ok i wrote this but i did not edit it and i want you help i want to give it to this bot but it sounds stupid
he makes me smile when im feeling down
he makes me feel warm when its freezing cold
i love him but does he love me?
im insecure when im around him because i wonder if he likes me
i hear he likes another girl.
will she and not me rock his world?
why cant i get the courage to go up and say
"will you love me"
please help me edit it i really like this guy and please no smart remarks
2007-04-13 13:13:07 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Make me smile when I'm down.
Make me warm on a winter's eve
Wonderin' always if I'm alone in love
Fidgety and trembling when your near
Is it another he longs for?
Oh how I wish he were near
and to have the strength to say...I love you.
2007-04-13 13:30:04 · answer #1 · answered by sean1201 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks ok. Um try using other words or phrases like.???
He makes me smile when I am feeling down.
The thought of him makes me warm,
when he is not around.
I want him as mine, but I hear he likes another girl.
Will she, and not me, be the on to rock his world?
I wish I was fearless as anyone could be.
I would walk up to him and say "will you Love me"
I am not saying mine is any good but just try mixxing it up.
Hope it works smile.
2007-04-13 13:22:23 · answer #2 · answered by Kitty L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm probable an fool ,because of the fact i won't be able to get the stains out of my dinner-napkins i will in no way persist with cookery receipts, one recipe reported, Take 2 chestnuts and a 6 inch' piece of pork and a Pig sixty 5 years of age hide with water and boil ''nicely I did all of that and once I examine the Receipts back it reported ''a thank you to Kill an Englishman ... sturdy poem thank you
2016-10-22 02:43:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
here you go:
he makes me smile when I am feeling down
when he's around I can never frown
I love him but does he love me?
I hope he says " hi dear kiss me"
I hear he likes another girl
I hope he doesn't set my world to a whirl
why can't I get the courage to say
you are the one I need everyday!!
2007-04-13 13:45:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He makes me smile when i'm feeling down,
I really do like having him around
He makes me feel warm when its cold outside
But does he like another girl? I feel like I want to cry
Why don't I have the courage to go up to him and say Hi*
Will he say hi? or just walk on by?
Will you ever love me or will it be she who wins your heart?
I just want to get together with you...when can 'we' start?
I think about you all the time, one day I hope that you can be mine~
Keep on Smilin*
ps...Your poem is also very good*..came from your heart*~ GoodLucK*
2007-04-13 13:23:29 · answer #5 · answered by friskymisty01 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing guys hate more than getting soppy heart wrenching poems from girls. You will put him right off if he is not already.
Do yourself a favour - write the poem for your journal, but keep it for yourself
If you want to know just ask him - like an adult.
2007-04-13 13:21:10 · answer #6 · answered by amazed_lab_rat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he makes me smile
when im feeling down
he makes me feel warm
when its freezing cold
i love him...
but does he love me?
i hear he likes another girl,
will she
and not me
rock his world?
why cant i get the courage
to go up and say
"baby?"
"will you love me"
2007-04-13 13:16:45 · answer #7 · answered by Mike M 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its not bad, it might help to add in some rhymes to make it 'flow'. rhymes will help on the choppy-ness. Yet, keep in mind not all poets have rhyming poems this is just one suggestion. Keep writing!!!
-K
2007-04-13 13:18:08 · answer #8 · answered by o_state05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
skip the poem and just tell the guy how you feel. Guys get uncomfortable when girls get too sappy in the beginning, you may scare him away with this.
2007-04-13 13:34:36 · answer #9 · answered by mom of twins 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all you should add is:
do you?
It shows how you feel and you wrote it. I says whats on your mind and I don't think you should change it.
2007-04-13 13:18:45 · answer #10 · answered by mmatthews000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋