I am a single mom how should I discipline my three year old son?

Question

Me and my son have always had a very close and understanding relationship....we are best friends. But lately he has become an absolute terror (think the omen) he NEVER listens, tells me to shut up, and breaks everything. I am not a passive mom I have tried time out, talking calmly, taking toys away, taking privilages away...even resorted to spanking. And he will still turn around and do the same thing (not even one minute later) My throat constantly hurts from yelling and tensing up. I am at my wits end...any advice (*only people with experience with kids please*)

Answer 1

Single mom of a 6 year old here. As a single mom it is really hard sometimes to pick your battles (My God how many times do I have to ask you to put your shoes on before you actually do it.?)

1. I went to michaels, bought some bright tagboard and created a chart. Everytime he listens or helops we put a sticker on the board and when it gets full he will get a treat or toy from the toy store. Sometimes the treat could be 'you get to sleep in my room' or 'we get to go on a date' what is important here is that they tie it to a reward that makes them feel good with positive reinforcement.

2. I also sat down one time picked up a notebook and said, 'you know, I think you are really creative. I think we should create some family rules in our house, but I need your help. What do you think they should be?' This gets buy in (with a little coaching). Once we finished I said, okay now, we both agree that these are our family rules?. Remember, you created them, so do we agree moving ahead we will stick to them? (you may need to repeat this 4-5 times) They want to please so they will say yes.

Then I took everything he said and turned it into a positive statement on a piece of paper, had him sign it and explained what the signing meant (a promise or a contract). When he began acting up, I would calmly say, "Hmmmm, do you think that tone is part of the family rules?" (Point to it) "Remember what it meant when we signed it? Don't forget, you made those family rules all by yourself.' (Brag about the rules list in front of family and friends in front of him) 'Johnny made up a list of rules for our house, isn't that terrific?' Then say 'What do you think we need to do do to make sure we are following the rules?" Can we pretend this never happend and try to do it again using the rules, what would that look like.

It's brilliant - they come up with the answers and you look like a shining star.

a. We say nice words and be kind
b. We listen and pay attention
c. We cooperate and work together like a friend
d. We always do what is ight
e. We respect what we have
f. We express our feelings
g. We encourage eachother
h. We laugh, make funny jokes and always give hugs and kisses
i. We talk in a respectful tone
j. We use our words, ask for what we need
k. Always tell the truth and be honest
l. Be thankful
m. We help family without being asked
n. We use constructive criticism
o. We separate the person from the behavior (he is too young to get this now, but as he grows he will come to understand what that means.

Don't forget to keep those rules up on the refridgerator!! Good luck girl!!

Answer 2

If you have the time, lecture him. This helps him understand, you KNOW there is something he wants from you, and a good lecture, with several sensible arguments in these, appeases his interest in annoying you and seeing how far he can get with you. You sound as if you are a single parent.
At times when you aren't arguing, ask him some of his interests. Maybe he wants to rearrange his room. Can he help you pick up the laundry? It is young, although there are tasks he can do which make him feel needed and responsible, rather than a challenge. Investigate these at the local library,(you'll need to look in psychology for the early ages, and directions, no theories). You can maintain a healthy relation with your son, and you should be more than his friend, although as a single parent, wanting to maintain a good home, sometimes he is. Seek counseling, by joining a group, see the things others are doing in your community. Reaching out now can save a lot of trouble later, thank you..

Answer 3

I agree with a lot of what people said before me. You need to establish yourself as an authorative figure and not his best friend. Do you think he would listen if it were another child that were his best friend telling him what to do?
Also, once I make a rule, it always applies. I don't reconsider or my son will not take my decisions as final.
And when he does something that hurts someone or there isi a victim after his time-out he has to go to that person and apoligize for (whatever) and give them a hug. He seems to realize that his actions effect more than just him since I began that...

Good luck... this is a very hard age sometimes... very trying

Answer 4

First of all, you cannot be best friends with a child, especially a 3 year old. There has to be boundaries when disciplining children.

Always remember you are the adult and he is to mind you, not the other way around.

Be consistent.

Let him know why he is in trouble and why he should not have done what ever it was that he did.

My best tactic is the corner. It really does work. Also give "the look"(it still works on me from my mother)

Answer 5

Well I ahve a 4, 3, and 1 y/o. So I can relate. First of all, you can not ever ever be his friend. You are his parent. We all make that mistake but then those little boys really make us regret it. And that is what he is doing to you.

Well, get some rest and a good meal under your belt. You'll need to stay calm all the time (not easy) YOu can not let him see he gets to you. You have to also use inside voice and not spank - he wins - in the sense he got your attention. Just stay calm and cheerful and be loving that's what turned ny 4 year old in to a sweeter boy and I'm doing the same with my 3 y/o. I used to yell scream and spank and it got nowher. But ignoring a lot makes them stop and staying calm bums them out.
And make sure you hug and kiss alot. That turns any tantrum when its abouyt to start into a giggle fest. HONESTLY.

Answer 6

You need to discipline yourself first. Where did he learn to tell anyone to shut up? Your son can survive without one of his friends, you need to be his mother.
There is hardly any reason to yell at a child or to spank a child that has been properly taught how to conduct himself. Now that you've let it get this bad, it will take some time to get your son back in line. Once you do, love your child and teach him how to respect people at the level they deserve.
Reaching out to Yahoo! users for help may be a small sign of good faith on your part but you may want to call child services for your state. You should let them know that your "throat constantly hurts from yelling and tensing up" and that you are at your "wits end" and would like help before you become a possible danger to your son, physically & emotionally.

Answer 7

I have two boys,now 17 & 20 I know where you are comming from. They are great now but at three my youngest holy terror. You have to be his mother first and if in the end you are friend great. He is trying to get your attention. Give it to him when he is acting good. It is easy to just sit back and enjoy the peace and quite, but this is the time to go play the game he is playing, watch the movie with him, what ever he is doing become part of it. When he acts out, sit him in time out, tell him why he is there in a quite voice, then walk away. If he gets up, put him back with out a word . just keep doing this untill he sits his time limit. It's not easy but it works. Remember in his eyes (bad attention is better than no attention). Good Luck

Answer 8

first of all, remember that the "terrible two's" actually go from 1.5 years old to 3.5 years old. secondly, who taught him to say "shut up"??!!
you say you are not passive, so he comes by it honestly? Not trying to be mean, just logical. I have 4 daughters, aged 3 - 13. so I have experience.
do you play with him doing energetic things like running outside, going to a park, flying like a plane ect. to try and burn off his energy?
how much "good sugar" like bananas, oranges, ect is he getting compared to "bad sugars" like chocolate, gummy's, fruit roll up's ect?
9 times out of 10 he's just looking for some good old fashioned attention.
Remember, to a child, yelling at him or laughing with him is all the same kind of attention.
Act like a fun 3 year old with him. it won't work overnight, but watch the results.
Hope this hepls a bit.
ok, I just read alot of the other peoples answers. kakfits sounds like they are on the right track! the others??
I'm pretty sure your son knows you are his mom. Who does he run too when he's hurt? Who gets him his snack? dresses him, ect.
do you work? if so, do you enjoy it when your boss keeps telling you that you are doing something wrong? no!
does it make you try harder? doubt it!
show him how to behave, time out's and spanking's are attention and that's what he wants!!

Answer 9

You basically answered your own question. You can't be your child's best friend. You are his mom and he sees you as an equal. You need to establish your authority over him without raising your voice. When he does something wrong, bend down to his level. Speak in a lower voice, explaining what he did wrong and what the punishment is going to be. Turn off the tv and make him sit on the couch for 5 minutes in quiet. Tell him if he misbehaves he cannot watch his fave show, have his fave snack, something along those lines. Hope this helps.

Answer 10

You need to stop being his best friend for right now and become his mother. Take more privileges away and be firm about it, sit him in the corner for at least 3 minutes, send him to his room. Sorry to be so blunt but this is when you really need to get a handle on his behavior or it will get worse. He is going thru what is called "the terrible twos"