something.

lilGONZO - you get to be the god of laziness

23 - you can be the god of spittle

ari - you can be 23's hermorphodite servant

mariselasman - you can be lord of the sewers and in charge of searching for live goldfish accidently flushed down the toilt

Nemesis - you are obviously the god of wisdom and are responsible for brewing beer for the gods and teaching others

White wolf - congratulations, you get to be Great Prophet Ignatz the Fourteenth. But you also have to write the book.

Danny Gringo - You can be the messiah and Auntyb93 can be your mother. I'll have to think about the book

I better wait until I'm done receiving responses and I will decide the new religion. and I'll give more details later. You're all welcome to join. It really needs a name though.

Answer 1

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invisible_Pink_Unicorn

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gee thanks. you get to be the god of *******....
ask a stupid question.. expect stupid answers.

Answer 2

Many god religions are more fun I think, because then you can have sects that worship only the God of foot-odour, or the God of self-delusionment for example.

Also this gives you more opportunity to create ceremonies, like on the day of worship of the God of comedy surnames, everyone has to look through the phone book and call up people called things like Dixon-Cox (I actually know someone with this surname) and laugh at them.

Other sins should be having an annoying laugh, and using low-fat butter. Oh and talking too loud on your mobile (or cell phone if you prefer) on trains, especially when it just makes it patently obvious to everyone else that you have the dullest life ever, as you are explaining in extreme detail to your husband everything you have eaten today. Poor man. Sorry I digress...

And also you need a God of spiders... for after the goldfish they are the most intelligent beings in the universe.

Answer 3

First of all, you can stop wanting to start a new religion. You already have. The only requirement that remains is for you to be religious about your beliefs. That means you can't change you mind about any of the things you have said. Although you can create contradictions, hipocracies and oxymorons. Infact you probably should, just so that noone can take over your job until you let them.
The only other thing left to do is give your religion a name. Any ideas? you could make that a separate Y!A question, if you need a hand.
If you are religious about your beliefs, and express them regularly, you will eventually find people who agree with you. They can be your sect, with you as leader, and when the second coming of Martian Goldfish comes, you and your followers will be the chosen ones, supreme rulers of the solar system.
Good luck. May the spirit of the gas pond be with you, Oh great Fin-man.

Answer 4

I have just started a religion. It's called the Unilateral Hedonists. The basics of the religion are that you must walk unilaterally at all times - that means right foot forward right arm forward together, then left foot left arm together - and you must worship at the altar of the techno-blaring loudspeaker every Friday/Saturday night. People with brown eyes are not allowed as brown represents faecal matter. The symbol for this religion is not a cross or a crescent or a star, it is a spatula. I haven't worked out the spatula rituals yet, but was thinking they could feature worshippers standing in a circle and slapping the head of the person to their right with their spatula repeatedly whilst chanting...

With this spatula I slap your head
With this spatula I give you eternal wisdom
Holy Spatula
King of all kitchen utensils
To you we are eternally thankful
Amen

Needs some work, but I think I may be on to something.

Answer 5

How about a religion that makes even thinking about war a mortal sin punished by banishment to the farhtest ends of known human existance? Also, one which honors the fact that men and women are attracted to one another and that natural sex is beautiful and natural and independent of any contract or commitment among adults, but that once one is old enough and truly 'committed' one behaves accordingly afterwards. One that does not worship capitalism and the almighty dollar would also be welcome. One that seeks to make each person a worthwhile contributing member of sociey while lifting up those who are too disadvantaged or feeble to help themselves. I don't want to be a saint, but would be a member of such with or without images.
But then there are a couple of religions that almost fit that bill now......... (and I am a member of one of them)

Answer 6

I thought about starting my own cult where I would convince people I was the Great Prophet Ignatz the Fourteenth, sent by intelligent squid from Neptune to bring enlightenment to Earth. The only true way to enlightenment, according to the Great Slimy Squid-Faced God is to give me all your money, then hit yourself repeatedly over the head with a railroad tie until you pass out and can't remember that you gave me all your money.

Answer 7

It's a sin to: Work more than one day a week.
It's a sin to: Eat dirt
It's a sin to Fart quietly (MUST be a loud brapper)
It's a sin to NOT eat pizza crusts

Your religion should have at least one god, and your god can create gods every time a new and improved marketable item is discovered on TV. There can be a god for that stuff that gets rid of scratches on your glasses, a god for that stuff that you can make your tires clean in a jiffy, etc.

Answer 8

It should have one main god, and then some other lesser gods. The lesser gods all try to keep the main god from accidentally wiping out the planet (he's absent-minded).

Your religion should have a daily ceremony in which you turn counterclockwise three times at the first light of day and chant something. Anything, really.

Answer 9

Sorry, I have committed the mortal sin of being left-handed.

Seriously, though, the idea of finding your own personal way to the Divine is the best idea I've heard. But I think you should stop joking about it and get on with the serious search.

Answer 10

I've been thinking of starting my own religion. I want to start a monastary where the monks brew beer and we are all required to attend tasting nights every Friday from 4PM until we run out

Answer 11

You're going to need some kind of Bible. I want to be the Pope of this religion.