husband problems!!!!!?

Question

okay my husband is in the army an he deploys in 4 weeks, well in the time we have left i thought we could spend sometime together, but all he wants to do is play his video game, or go to his friends house(without me), we barely talk to each other and we have not had sex in over 2 months. i have tried everything.i know he's afriad of going over there, i am to it's his first deployment and i know it's going to be tough on us. but i would like to spend a little time with him. i understand he's wooried and wants to see his friends before he goes and i understand he wants to go alone and i'm okay with that but does he have to go every night??in the past month we have said no more than 100 words to each other and that's night, hi, loveyou ,are you hungry,and dinners ready. he does not spend anytime with his sons(5 years,and 6 month) and i think they are more important than his friends. i do not nagg him or teel him what to do, but i try to talk to him and he's like "hold on i'm talking ...

to someone" (he has xbox live for the xbox 360) and i get pushed to the side. he's on it as soon as he gets off work at 5 and he will be on it till 11 or 12 at night. he's grumpy to me and our kids he will not help out with them, he doesn't even want to be in the same room as us. he's always telling me we will watch a movie and when we go to watch it (when he feels like it) he falls asleep i even let him pick the movies. i just don't no what to do, i try talking to him about anything but he will not talk to me. i do not want our last few weeks together to be bad but i'm starting to have a bad feeling about this deployment. i love my husband and i try to be a good wife i do not fight with him and i do not nagg him, what should i do i tryed telling him how i feell but he will not listen to me. please do not give me hateful answers i just want to spend a little time with him not all of it, just some maybe a movie or something. please help!!!thanks

to fade and sirblack for one i do make him snacks and his friends to and i bring beer and everything like i said i'm a good wife, and i am not fat i weigh 120 an di'm 5 foot 3 inches so theres no fat on this body

and to Saint Lu, what eles is there to be hounst i wait on my husband hand and foot. i was his clother, i cook him food, i pick out his clother for him and make sure he has all the new video games i go on beer runs, i make dinner for 12 of his freinds last weekend what more is ther. i do not want all of his time just alittle to whatch a movies maybe once a week, i do it all by my self, all the house hold work i had to get the tires changed, i had to got to his NCO's house to pick up papers he needed to sign because he forgot to do at work at 12 at night then i hhad to take them back to his NCO. now if i not a good wife then i don't know what a good wife is. oh and just so you know i'm always ready for him if he ever wants it but he wants to play video games, i even tried to play video games with him but he said i would just mess him up. so that did not work and he knows if he ever wants sex i will give it to him. i'm a darn good wife

Answer 1

You poor thing. I think you need to stop focusing on him and focus on yourself.What do you like to do? What movies do you want to watch. When he is away use the time to work out what you like, how you want to be treated. Sometimes a person who does everything and puts up with bad behaviour is not atractive to the person acting badly, they seem like a matr and the person hates themselves a bit for taking advantage of them.
when he comes back lay down some rules. Tell him you have feelings and want to be treated with respect.
Please get to know your self and find your inner strenght.

Answer 2

Believe this or not, but once he's gone, this is going to change dramatically. You are going to be the one he's on the phone with till all hours of the morning, you are going to be the one he's dying to get letters from, you are going to be the one on his mind 24/7 and when he gets home you and those boys are going to be the first one he wraps his arms around. I married a marine and I've been through deployment phases during "desert storm". It's hard and it changes them, but before they even go, fear settles in. And it's a fear they don't want to discuss because to them it shows weakness, and in his mind, now is not the time to be weak. Rather than taking a back seat to his activity prior to leaving, schedule a few dates in, flirt a little, find a way to barge into his heart hon. Then schedule a few family outings as well. No cell phones, no friends....just your family. Let him love those little boys like you know he does and make it fun. Schedule it around the kids naps and keep it simple. An afternoon at the park, a museum, indoor water park, etc. It's the little things that will keep him wanting more. And then just be patient sweetie. I know this is going to be really hard on your family, and trust me, it's not even close to what you are imagining....I'm afraid to say it's worse. So here's a few words of advice.....DO NOT watch CNN....they only show the bad stuff. Don't just pray....believe he's coming home in one piece. And know in the deepest part of your heart that come hell or high water, there are more people supporting him and you than you know.

I wish you and your family well and I'll pray for a safe home-coming.

God Bless.

Answer 3

I know that this is hard to fathom but this really has NOTHING and EVERYTHING to do with you. He is scared. He is getting ready to go into the unknown without any assurances that he will come back to you as the man that you know and love. Unlike women, when men are afraid, they are taught to internalize their fear and not to show vulnerability -- especially to the women in their lives. So, they turn their attention to the things that they have some level of control: their work, video games, and the like. He may also feel more comfortable in sharing his fears with his male friends. Men provide a different level of support than women do. We tend to be more nurturing and more apt to explore our feelings as a way of providing support. Men, on the other hand, will not coddle a friend in need. They will either find a way to get the adreneline going so that he feels invincible or they will allow him NOT to dwell on the fear of what's to come -- they will deal in the here and now. This is more true in warrior professions, ie. police, military, and the like.

Your insistance on wanting to spend time with your husband is very reasonable and understandable. But your desire to be close is having the opposite effect. Why? It's making him fully aware of everything that he has to lose. His fear is that if he feels closer to you when he is getting ready to leave, the more difficult it will be to leave. It's fear that's driving all of this. It's time for some tough love.

I know that this is a difficult time for you but you're going to have to be the strong one now. You are a warrior's spouse. Let him know that you need to talk to him without any interruptions. There's no need to yell or nag or make anyone feel guilty -- you know this just as must about guilt for him as is about fear. Assure him that you are there to provide any support that he needs during this time. Let him know that you love him and that you will take care of the family until he comes home. Try to make the transition for your family as smooth as possible. Make sure that there is a plan in place for the financial/medical/emotional security of your family. Insist that he be a part of this discussion. A man needs to know that the woman he's with is independent enough to keep his children and home safe, especially in a time of crisis.

Lastly, with so many men and women serving in the military, find support groups in your area that your husband and you can join. There are spouses out there in the same position as you who can not only empathize with your situation but will let you know that you're not alone. Moreover, they can give you the a better sense as to what you can expect during this time. Good luck and may God keep him safe.

Answer 4

wow- you are God's gift to men! Damn GIRL! I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this, maybe you should be giving all of this too a man who deserves it! He obviously has NO respect for you! Get rid of him! You are TOO GOOD for this crap!!!! I dont normally encourage divorce under any circumstance but this is TOO much! You should be out there finding a man who will actually love you and cherish the moments he spends with you, and a man that you can love back and not spend your nights doubting and wondering if the man in the other room cares or loves you.

Answer 5

Your husband is trying to deal with the fact he will have to be without you guys in the only way he can think of. He is trying to seperate himself while still here, so it won't be so hard when he leaves. Talk to him, tell him you want him to spend time with you. If you feel the need, talk to his Platoon Sergeant, the way he is acting can lead to serious mental issues once he has left and realizes he wasted what may be the last time he had with you, playing video games. I hope all turns out well, and i hope your husband comes home safe.

Answer 6

Well I would hide the keys and video games then tell him you would like to talk to him and you NEED to talk....Also the remote control hide it...He is really tryin to avoid you? Does he hang out with the same "friend"? You need to put yourself 1st with your family....write him a letter maybe he will actually understand then...I think if you wrote him a letter like he was away he would understand the way your feeling....So then he cant say Hold on I'm talking...
Good Luck~

Answer 7

I love answering this one !! First, you are TO GOOD OF A WIFE to him it sounds like to me !! He don't deserve you !! He is taking you for granted !! Why do you give so much to him when he gives you nothing in return?? Look at what all you do for him, and he still does not try to make you one bit happy !! You need to put your foot down , take a stand or he will continue to take advantage of you now and forever !! Do you want that. are you happy with the way things are with you and him? How could you be happy with him?? get serious and tell him like it is ! It's your life and Only YOU can make yourself happy and thats by being honest ans telling him like it is, that your not taking his crap anymore !! he has to change! He is hooked on playing those stupid games and he is not taking care of his FAMLIY !! He needs to grow up and take care of his family and BE A PART of it !! Or i would tell him how i feel and if he don't do whats right then move on with your life !! He is not only negelecting you but HIS KIDS TOO !! You can;t keep ALLOWING HIM to do this !! YOU will never be happy unless he is willing to fix things or YOU MOve oN without him !! You have to face the truth !! Stop doing his running for him , don't go to the beer store for him, he's not helpless !! he needs to take Responsiblity!! and grow uP ! Remember this _____ Men only do what we allow them to do to us !! If you allow it he will keep doing these things,because you allow it !! read Dr. Phills book!! Stop being a good Wife !! The tables will turn if you do and tell him what you want from him and mean it !! Talk is nothing without ACTION remember that too !! So if you talk it do something about it !!! Its not easy but you have to do it for yourself and your kids !!!

Answer 8

Did this detached behavior begin when he learned of his deployment? If so, he is having a tough time psychologically with facing this.

Tell him you are worried too, but he is here now and needs to be with you and his kids.

Cry about it, he needs to if from you.

If you don't fix this now, I think he will have a really hard time once he goes abroad.

Answer 9

your husband is wrong.not you.he definetely has his priorities screwed up.you and your child should come first.the worried thing is bull...a reason to hand with the guys.set his *** straight,or show him what he has to lose.not just his life but his wife and child.he should be spending every waking moment with his child.God does not promise you nothing will happen till you see each other again. he would have tons of regrets,you should not have any ...if....you speask up and say how it makes you feel .thats all you can do the ball is in his court.if he loves you all he will straighten up

Answer 10

I am sorry to say he does not treat you well. It is quite demeaning. The long term effect of these kind of relationships can bring the woman's self-esteem down. Why not ask him how important he thinks his family is to him. If he thinks friends are more important. Family life is not for him, sorry.