Parents' disapproval of my interracial relationship is ruining my life. What can I do to stop crying?

Question

My boyfriend is the most important thing in my life. I am closer with him than I am with my family. That is because my family is SO incredibly furious with my relationship with him (they refuse to budge with their views) that I can't tell them anything anymore. Thus, my mother gets upset with me for lying (as to where i am, who i'm out with, etc.) and thinks that my boyfriend is "just playing games with you" and "if he really did care about you, he wouldn't let you lie."
I've been crying almost every day for the past God knows how many months now. I'm not financially capable to move out of my house or to support myself (or to see a therapist about my problem), but I am old enough to make my own decisions (i.e. I'm not a child).
I love my boyfriend so much that the reason why I cry all the time is that I'm afraid I am going to lose him. I am so blessed to have him that I'm scared that my family will take him away from me. I have no idea what to do anymore. Help!

I am 21 and in college. However, I am Armenian and it doesn't matter what age I am. I am the baby girl of the family and I am still watched like a hawk. I can't even leave the house to run to the market without having somene call and ask me where I am.
I am NOT with my boyfriend BECAUSE my parents don't approve. I am CLOSER with my boyfriend BECAUSE since my parents disapprove of the relationship and since he's such a big part of my life, I talk to them anymore. He has become my best friend and I tell him e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. He lives with his mom so moving in with him is not an option. Also, I have an extended family as well. And being Armenian, I have the entire community howling down my back. I sometimes believe that my mom is more concerned about my (or our) reputation than his intentions. She won't even give him the TIME OF DAY! He's wanted to meet my family to show that he is a great guy and to prove that he means nothing but the best for me but they won't allow it.

Answer 1

I say call it off. First, an observation. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but the way you worded your response could be a clear indication of some of the problem. Just follow...your boyfriend is important to you (sentence 1) you are closer to him than your family (sentence 2) it's 'because' your family is against the relationship (sentence 3). A question you seriously have to ask yourself, are your intentions in dating him a more or less rebellious response to your parents’ authority over you?
They are your parents, regardless of their convictions. You didn't mention any other problems you have with your parents, and the fact that you live with them could be indications that they do care for you. So, is a boyfriend, of any race, really worth eroding the relationship you share with your family?
The big number three; if your boyfriend really cares about you more than the relationship he has with you, wouldn't he be willing to "let your go"? I'm sure there are many possible boyfriends for you out there, but how many opportunities do you have to carry a meaningful relationship with your parents.
Regardless of whether or not any of this makes a difference, no dating relationship is worth this trouble. That’s what the whole dating game is for, discovering compatibility. Not just a man that is compatible with you, but your family and friends as well. Good luck.

Answer 2

Oh my gosh, I consider so sorry for you. First and primary nonetheless, might be your dad and mom disapprove such a lot due to the fact that you situation your boyfriend earlier than them and that makes them jealous. So, they are attempting to split you. To remedy this, attempt to exhibit them that your boyfriend isn't a nasty affect and you'll be a larger youngster to them by way of this courting. Other than this, simplest time can inform whether or not this courting can final. I have well information despite the fact that: if he's the correct one, he will look forward to you and although at the floor you can not be in combination, you are going to nonetheless love each and every different deeply till at some point your dad and mom can not do something to split you. Be sufferer and well good fortune!

Answer 3

Oh my gosh, I feel so sorry for you. First and foremost however, maybe your parents disapprove so much because you place your boyfriend before them and that makes them jealous. So, they try to separate you. To solve this, try to show them that your boyfriend is not a bad influence and you can be a better child to them through this relationship. Other than this, only time can tell whether this relationship can last. I have good news though: if he is the right one, he'll wait for you and even though on the surface you can't be together, you will still love each other deeply until one day your parents can't do anything to separate you. Be patient and good luck!

Answer 4

It would be so much easier to answer your question if you knew your age. You say you're not a child, but is that legally or just in your own mind? If you're a minor, your parents are still responsible for you, which means they still have a say in your life.
If you're not a minor, then you're going to have to figure out a way to make money and become independent of them.

First of all, show your parents that you are dependable. That means getting a job and making your own money, or doing your very best in school and getting good enough grades to get into a college or trade school to prepare for life.

Next, don't lie to them. Your parents are right when they say if your boyfriend loves you, he won't let you lie. I firmly believe that a mature guy will help you be accountable to your family. Look at it from their point of view. You are their daughter, who has always made them proud. Now you're lying to them; of course they're going to think he's a bad influence on you!

Tell your parents that you love your boyfriend, that you are still going to see him, and that you wish they'd be happy for you. And if they can't be, you're very sorry but that isn't going to change your mind about him. I know it's sad for you. But you really need to grow up and show your parents that you are mature, level-headed and trustworthy. They can't "take him away" from you. If he truly loves you as much as you say you love him, he'll be there for you.

Both you and your bf are going to have to work at showing your parents that you're mature enough to handle your situation. By crying every day for months, rather than using your energy to become independent, you aren't making your case very well. Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but your parents' bottom line is that they want the best for you. For some reason they don't think this guy is the best; you need to show them that he brings out the best in you and vice versa.

Now stop crying, sit down and think about what you and your bf need to do to improve this situation.

Answer 5

I wish you well and understand what you are going thru. It is unfortunate that people are still prejudiced and obviously your family is. You can't change that but you can choose to love yourself and do you best in life. Continue to do well in school so you can get a good job and move on to make your own life. Parents just don't want to let go. I am a parent, but realized as my kids left home and chose mates, that it was my obligation to still be parent but not to run their lives. I am praying for you an for your family to find forgiveness in their hearts. God Bless you.

Answer 6

There's nothing your parents can do legally to take away your boyfriend. If it comes down to it choose the one whom you love, even if your parents disown you and you end up never talking to them again. Is it possible for your boyfriend to financially support you, even on a tight budget? Try to look for better jobs or possibly an education if you can, but you have to move out of your parents house eventually even if it wasn't for your boyfriend. Why not move out now and let him know that you'll support each other the best you can?

Answer 7

Ok, well I guess you are still a teen if you are living at home and have no job. And this sounds exactly like something a teen would say. Overdramatic. Life is over if I can't have this or that. Please grow up.
The lying is a bad thing. I can understand them being upset. Saying that this guy (no matter what color his skin is) is the most important thing in your life? BS. And then to cry on and on about it. What is wrong with you? If this is meant to be, then he will wait for you to move out.
If you're afraid you are going to lose him because of your parents views/decisions, the fact you can't be with him all the time, then you need to let him go. He's NOT for you. If he really loves you, he's not going anywhere.
Understand?

Answer 8

Your parents should allow you to live your life. Advise is good most of the time coming from a parent but, you need to Tell them to trust you. These are your feelings and if they would just try not to be so judgmental, they may find they actually like this guy. It's hard for parents to except change sometimes. Most people and this meaning any race. They like to keep their race as it is. We become pretty judgmental when it comes to changing the genetics of your race. Trust me, I have already been through it.
My daughter married a black man with our consent but not at first. I had a hard time with it at first but, I wanted my daughter to be happy too. Now that I have got to know him, I care about him and think there is no one else for her. I didn't make things easy for my daughter at first and she felt so torn. I guess when I noticed how difficult it really was for her, I realized I needed to change me. They have children now and we all love our grand kids. My daughter and her husband are good people and looking back, I am glad she stood up for what she felt so strongly about.
I hope this helped.

Answer 9

Finding a job and moving out is probably the best advice there is in your situation. You're definitely old enough to make your own decisions, choose your friends and people you date. As long as you're living under their roof they will always have the say so and call the shots. But you're not always going to have your parents

Answer 10

Don't bother yoursel about this too much. In the mean time make sure that you get a good education and your boyfriend also. It is imperative that both o you be educated, let him do the same.

When you are educated or both of you. It will be much easier. Quit talking to them about it and just stay there and go through college at least.

I am black happily married to a white lady. Her parents love me, I feel guilty going there sometimes as they are so nice to me I feel awarkward. No one has ever treated me so nice, trust me. In the mean time make sure you educate yourself.

Educated people tend to mke better decisions.