how to deal with the pain when you know someone close to you is dieng?

Question

i found out today that a old family friend is dieng of cancer and they are only giving him 2 weeks.... and im having a hard time with it hes like a childhood hero to me he was a firefighter at one point and has done alot of good in his small communiy.. how do you deal with finding out someting like this i have been so upset

Answer 1

You go in and talk with him. he is just as scared as you are and by sharing your fears, you defeat them

Answer 2

There is nothing we can do or say to take away this pain. The one thing I can share after loosing my mother 12 years ago is that you need to use the time you have now. Don't spend too long during a trip but bring pictures if you have any to share. Talk about good times and memories you have. Tell this person how much you care about them. Often people die and we do not have a chance to say goodbye . . . You are both being offered this chance now as difficult as it may be.

Sometime later try and go to the library and take out a book called The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom. It doesn't give any answers but it does give life an interesting perspective.

My heart goes out to you, your friend and your families.

Answer 3

I know its hard and it hurts, try to spend as much time as you can with this brave person. Try to keep a smile and tell jokes if you possibly can and remember that he is going to a better place now and that is time was well spent here that he is a hero and you won't forget him because you will have many memories and he will always be in your heart. Be strong so he can be strong. Maybe dying isn't that painful in the way he is going. Just think happy thoughts he probably would like it better that way so his dying won't hurt you. Tell him last stories or ask him what he thinks you should do. Just be brave sweetie. It will soon be all of our time to go and thats just something we will all have to face. Don't be scared Be Brave

Sincerely
D. Molina

Answer 4

JESUS said In John 5 : 24 - 25 " Verily , verily . I say unto you , He that heareth my word , and believeth on him that sent me , hath everlasting life , and shall not come into condemnation ; but is passed from death unto life..Verily , verily I say unto you , The hour is coming , and now is when the dead shall hear the voice of the Son of God : and they that hear shall live ".**************** Revelation 21 : 4 ... And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes ; and there shall be no more death , neither sorrow , nor crying , neither shall there be any more pain : for the former things are passed away.************************** Ecclesiastes 12 : 7.. Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was : and the spirit shall return to God who gave it ...........May the Lord touch your friend with Peace and Comfort with the Blessed Assurance that he has nothing to fear and this is not the end , but only the beginning ! God Bless you for your concern for your friend , but again , remember he is doing something that we all must do sooner or later. Hopefully you and your friend are saved by the Blood of Jesus , because if you are you will see him again . I`m sure he will be waiting with open arms when you arrive . For a Blessing at this time , find a recording of Amazing Grace , and just give a listen to God speak to you through the words of this Godly song ....

Answer 5

I don't know that anybody deals with it in the same way. I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I think perhaps the best thing you can do is talk to someone you feel comfortable with and acknowledge and express how you feel. If you have a chance, visit the person so you will feel like you have had a good-bye and some closure. Be as supportive as you can of his family members. That may help you feel like you are doing something to help them and yourself. Let them and if you can him know how you looked up to him. That again will mean a lot.

Answer 6

I just had a friend die of cancer, about a month ago yesterday.

What you can do: Turn to your friends and family for support for yourself. Scream, cry, rage, remember good times and valuable experiences. It's painful as all hell, but let yourself feel.

It's okay to express your sadness and to be sad in his presence and that of the family, but DO NOT take your grief to them on your visit.

They're already suffering, so they need you to give THEM emotional support, practical support (babysit the kids, make soup, vacuum) and a calm presence.

Write him a letter telling him the positive things you've told us about who he is (not was--he's not dead yet) and what he means to you.

Think long and hard about what his life taught you about yours. Let him know what you've discovered. It will provide additional meaning and comfort to you both in the face of something so devastating.

Talk about HIM--go easy on talk about how miserable you feel that he's dying. Talk about the positives of his life, his living, of your knowing him.

When possible, SPEND TIME with him. Whether that's shooting the breeze, remembering a special event or occurrence, sharing silence, holding hands.

If you can say it honestly and truly mean it, and if it's appropriate (given your relationship), always remember to say to him: I love you.

Definitely say or write what is in your heart and mind, so that if he were taken from you tomorrow--and not in two weeks--you will have no regrets.

Again, much of this will be dependent upon your relationship to this person, what level or kind of interpersonal contact you had, and so forth. Be guided by that.

Answer 7

Do NOT pay any attention to that first person that answered. That was really rude and insensitive. I am sorry to hear that your friend is passing away. It is hard--death is a scary and very traumatic thing to deal with. Spend as much time as you can with him. Remember him and the good that he did. Remember how he touched people's lives. The hardest part is watching someone suffer--it happened to my grandpa. You will feel a whole bunch of emotions--anger, sadness, and then you will begin to heal. God bless you.

Answer 8

I am so very sorry for what you are going through! each individual has a completely different defense mechanism that will come up at a time of stress! I usually totally loose it , I haven't found my defense mech, yet! I wish you all the best my friend and hope that you are able to cope with your loss of a good friend - take care , peace and love to you and your friend!

Answer 9

I was just recently where you are now..and I am so sorry for the amount of pain you are feeling. My friend was not a christian..that made it harder..but she was gracious enough to allow me to say what I needed to about Jesus..I don't know if she made a decision for Him prior to going to sleep.
I don't know if your friend is a christian..and I don't know if He will allow you to talk to him the bare facts about Jesus..and that He can have the hope of eternal life if he wants.
All I can say to you is to not hold your feelings in..talk about them with a friend or friends..talk about them with God...ask for strength..read His promises...
Grief is hard but a necessary process. Keep telling your friend how much you care..tell him everything you need to..then you will have no regrets.
Above all, be there for him....it is very hard to go through all this..but you will get through..eventually this will get a little easier. God Bless.

Answer 10

i have a different outlook on death than most.

I am a Celtic Pagan. i see death as a new beginning and not as an end.

my grandfather died this week after 3 months of being in and out of hospitals and ICU.

to me i find refuge in the knowlege that the pain that i feel for the loss of him is purely my own. his pain is over now. and he is off (he was christian) on his journey to heaven.

as for me. i do not mourn death. i will celebrate his life.
my family will gather for a funeral and burial. but afterwards we will gather as a family and tell stories of him while he was living. and we will play the games and do the things that he loved to do.

the fact that you know that it is comming is somewhat of a blessing. you have the time to go see him. and to tell him how much he has influenced your life. do not waste time while he is alive worrying about what will happen when he is dead...there will be plenty of time after he dies to do that.

Answer 11

You deal with it by feeling it and living with it. Pain and grief are part of life. Do not run from it. That is not healthy. You just experience it, cry and grieve for as long as you need. It makes you stronger and more compassionate in the end.